Chapter Six- What are you doing in a cheap place this?
Kirk was walking back and forth in the room to test his new self. He was male version on whatever one would specify Misty as (evil unicorn?). His body was black with purple leather wings, and neon green hair, and a gleaming horn. For some odd reason he also had a white skull and crossbones birthmark on his hind hip. As he thought out his next move he hovered in the air. Presumably he had the same powers as Misty- super strength, talking, invisibility, flight and the all powerful fire-breath-from-the-nose.
"Alright," Jim said thinking aloud, "First I'll fry the Romulan embassy, including whoever thought up this plan, then I'll permanently put those snot-nosed-ploar-bear-tail-tuging kids out of business, throw Ra'lop and Ra'eb somewhere and contact the ship making sure to beam up without being noticed. Yep that outta work."
He stopped hovering and was about to ram the wall as many times as it took to get out of the small room when Misty awoke. "Shot, forgot to kill her," he thought.
Misty kept her eyes squeezed shut as she stood and stretched. She tossed her blonde hair over her shoulder and opened her eyes. "Oh! Hello there! Aren't you handsome? What's your name?"
"James?" He answered nervously.
"What are you doing in a cheap place like this baby?"
Kirk had a bad feeling. He took a step back and Misty took two closer to him. Her voice was sweet and that could mean that she had a crush on him. He took a chance and said- "To see you??"
His suspicions were confirmed when she batted her eyelashes and nuzzled his neck. "Oh James, are you going to help me destroy the Federation?"
Kirk took a deep breath, glad to know no one was watching.
---(-)---
Chekov's soda came flying out his nose he was laughing so hard. "Zat iz ze Romulan veapon? Unicorns vere inwented in Russia!"
In attaching the Camera to the Polar Bear suit, McCoy had attached it to the suit. Thereby insuring that no matter the transformation, they could always watch. Spock walked through the turbolift doors and stopped when he saw Misty. "Mr. Chekov you are relived of command. What has happened to the Captain since my departure?"
Chekov moved to his navigator seat as Spock slid into the captain's chair. "You lost more credits. Misty is no technological superbot!!" He continued to laugh.
Uhura, who loved romance novels, watched intently. "Shh guys! He's about to propose! I mean answer!"
Yeoman Rand handed Spock some popcorn as everyone turned their attention to the screen.
---(-)---
"No!" Kirk shrieked. He coughed for a second and then noting Misty's shocked look, put on his best female wooing voice, "I mean, no baby, why would I?"
Misty straightened her neck and blinked. "Well, Dr. Nro'cinu said they were our enemy…and I just thought…"
"That you would destroy them for him as a way to repay him for creating you?"
"Well, yeah." Misty said resting her head on his.
"But did the Federation stick you in this box? Did they," Kirk stopped to think, carefully planning out his words, "feed you tourists full of cholesterol? Did they plan to stuff a creature with too much hair down your throat for their enjoyment?"
She looked up. Promising to hate himself later, he nuzzled her neck. Misty said, "Well no, I never thought of it that way James. Infact you know what?"
"What, baby?" he cooed feeling sick to his stomach. In his mind's eye he saw him recounting this to Spock and McCoy as a vicious battle with a type of technological superbot. Until he got home though, well when on Romulas, do as the Romans do.
"I think we ought to destroy these people and this world instead!" Misty smiled.
"Oh you are so smart. I love the way your wonderfully evil mind thinks," Kirk said straightening out his neck. "Shall we begin right away?"
"No not quite, James, I want to get to know you better first."
And until that moment Kirk had no idea that unicorns could kiss.
---(-)---
"Eww! That's gross!" Sulu said squinting his eyes shut. Uhura hit a few buttons and the word GROSS!! began to flash in the screen. The audio was still intact though.
McCoy walked through the door and nearly tripped. When he regained his balance, he shouted, "Whoa! What's going on here?"
Sulu murmured, "Just a roll in the hay!"
Chekov high-fived him and thy both laughed. Spock looked over his shoulder at the doctor, "Doctor, I believe Kirk won't need our assistance after all."
----(-)----
"Misty, I, uh," Kirk pulled apart from Misty still in mild shock, "I think we should stop here, we'll have plenty of time to uh…"
"Roll in the hay?" Mist said suggestively.
"Yes, um… but first shouldn't we destroy the planet first?"
"Whatever you want," she said in a seductive voice that terrified Kirk.
"That wasn't an innuendo Misty." Kirk said.
"Oh… so planet destroying it is then!"
Misty turned and used her super strength to break down a wall, while Kirk let out of sigh of relief. Misty's whimsical tune sang, "Let's go darling!"
I'll never get the taste of hay out of my mouth, Jim said while flying after her. They arrived quickly at the scientific headquarters where Kirk offered to destroy the library and suggested that Misty should destroy the genetic research wing. "Oh that's so sweet!," she squealed, "Your respecting my boundaries and letting me exact my own revenge! I love you sooo much!"
"I love you to honey!" He shouted flying to the other side of the building.
It was a love hate relationship, she loved him he hated her. Infact their relationship could be compared to that of Anthony and Cleopatra, Romeo and Juliet, except of course without his death and without sex.
Meanwhile in her twisted little mind Misty was using the destruction of the building as inspiration for a love sonnet-
The fire in my heart
Destroys this building for you
I used to be invisible except now
I'd do anything you think is cool!
No! Shoot! She thought, that sounds dumb! He's probably not even into me! He probably likes an intellectual! To compensate with her feelings of insecurity she also destroyed the park nearby before going to rejoin James.
He was waiting for her in front of the building. As she landed he smiled and, "Oh Misty-poo you look so gorgeous with the building burning behind you. It's like a fiery sunset that I created."
"Awww! That is so sweet! 'Cmon baby, let's fly and talk," she spoke while unfolding her wings, "I want to do something for you!"
As they gained altitude he ventured, "Destroy the Embassy and eat Italian?"
"Oh you know me so well!" She blushed slightly, "Kirk, would you like to hear a poem I wrote for you?"
She did not wait for him to reply-
"I have many powers
All fearsome, and deadly 'tis true
But the one thing I cannot control
Is my love for you!"
She hastily added, "And if you every betray me I'll hunt you down and kill you!!!"
She giggled. Kirk was worried that she would want him to recite a poem back. But the only poem he could think of was:
Roses are red
Violets are blue
You make me want to puke
I'm gonna run away from you.
Some how that did not seem appropriate. Misty coughed, "Did you like it?"
"Oh yes darling, very much so!"
"I'm so glad- will you tell me a poem?" Misty said swishing her hair.
"Um," Kirk looked at his feet for inspiration, "Uh, what do you know! We are here already!"
"Oh good," Misty began to swoop lower, "you can tell me a poem at the restaurant!"
"Okay, um this time you can choose which side of the building you want."
Misty flew to the west wing, and it wasn't till he was a safe distance away that Kirk pulled out a communicator he had brought. "Hello? Sock? Enterprise? Are you guys in orbit yet?"
On the ship Uhura was startled by the communication and dropped her book: True Love and Unicorns. "Oh! Enterprise here sir! What do you need?"
Jim was nervous he didn't know when Misty would be done destroying her half of the building. "Uh, this is the Captain, I'm dealing with a very hostile-"
"Love Machine!" Someone on the bridge shouted.
"- monster. Can I please speak to the doctor and Spock in Sickbay?"
Spock nodded at Uhura and headed out of the room. Uhura told the Captain to wait just one moment. On the screen everyone could see the Captain fumbling with the communicator in his hoof.
In two minuets he had to wait, Kirk occupied his time with firing at the buildings main supports- that way it would collapse in a burning heap without much force. He stopped as Spock and Bones said hello.
"Okay guys, what I need is two things. I can't waste much more time talking. So, one) I need a vile of poison strong enough to kill fifty elephants but dissolvable in spaghetti. And two I need to have someone at the transporter ready to beam me up on a dime's notice. Can you do that?"
McCoy grumbled but still had the poison beamed down within a minuet. "Thank you very much. And also do you guys know any good love sonnets?"
"Sir, that seems an illogical question to ask at this time," Sock said even the though he knew perfectly well why Kirk would need it. "Is that all Captain?"
"Yeah, I guess, I think this nightmare will be bundled up soon. See you then."
"Good luck Jim," McCoy said. Kirk put away the communicator and the vile and turned to see the building was a smoldering ash pile. "I think Bones was right, I'm turning out to be pretty lucky."
He walked over to the main entrance of the building and saw Misty had just arrived. "Well darling," he said no feeling a little happier, "shall we go to that conveniently placed Italian restaurant across the way?"
She agreed and the crossed the street together causing only a minor car pile up as people swerved out of shock, and to avoid them. At first they were not allowed a table but after Misty used her laser vision on one of the waiters, they were greeted warmly.
She ordered a plate of spaghetti and he ordered the shrimp scampi. "If you'll excuse me," Misty smiled and headed for the Little Evil Unicorn Girl's room to fix herself up.
While she was gone her food arrived, and the waiter apologetically told Kirk, "I'm sorry sir, but we are all out of shrimp, would you like anything else?"
Kirk didn't really care, so we just ordered a second plate of spaghetti. As soon as the waiter left he slipped the vile of poison into Misty's food. Misty came back still feeling like a romantic and even more so when she saw only one plate of spaghetti. "Oh James, are we going to split the spaghetti with me?"
"No," Kirk could see the disappointment on her face, "I mean, I will slurp noodles with you, but first why don't you eat and I'll tell you a poem first."
Misty smiled. It was a beautiful restaurant. The tables had white cloths draped on them, there were candles, and thanks to their appearance, calm silence (because every other guest had left) except for the soft piano music. She began to eat as Kirk recited:
Violets are icy blue
Rose are blood red
And I'll love you forever
Until one of us is dead
She swallowed her food and squealed, "Oh that was beautiful! Tell me another one!"
Kirk coughed, wondering when the waiter would come out with his food. What he didn't know was that most of the staff had cleared the building. So he made up another poem:
Violets will wither
Roses are blood red
The butterflies are broken
The puppies are dead.
"Oh that was beautiful! Jim, why don't you try some spaghetti now?" She pushed the plate into the middle of the table.
Figuring he could just go into the bathroom and cough it up later. "Sure, sweetie," he lowered his head and began to eat. Accidentally, he and Misty had both picked up the same piece of spaghetti. Misty used this to her advantage to pull Kirk into a lip lock. To Kirk's disgust he now had more poison in his system than he had wanted.
McCoy had been smart enough to make it a slow poison but not enough to give Kirk the cure.
Misty became suspicious when she saw that Kirk was not eating as much. "Why are so nervous darling?"
Kirk made the mistake of hesitating. Misty screeched, "Have you found another girl? After all the time we spent together?"
"No-I-I," and again Kirk found himself hesitating, only to infuriate Misty more.
She looked down at the half empty plate as tears rolled down her cheek. "And after the beautiful meal we shared!"
Misty stormed out of the building. Kirk was so pleased with himself that he began to munch on the spaghetti. "Oops," he said, "Oh well I'll go quite my job and within the hour I'll be back on the ship, without any suit on!"
Smiling he flew back to the tourism store. "Looks like Misty was here," he thought observing the crushed building.
Kirk pulled out his communicator and prepared to beam out.
To Be Continued…
Coming up next: Not one, but six endings!!!! Thank you for the awsome reviews!
