Author's Notes: You won't believe what kind of one-shot ending I've got lined up here...
Shot 3
Kenny brought his feet close to himself again and leaned his back on the freezing dark metal walls as his legs arched to block his face from the embarrassment only a few feet away. It felt strange that the fact that this time, he couldn't see IT happening, was more embarrassing than actually seeing it. Even through the many years of browsing thoroughly through the library of porn magazines and Page 3 cut-outs in newspapers he kept under his bed, had allowed him to enter the World of close-up filth, none could prepare for having to bare this dark imprisoning trip up a floor or two whilst sitting next to two best friends making love to one another.
"Oh Christ!" Kenny murmured – burying his head in his hands as the sounds of Stan moaning words of joy were heard.
"Oh...oh...OH...K-K...KYLE...OH!" Stan continued as his lover continued to rock back and forth on top of him.
"Good...thing...no one...can...see us." Kyle replied back.
"But I can friggin' hear yer'." Kenny burst, but there was no reply. But there wouldn't be. Over the years, as a kinda friendly revenge for the two, Stan & Kyle would constantly make-out and do long kissing sessions whenever Kenny was around. Whether it were at school, in the local basketball court, or at either's house, they knew it would annoy Kenny. The blond-haired lad had dished out enough dirty and filthy thoughts over the years – espcially ones that seemed to taunt just how the two others thought even if it was just a joke. But it seemed now that the tide had turned – Kenny's tricks were being used against him...in the most extreme of ways. "I hope I get this much screwing-time whenever I find a hot chick to fuck..." Kenny whispered – eyes half-closed from the boredom of this predicament. Kenny seemed to lose focus and interest in how slow this blackened out metal box was moving. He thought metal cargo on magnetic railing would be quick, but nstead it was moving so slow that it seemed to make a turtle look like a speed freak. "URRRRRRK!" Kenny whined as he buried his head again underneath his folded arms.
Having lost interest in the primary subject, Kenny's mind automatically switched to the OTHER subject which was (or should we say, WERE) lying only a few feet away. It wasn't a matter of will they do it that he was thinking about, but it was more of a question of how long – how much energy they had to do it AND annoy Kenny at the same time...as well as how long it'd be before the process of what Kenny wierdly nicknamed the 'post-love' would happen. But the thought of THAT sent chills down his cold-enough spine. With his head creepingly and shockingly rising with his eyes wide-open, he rotated his head right with a shocked face. And without hesitation, he launched from his bored position and tried to leap away from what was going on – only one problem...the elastic connection. Unable to move anywhere else, all he was left with was to sit and HOPE that none of Stan's and/or Kyle's 'love' on him. The thought of it made him shiver.
"Y'know, have you guys ever thought of those sexually transmitted diseases they talked in class about...but y'know...IN YER' ASS?" No reply...judging by the moaning and noises that were made by the boy this time, Kyle was the one who receiving the treat this time 'round. "You could at least use some protection." Even humor couldn't save Kenny from putting up with this. Even if he had put up with Stan & Kyle kissing, hugging, rolling on the floor and doing things that should only been done in private, the fact that all Kenny could see was pitch blackness made it even scarier and unbearable. "I'll get them back when I found someone to have sex with." Kenny whispered to himself – already planning how he was gunna get these two back for this whole experience.
15 minutes and lots of wriggling and moaning later, Kenny stepped out of the opened metal box onto yet another boiler-room styled metal platform. Only a few feet away, Stan and Kyle were not far behind – hugging each other and still kissig their adorable faces out. Kenny stood with his head down – annoyed but ashamed at the experience he had been put through. Suddenly, he felt two warm hands on his shoulders. He turned around and there were Stan and Kyle – staring at Kenny with huge smiles on their faces.
"Oh come on Kenny, you have to admit, it WAS fun." Stan said with a smirk.
"Ewwwww, NO WAY DUDE! How can you even ENJOY doing WHAT you do whilst making me sit there and listen to it."
"Oh you know you love it Kenny."
"NO...NO I DON'T!" Kenny croosed his arms just how Kyle did when he was annoyed.
Suddenly, he felt Kyle buzzing around him again. "Well y'know what they say...if yer' can't beat 'em...JOIN THEM!"
Kenny's mind took a while to tick and realise what exactly Kyle was proposing. And as soon as the penny had dropped again, Kenny ran in fright – pulled back by the elastic cord and ended up landing on his ass on the metal flooring. Stan and Kyle stood laughing as Kenny made his way back onto his feet. And as he looked back at the two in defeat, Kyle sighed and simply gave Kenny a friendly hug. "Ah Kenny, you're too easy to mess around with, now. You need to lighten up dude."
"OOOOOH...and is what you call 'lightening up' making me HAVE to listen to you two doing 'what you do'."
"Mmmmmmm...well...that's what you get whenever me and Stan love each other SO MUCH."
And as soon as Kenny had finished rolling his eyes in defeat again, the three were on their way again down the metal path.
Despite that they were on the first floor now, and were only one floor away from their target goal, the platform they were walking across looking as if it were floating above a bottomless pit. Only the small lights above lit up what was a mammoth room with what looked like a pitch black hole below. "We best be careful here. One trip and we're dead." Stan reminded the other two as they made their way around the complex series of metal staircases and grated flooring.
After a few minutes of getting lost in the midst of the metallic maze of stairs, the three lads could finally see the light of the final door which, according to the map, would lead straight up to the second floor and to their goal room – hopefully, where they coud finally put some clothes back on, Stan thought. But just as they reached the final spiralling staricase up to the lift door, the platform square they were walkinga cross, collapsed from underneath them. They found themselves crashing down towards the darkened bottom of this chamber room. Fortunately, Kenny managed to garb onto the side of one of the joining squares – leaving Stan and Kyle hanging within mid-air. If the gravatational pull of their weight wasn't unbearable enough on Kenny, the metal he was grasping onto, was digging into his palms.
"Don't you let go Kenny...don't you FUCKING LET GO!" Stan yelled from underneath him as Kenny felt one finger on one hand slip.
"I...I can't...I can't keep..."
"YES YOU CAN KENNY!" Kyle yelled back. Even though the two of them were swinging back and forth trying to reach over to the metal framing so that they could hold on too, it wasn't helping in Kenny's case.
"It's...it's...it's too much...I can't lift myself up!"
"YOU HAVE TO KENNY...WE'RE GUNNA DIE IF YOU DON'T!"
But the support he was getting from Stan & Kyle WASN'T helping. He could feel his finger gradually slipping from off the metal. And it wasn't long before the final few finger were going...going...going...GOING..."SHIT!"...GONE!
And as Kenny lost his grip on the side of the metal, he could feel blasts of air rushing past him as he made a dramatic connected drop through into the blackness. But as Kenny locked his eyes shut and braced himself for whenever he'd hit hard ground again, he felt a soft splash of water around his feet. Even stranger though, was that Kenny along with the other two could still feel themselves standing. Kenny opened his eyes again and looked down – pressing his left foot down harder on what he was standing on...solid ground – solid wet ground. "HEY...this is flooring – flooring with a few inches of water." He looked up at the ceiling and suddenly wanted to smack himself across the head.
"WE ARE a bunch of fucking idiots..." Stan began just before Kenny could burst out. "...There WAS NO big massive drop, the water was just reflecting the dark ceiling – that was all."
And after a few seconds of silence, Kenny started spazzing out by jumping up and down and kicking the water around him. "AH FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKING HELL!!!" Even that short out-burst told its own story just as Kenny looked up to make the embarrassment rub its way in deeper even more – with the metal platforms being only ten feet above. But after the three had finally found it within themselves to forgive their own stupidity, they began searching through the darkness of the shallow water and finally found a staircase up to the lift door. Finally reaching it and walking through the shiny entrance, they stepped into a perfectly silver metallic lift – as normal as the ones they found themselves in earlier today when they had their clothes on. "Thank fucking God, we made it!" Kenny smiled – rubbing his hands together in excitement.
"Awwwww...I was getting quite used to that." Kyle replied with a joking tone. "Ah well, I guess we've still got the bed." He cuddled up to Stan again.
"Oh yeh, I forgot about that." Stan spoke in an equal if not more flirty voice. Kenny stood once more HAVING to watch and listen to those two kissing and cuddling one another's presence.
The lift pinged and the double doors slid open t pitch blackness again. This time, it was total darkness. Only the slight hazy visibility of the white flooring made it perfectly clear they were back on the same level from earlie today. A few careful feet onwards, the three found themselves walking up a few steps onto what looked like some kind of carpetted spherical podium. "I wonder what this is all about – did they have some kind of awards cermony here or sumin?" Kenny whispered.
"I dunno dude, let's keep quiet so that no one hears us." Kyle replied in the same-leveleed quiet voice.
And as the three made their way across the carpetted region and to the end of the podium...it happened. Lights suddenly activating...TV screens buzzing to life, devices pinging on and a few hundred people around them yelling: "SURPRISE!!!"
All Stan, Kyle & Kenny could do was stand in shock. What...the...hell was going on? One minute they were trying to find their way through one hell of a wierdly designed Government facility...and now...NOW...they were in front of hundreds of smiling and laughing people who could see all three boys standing there side by side...naked. "OH...MY..." Kyle spoke in a worrying voice as a slight drop of sweat started to trickle its way down.
"HEY HEY, that was one hell of a performance you gave us guys..." A cheery guy wth a microphone and cameraman behind him began – walking up to the bottom of the podium just in front of the three boys. "...well I'm pleased to say that you've just been STITCHED UP...as part of FOX's brand new Reality TV comedy show – 'Stitched!' How do you guys feel?!" Which was followed by another wave of applause from the people around.
"WHAT?!" Kyle didn't know whether to say it in an angry voice or an embarrased voice. But NOW he wanted his clothes more than ever.
"You didn't really think you three were heading to some 'TOP SECET' Government Facility for scans right? NO, that was all just a set-up – all we did was blind-fold YOU THREE and you three alone on your bus-trip to our TV studios, constructed an area that looked like a facility and then sent you CRASHING down to 'Basement 6' so that we could watch your progress as you made your way up here – ALL for our and the public's amusement." The presenter smiled again with a cheesy grin.
"You mean...all this...is fake!?"
"THAT'S RIGHT...well...I wouldn't count your 'naughty business' as fake though...as our infra-red and secretly hidden cameras can show." And just like that, loads of large flat-screen tellies dotted all around the room flashed highlight after highlight of what the three boys had gone through. But it was ONE scene that made not only Stan and Kenny...but KYLE TOO, hide in emabrassment – not that they had anywhere to hide. And as they replayed a green-shaded video of the inside of a pitch black metallic box with one boy leaning against the wall with his arms-crossed as he looked over at two others who were lying down 'doing something else', the three boys found themselves shrinking to atom-sized height in sheer embarassment. If the wave of laughs were anything to count on, this was certainly an embarassing day for Stan, Kyle & Kenny – magnified now that they'd become a laughing stock on national TV.
"So who set us up then. WHO THE FUCK MADE US DO ALL THIS SHIT, HUH?!" Stan yelled with an angered face just as he, Kenny and Kyle crossed their arms in pissed off states.
"HO-OH, you...or should I say WE...have your good ole' friend Eric Cartman to thank for one hell of a season opener...though I think there were plenty of other things that were opening up during this!" And as the audience laughed once more at the presenter's shit joke, the three boys stood – jaws wide open, fists clenched and feeling their blood boil.
And without hesitation, Kyle went first to unleash his anger. "CARTMAAAAAAAAN!!!!"
-
"ARGHHHHH...HOLY SHIT!" Kyle yelled – jumping up in absolute fear and shock in bed as his eyes were more wide than when he was usually awake.
"KYLE, you OK?" Stan asked – putting his arm around Stan as he too lifted his head off the pillow, sat up in the king-size bed and looked over at his boyfriend. "What happened...did you have a bad dream?"
Kyle started breathing heavilly like he always did whenever he had nightmares. "Well...yeh...but...no at the same time – it was like...a DREAMARE."
"Dreamare? O...K...well, you tell me all about it tomorrow, alright?"
Realising things were back to where they REALLY were in the REAL World, Kyle moved his body back down onto the bed and underneath the covers – cuddling up to his lover, Stan.
"You sure you wanna know?" He whispered.
"Hmmmm...yeh of course...anything that's made you jump up in fear MUST have been scary."
"Well...it was kinda enjoyable too."
"A nightmare that was enjoyable? My my, this is gunna be quite a listen tomorrow during lunch." Kissing Kyle on the lip once more, Stan turned on his side and yawned. "Night night Kyle."
"Night night Stan." Thank goodness for Kyle – it was ALL just a dream!
THE END
Author's Comments: So there we go...the massive twist at the end – it was all just in Kyle's dreamy head. But remember boys and girls, the moral of the story: Reality TV is evil and shit! Tell me if I'm completely crazy or best yet, completely genius for coming up with that, please – I don't know whom I'll be seen as after THIS. ;)
