Why are my hands shaking? This is ridiculous. It isn't even a date.
Blue or green… Blue. Jamie always liked me in blue. No. Don't wear blue because Jamie likes blue.
Ok, I'm wearing blue. I like blue. This is fucking stupid.
Cathy pulled the blue blouse over her head. It was a little dressy for the occasion, but she wanted to look nice. She couldn't see Jamie looking unkempt. It was 6:30. She would never make it on time.
Oh well… he knows that already
She pulled half of her hair back and clipped it into place.
Can we really do this?
Can we be friends?
After emptying the contents of her current bag into a different, much more stylish purse, she walked out of the apartment.
Jamie clocked her in at approximately 7:09. She was decently punctual. He was a bit surprised. He stood up at the small table, where he had already downed the majority of a beer. Cathy bounded in, the calmly composed herself, smoothing her silk blouse and crisp gray trousers.
Stay Cool, Cathy.
She walked over to the table and met his glance
"Hey, Jamie."
He very suddenly drew her into a slightly awkward embrace. Though brief and quite tense, it put her a bit more at ease.
"It's good to see you." He said gently, pulling out her chair and seating her.
"Thanks. You too."
He sat himself on the other side of the circular table and took a gulp of his beer.
"You want a soda? Some water? Something alcoholic?"
"Whatever you have is fine"
Why not? I don't work till tomorrow night. Not like I plan on getting completely trashed or anything. That would be not so good. But having a few beers isn't going to…
Oh god…
Don't smile, Jamie. Don't do that to me.
"So Cathy. Tell me what you thought. I want your honest reaction to the book."
She smiled.
"My first reaction?" she asked sweetly
"Sure. Absolutely."
She paused.
"I wanted to strangle you."
Jamie laughed, running a hand through his hair.
"I can understand that."
She hesitated shortly, before giving up.
Be honest. Just tell him what you thought.
"It was real. It hurt. I guess I can't really give you an objective point of view."
"That's it?"
"What do you mean 'that's it'?" she scoffed, rubbing her eyes briefly
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't press you for this. It's just… well, it's important to me, that's all."
"Your writing has always been important to you, Jamie. It is your first love, after all."
"That's not what I meant, Cathy."
"You expect me to rate this book like I don't know exactly what it's about by the first fucking line? Like I'm not in it?"
"Can we not do this?"
"Like I just picked it up off the shelf because it was under some "bestsellers" sign with an attractive picture next to it?"
"No. Absolutely not. What I was trying to say was that- " he stopped. "Attractive picture?"
"Mildly." She smiled half-heartedly, attempting any witty repartee that might work as she rubbed her already swollen eyes once again. "I'm sorry."
"Nah, don't be. I should have called you a long time ago about this. It was too personal."
"A bit. But I'm over it."
He raised an eyebrow.
"Ok, maybe not quite, but I have about a pint of ice cream at home that tells me I'm almost there."
He kneaded his hands together under the table. It became apparent to her that he was actually nervous. Super cool author Jamie Wellerstein, caught off guard. He straightened up a bit, attempting to instigate any form of conversation other than him making a fool out of himself.
Again.
"So…You know what I've been doing, obviously."
"We went over it."
"Yeah, so, what about you?"
"Well, um, ok. I did a national tour for six months. "South Pacific". It was… good. It was a good show."
"I saw a review in the paper. They said you were 'charming' and the show was 'cohesive and sincere'"
"For a tour, I guess."
"Come on, give yourself some credit. It was great."
"It was good. I already said that. I mean, it was a tour. Larger scale than anything I've ever done, and i was paid more for sure, but it was no award winner." She paused, reviewing his statement. "You saw it?"
"I was in Ithaca for a book signing at Cornell."
"Oh, that's… great"
"Was it fun? I mean, the actual touring thing. Did you like it?"
"I did, after the first month or so. It was hard, being new, and being… you know, the lead and stuff. The understudy who had been in the role was really ticked when they didn't just let her take it over after the last woman left. It was a hard month anyway. After that, though, it perked up. There were some really nice people. It's just hard being around actors for so long. My closest friends there ended up being in the band. They were a bit more level-headed."
He nodded, obviously interested in what she way saying. He didn't zone out. He didn't answer his cell phone when it was obviously vibrating in his pocket. He didn't even interrupt to ask for details. He just sat there looking at her, listening.
"I'm glad it was only for nine months, though. It was great to see the country and everything, but I missed home. I guess I realized that as much as I wanted to get away, New York was my home and I couldn't just leave it."
"What are you doing now?"
She blushed. She had been waiting for this. Now embarrassment ensued.
"I'm waiting tables."
Shoot. Real high class, Cathy. Can you maybe elaborate and not sound like a blabbering idiot?
"It's a place with singing waiters and stuff"
Oh, so much better. You're a class A now.
"Do you can-can, too?"
He caught himself right as he ended the sentence, wondering if maybe a joke was not such a good idea… but she smirked.
"Only on Fridays."
The waited brought the check, and Jamie picked it up without a second thought. It wasn't awkward, it was second nature. Cathy – dinner – pay – home – argue - sex. Ok, so maybe it wasn't all second nature anymore, but old habits die hard. He had learned that recently.
Jamie had been happy with Elise. They lived in a small apartment with little living space. He had learned to write in his office. A few months after the divorce, he had switched agents. It just seemed like something he needed to do to get a fresh start. Plus, with one mildly successful book already out, he had credentials. He thought that arguing was normal. It was his inherent nature to twist situations, and that wouldn't change.
As the months passed, though, Jamie realized that it wasn't something he had to do. He realized that his arguing with Elise was much different from arguing with Cathy. He argued with Elise because he wasn't happy. He argued with Cathy because he was worried they both wouldn't be. He finally realized that he could never love Elise. After admitting it to himself, he accidentally admitted it to her, and that was the end of that.
Now, he was back at square one, it seemed. It was almost a new life. He had a taste of fame and fortune, but after that, he was just Jamie. He closed his wallet and shoved it in his pocket.
"So, I'll uh, walk you home?"
"It's 21 blocks."
"I know."
"Okay."
Cathy mentally kicked herself in the shin for about the twentieth time that evening.
This cannot lead to good things. Well, ok, so it could lead to good things but… no. Tipsy Cathy bad judgments. Bad. Bad bad bad.
They began their hike, both knowing that it would take a good 30 or 40 minutes to walk to the apartment in the dark. Cathy was the first to speak up, not being able to tolerate silence.
"Where are you staying?"
"With one of my editors, for now."
She sighed.
Typical. Bet she's 5'8" and 125 pounds.
"Hey, I see that look. He's giving me a place to stay while my new place gets painted."
She blushed. "Where is it? Your new place, I mean."
"I can show you. We'll pass it in a few minutes."
"It's insanely huge, isn't it?"
"No. Ok, so maybe a little. Compared to everywhere else I've lived in this city, yes."
"Well, hey, if you've got the money, you might as well."
"I guess. I just like the area. Very artsy, but not really stuck-up. I hear Michael Crichton owns the floor above me."
"Really? That's too cool. So you'll be neighbors with Michael Crichton? Do you think he'll bring welcome jell-o when you move in?"
He laughed. "Not likely. It's one of about 10 places he own or rents."
"I can understand that. Why be in New York in the winter when you can be in Miami?"
"Because it's fucking gorgeous. I can't wait for snow. It'll be soon."
"I was scared I was going to have to stand trembling in my character shoes at my audition yesterday."
"Next week, maybe. I'd get the fluff coat out."
"Are you kidding? I already have! I wore it to the audition. I can't believe I didn't bring it tonight."
"You cold?"
"Oh, no, just a little"
He pulled his jacket off and slipped it around her shoulders.
Warm. He wore a suit. Very nice.
"Thanks"
"No problem. I'm always too warm."
"I know"
He smiled.
"Here we are."
A well-dressed doorman quickly greeted him formally, opening the door and tipping his hat to Cathy. She paused, and Jamie turned to face her.
"You coming?"
