AUTHOR'S NOTE: This little tidbit was conceived when my girlfriend and I were talking about X-Factor. Ultimately I decided that the new issues, well . . . they bite some seriously big wind. So decided, absolutely, that if I were to write anything with the team it would be the old nineties group. For those of you who don't know these fine characters, here's the roster:

Alex Summers (Havoc)

Lorna Dane (Polaris –rawr-)

Forge (Also –rawr-)

Jamie Madrox (Multiple Man)

Rahne Sinclair (Wolfsbane)

Guido Carosella ( "Strong Guy" also, also –rawr-)

Pietro Maximoff (Quicksilver. He's not always there though.)

And then, of course, there were all of the loverly villains. Such legendary names as Random (A.K.A. Marshall "Marsha" Evans, the III, I believe), the Genoshian Magistrates, and we must not forget the illustrious Haven. Quite a colorful cast, no? Suffice to say, I am an avid X-Factor fan. Shoot me if you want, I know there are some X-Freaks out there who are STILL claiming left and right that X-Factor is a "X-Rip". But let me give you something to chew on. Why would Marvel hack their OWN stuff?

And, did I mention, Guido's uber-smexy?

DISCLAIMER: I do not own X-Factor, or any of the characters that therein belong.

Chapter 5: Fend For Yourself

Dinner time at the X-Factor compound. A time of dread terror. Everyone would hope and pray that when they came to the table that there was not a black, burnt . . . monstrosity awaiting them. Suffice to say it was usually "fend for yourself", but tonight the members of X-Factor had been called to the table to eat a "family dinner". Guido liked to refer to these nights as "sit downs" because you knew you'd sit down, but with Lorna cooking it was a bit unclear if you would ever . . . ever rise again.

But now, at half past six all members (save Pietro, of course) were gathered at the table. Guido, however, was in the kitchen from which wafted a smell which was strange and enticing all the same.

"Hey, d'you know what he's making?" Jamie asked with an elbow in Rahne's side.

"Nu, but whatever t'is, it smells like heaven."

Moments later, the doors to the kitchen came open and gave way to Guido's massive form. He ducked under the doorframe and turned around. In his over-mitten clad hands was an enormous pan bursting with lasagna.

"Get it while it's hot!" Guido said with a huge grin as he sat the food down in the center of the table. For a moment they all stared and then the eye of the storm passed and hungry hands went out. Most of half the pan was gone when Guido finally sat down and began eating. He shoveled it down in big forkfuls and then . . .

"WATER!"

"Oh my God!"

"Ackkk!"

As Guido shoved a huge mouthful of his cooking into his mouth and swallowed he gazed at his friends. Alex was guzzling his water like there was no tomorrow and to his left, Jamie gurgled a mouthful of H2O. Rahne had little tears forming quickly in her green eyes and Lorna was busy scraping her tongue with a napkin. Forge, meanwhile, surveyed his chunk of lasagna with a strange look on his face. Finally the techno-genius opened his mouth.

"It cannot be that bad."

The others watched as he brought a forkful to his lips and onto his tongue. After a moment of chewing, horribly masticated wad of sauce, meat, cheese, and noodle was back on his plate and looking evil.

"Italian sausage!" Forge cried out. They all looked at Guido who was bringing the last of his huge serving to his mouth. He stopped short of his lips and surveyed his friends' collective gaze. A gigantic, nervous grin overcame his features.

"Fend for yourselves . . .?"

As Guido reached for another slice of the cuisine, Jamie was already on the phone and calling for take-out.

So, now I think I should tell you. Something similar happened to me when my friend's mom made Lasagna. It was so immensely spicy that on the second bite I was practically in tears. And this is coming from a good ol' Italian girl. (I have my dad's last name, for those of you wondering . ). I love spicy food, but stars and garters (hehe, Hank)! That stuff was OUTTA HERE!

--J.L.—