Hi again! I'm still really mad about the swearing reviews I've been getting. But I'm a writer so as it turns out my compulsion overwrote my bitterness.

Again—The Characters are Paramount's and The Memories are Mine.


Chapter Five- You look ridiculous in that outfit, sir

There was one reason the camera refused to work despite Spock's commands and McCoy's swearing. It was the same reason the suit was malfunctioning. If you have ever seen a horror movie, or even a mystery show you probably know just what the reason is.

Kirk started to shake violently as the bubble jets kicked in. Stacey pulled away from his arm, "What is it?"

Kirk's teeth chattered as an electrical current swam through his body. He screamed, "AHHHHHHHHH!"

With her help, Jim climbed (more like crawled) out of the pool. He twitched vigorously for thirty more seconds before he stopped moving completely. The looked down at him, kicked him in the torso and, when she saw no response, swore, "Shoot! Another date ruined! What am I doing wrong? Is it that stuff I put in the drinks!"

She stormed away recounting every one of her previous failed dates. Jim awoke five minuets later to the sound of an approaching Ecnalubma's (similar to our Earth ambulance) siren. He sat up and an image of Stacey came across his mind. "Stacey and I but then…What happened?"

He wondered aloud while taking stock of his surroundings. "I was about to make a move and then---Ah!"

He looked down at his hands. They were now soft and feminine with dainty pink nail polish. His chest now wore a hot pink bikini, and he had really well formed abs. Like a girl…. "Sweet! The suit's working again!"

Jim looked up as he realized someone was about to come through the back door. He squinted and chanted, "Bird, please be a bird…"

There was the familiar ripple of electricity as he changed into a bird. He took flight and headed for the store. The first thing he did inside was to use the bathroom.

Jim was never more relived.

o-o-o-o-o

"I believe you were right Doctor, this was a chance to earn my money back- doubled," Spock said with a smirk.

The doctor was about to say something witty as he reached for his wallet, but was interrupted by Nurse Chapel. "I'm sorry gentlemen but the money's all mine. Remember? I bet that the date would go sour and the suit would return to normal."

If anyone on the bridge had hearing as good as Spock's they might have heard the Vulcan swear softly.

o-o-o-o-o-o

"So the suit's working again," a quiet voice said from behind Kirk, "the zipper I mean."

Kirk jumped a foot the air. "Melvin! Oh my god! You scared me!"

"But probably not as a badly as the backscratcher scared me when I tripped and died." Melvin said in his usual melancholy tone.

"Oh. Um," Kirk looked down at his feet. He had taken the precaution of staying the form of a pale blonde male Romulan wearing jeans, a white tee, and a leather jacket to keep the façade.

"Not that I'm bitter."

"Well, anyway Melvin, how are you today?"

"Dead. You better go clock in. It's 9am. Ra'lop is expecting you."

"Already?!" Kirk looked around his small apartment surprised to finally notice that was no clock. Just a shabby little cot, and bathroom. Jim was headed for the door when he turned to Melvin, "Well I'll be going now…"

"Wait! Don't you need my help with the zipper? That suit is heavy and you must need help."

"No, no, I got it."

"Oh okay then," Melvin turned to go. Just as his head was through the wall he stopped and turned around. "Oh wait! I almost forgot! I have present for you! You know how you gave me a present?"

Kirk nodded dumbly as Melvin continued, "Well I got you something!"

Jim tried to look excited as the word backscratcher flashed across his mind. Melvin pulled out what looked to be very similar to a credit card. "I don't know what it is but you can have it."

Melvin smiled and then sank through the floor before Jim finished saying thank you. He turned the card over. He didn't know Romulan very well, but he could guess that this was a key- "Well, how about that."

------()-------

"Spock at this rate we won't be there in time!" McCoy declared throwing down his fork.

Spock who had just sat down with his salad nodded. "I agree doctor. If we are to stop this 'Misty' character we shall need to be there very soon. It is Wednesday and I fear they will feed the captain to Misty sooner than that."

"No! I meant in time for the store's 40th anniversary sale on Thursday! J'son's going to make him hand out balloons and hold a sign that says, 'Will dance for hugs!'! That's going to be priceless!!" The doctor said as he absentmindedly picked through his mashed potatoes.

"I suppose Scotty could pull some sort of miracle out of his hat, and if we're lucky we'll be there in two hours. But frankly Doctor, I can pass for a Romualn, you could not. Unless… with some…" Spock scanned the doctor's face lingering on the ears, "help. So you best get into surgery if you wish to go to this 'sale.'"

"You serious?!" McCoy stared agape at Spock.

Spock chewed on some salad thoughtfully. "We will of course be going," he swallowed and used air quotes, " 'to help the Captain.'"

Smiling and nodding, the doctor picked up his plate, walked over to the trash and tossed it in. The door opened as McCoy stood in the door way, "Well I guess you know where I'll be!"

It took Spock another fifteen minuets to chew his salad. After that it took Scotty thirty minuets to figure out that all he had to do was give the engine brandy. It took McCoy an hour in surgery, with thirty minuets to recover, and two hours to prepare. But it took the ship five hours to get to Romulas. And by that time it was one am, so everyone, even though they were anxious, took a sleeping pill and went to bed.

Kirk did not however. He was busy sneaking around.

-----()-------

Dr. Nro'cinu was the top Romulan genetic scientist of his time. He was famous world wide; he name was feared and respected. There was nothing he could not do. His current project was inspired by a paper his daughter had written. It was brilliant writing, but he was the real brilliance in it's creation. Infact it was Dr. Nro'cinu's best work. Sure it did not fit every detail his daughter had described, but it was able to get the job done and that's what mattered. Looking down at the paper in his hand he smiled.

The Number One Thing I Need To Improve My Life by Chelsea Nro'cinu

The number one thing I need most to improve the quality of my life is a unicorn. She would be purple, with red leather wings, and crystal clear blue eyes. She would have the ability to breathe fire from her nose, super strength, invisibility, and flight. Not to mention, her ability talk.
Every word spoken by her would drip with hate, death, pain, broken hearts, and death. In short she would be a creature spurned from the underworld, born from black hearts, and pure evil. Her presence means chaos, and destruction of my enemies. She was created at the beginning of time, and has many millennia on her side. Being as old as she is, she would be able to use her abilities all at once in coordinated attacks.
Her name is Misty. Due to her relentless evil nature and tendency towards world decimation, I would have to feed her extra treats. It would be very easy to locate her if she flew away. I would only need to follow the trail of destruction. With her powers, Misty and I would conquer the world after a long (two days most likely) battle. After the TV coverage of the battle, the interviews with television stations, interviews with the newspapers/ magazines, and the movie (featuring me of course), I would be a celebrity. The movie would be very popular, earning me millions. Being rich, school would no longer be necessary.
Being rich as I am, and residing in a mansion somewhere on a sunny island, I will generously give the money I steal from my enemies to charities world wide.
After my many televised acts of heroism, the world will undoubtedly think I am the coolest person ever ( if they don't they get one on one time with Misty). Since all of the countries leaders from all corners of the globe agree on this as an unchangeable fact they will see that they have much in common, and work together. With the countries' leaders working together, Romulas will enter a golden age of prosperity and joy. Which to my relief means no paparazzi.
In the end, although her intentions were evil, Misty the unicorn will improve quality of life for everyone.

The End

Dr. Nro'cinu put the paper in the breast pocket of his coat and picked up his brief case. It was time to go check on Misty.

-------()-----

Kirk took a deep breath and slid the card through the slot. It was his lunch break and it had been a tough day. Two strangely familiar Romulans had been laughing at him (or at least one had been laughing the other didn't seem to smile) and taking pictures of him for the first hour before going inside. One picture they had showed a little girl throwing pink soda at him and the cup at his head. His head was still sticky.

The door slid open and Kirk took his Romulan form as he stepped through. There was a click as it shut behind him. She was asleep in the corner and looked fairly harmless. Her skin was a purple- reddish hue. Her leather wings were black and were small and folded at her sides. Before Jim could investigate further he heard footsteps coming.

Thinking of the barrel of hay he saw he transformed into one instantly. Dr. Nro'cinu walked through the door. "Misty, darling time to get up!"

The unicorn got up slowly blinking it's doe like eyes several times. Kirk saw that they were the color of the moon- even glowing eerily.
She shook her mane to get any blonde strands off her long sliver horn.

"How are you today Misty," the doctor asked gently.

Misty spoke first in sweet tones, "Fine Doctor. And you?"

However, it was quickly revealed to be a façade of pleasantness when she continued. Her voice was scratchy and only slightly sweet as it was mostly bitter. "Don't answer that. Seriously- how the hell do you think I've been? I'm locked in a room eating tourists with to much cholesterol! 'Cmon Doc don't lie to me!!! When do I get to destroy the freakn' Federation?!"

"Yes, well," the doctor tried to talk to Misty as if she was a delicate child. Which in fact she pretty much was, " Misty I've brought you your protein mix that will improve your powers. After it sinks then you'll be ready. J'son thinks Saturday. Oh speaking of Saturday- you know that new employee?"

"The polar bear freak?"

"Yes- he's your special treat!"

Misty stamped a paw on the ground while glaring. "What makes you guys think I want to eat something with so much fur? Gawd you piss me off. Just give me the shot and go. I'd like to wallow in my evil brilliance."

The doctor lowered himself to one knee and opened the brief case. "Yes Misty," he mumbled. He was very professional and finished in five minuets. As he left he bowed to Misty.

Kirk was glad the strange man had left. Now all he had to do was wait till Misty was asleep and he could capture her. "Oh mi gawd," Misty began to talk to herself, "I think I'm going to eat puppies when I get to Earth. I'm sure they're just like popcorn."

She began to pace the room as she talked. "Although humans should be interesting. I hate Andorians they're antenna get stuck in my throat. Oh what's this? A hay bale I haven't peed on yet!"

Kirk had fought enemies before that had hit him, whipped him, preformed weird surgeries on him, made copies of him, pelted him with stones, chained him to a dungeon, but none had ever ever peed on him. He thought to himself, "Oh crap."

Misty thought about doing just that but the drug had the effect of making her tired. She stumbled away from the hay bale relived and sleepy. She was fast asleep and did not notice as her new hay bale became a human named Kirk.

"The Federation wants me to destroy the weapon. I can to do better than that," He said aloud as the electrical suit transformed him.

"Oh yes, I can," his Misty like voice said slyly.

------()-------

To Be Continued

I'm thinking two chapters and this'll be done.