Day 670 5 am
Welcome one and all! no really, you're not welcome so just don't fucking join us. "Faust!" Teepo said in the dark, "Where the fuck do you keep getting all this jell-o!?" as Teepo and I were trying to give Faust another bath since this time he got covered in mud. "Stop making it come out of the fucking hose!" I yelled at Faust as I threw a box of soap detergent at him. After I threw the box it collided into Faust's face and he started to foam out of every orifice on his body. "That's fucking nasty!" yelled Teepo as some soapy foam landed on one of his plushies that he'd been bringing around with him. Faust then started shaking all the foam off of himself and was extremely clean. But we were soaked and looked like fifty dogs slobbered all over us. "DAMMIT FAUST!" screamed Teepo as he looked at his plushies and were covered in the foam. Faust ran back into the house and we chased after, by the time we got to where he was hiding, it was now 8 am, and the others were still asleep. anyway, we chased Faust into a room that was completely white, and I mean WHITE! There were around twenty lights shining around the entire room and we spotted Faust in the corner, melding into the wall, sort of like a ninja, either that, or our eye's were burning outta their sockets because of the lights. And that's what happened this morning, and don't worry, we made it back to the living room...with our guide dog...wait a minute, that was FAUST!
Day 670 noon
Yep, our brains went to poop, seeing as how Faust blinded us earlier this day with the "white room." Anyway, we decided to follow Faust around the house to locate the stash of jell-o that he kept appearing covered in. He ended up leading us into some dimly light room, which sorta looked like a fortune telling booth thing, like the ones at the carnival. There was a table in the center of the room, and for reason, Faust was sitting at the head of the table, wearing a turban on top of his paper bag, causing him to look even dumber than he normally does. Besides him at the head of the table, Jack, Chris, and Kaylee were seated at the table in sorta like a circle thing, kinda like a séance. "Faust, what is going on here?" demanded Teepo. "We're going to contact the spirits of this home and see what we have been doing wrong." replied Faust. "Meh, fine, just don't kill us." I said back to him as I sat down, and Teepo found his collection of dolls at the table next to his girlfriend. "You need to get rid of those things." Kaylee said with a shudder. "Fk no, they're awesome." replied Teepo with a small note of defiance in his voice. "HEHEHEHEHEHEPOEMDNFPOKEMON!" Screamed Faust as he concentrated on the small glass orb sitting on the table. "I see...I seeeeeeee..." "What?" I asked "ME!" said Faust shoving the stupid glass ball into my face. A second later the table started to rise, only coming to a stop as I smashed it down with my fist, telling Faust to stop lifting the table. Soon, a mysterious figure started to crawl from underneath the table. "What's that?" asked Jack. "UHHHHHH!" it groaned as it crawled out. "I know what it is" I said, "It's the creature from the black lagoon!" "did you say the pitcher from the black lickerish factory?!?!" demanded Chris. "NO" Teepo glared back at him. "The creature is from a old horror movie that came out in the 1950's" " I'm just surprised that I knew that." said Teepo, now questioning his own brain. "Teepo, where did you learn that?" I asked. Teepo then pointed at the doll, "Ask them." he said. "Never mind." I replied before shooting the creature with a 12 gauge, ending its miserable life. After that excitement for the day, we went back and chilled for awhile in the rooms.
Day 670 10:49 pm
Well, it's around 11 at night now, and I'm currently looking for the bathroom with Teepo since we can't really find it. "Hey, I think I found the light switch!" stated Teepo. By the way, we haven't been able to find the light switch, so we've been traveling around the house in the darkness, unable to find anything. "AHHHH!!!!!!" Screamed an anonymous voice in the dark. I flipped the real light switch by my hand and it turned out that we we're in the kitchen and Teepo flipped the garbage disposal switch while Chris had his hand in it. "OHH SHIT!" I said as both me and Teepo ran over to Chris, who now only had one hand. "You guys suck!" yelled Chris, " I didn't even get to finish my donut!" "What the?!" said Teepo as he watched Chris' hand grow back. "Meh, it does that from time to time." said Chris. "oh." said Teepo. Anyway, we continued on our journey to find the restroom, only to stop about five times to pee on the walls, and to yell at Faust for following us. We were bored and marking territory on the way, so freaking what?! When we did find the bathroom, there was some type of floating board in the middle of the room, hovering over the toilet. "I get to use it first!" I yelled into Teepo's ear. "The board?" he asked. "No, the bathroom!" I exclaimed back. And with that, I went in and took a 3 hour dump.
