A/N: yo back tracking through some of Hermione's memories, which will be in, bold… sorry for the potential agony I might cause but oh well R+R!!!

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RECAP: "Why are you looking at me like that?"

"Like what?" he recoiled slightly

"Like--" I dropped the cup I think it probably shattered into a million pieces, but I wasn't really paying attention… probably because that same Draco Mal- Black was kissing me and it wasn't on the cheek, at all. But he was most definitely lingering. And I wasn't doing anything at all to stop him.

I couldn't move, think or breathe, so he did. He moved his head back enough so that he could talk, but he was close enough so that I felt every single breath.

"I'm sorry."

I couldn't say anything.

"I just—I'm sorry."

"D-D-dr-dra--"

"You don't need to say anything, I understand. I knew I always knew that you would never give me that look back…" WHY CAN'T I SAY ANYTHING?!?!?!?, "I-"

"Hermione it's ok… I understand, it was rather stupid of me to listen to a dream in the first place."

"It's not stupid." Why didn't I see this before? Have I been that selfish? Probably… Why couldn't I just kiss him back? How did he keep that a secret for… Oh my god, since 2nd year? 2nd year… "Draco- I--"

"Hermione, if that's not stupid then what is?"

"Since 2nd year?"

"When you were petrified…"

I felt helpless, I also felt like I re-verted back to being 16, if Draco had said this back then what would have happened? How would I have reacted? But I love(d) Ron. Even still, maybe I would have thought about Draco—I CANNOT BELIEVE I'M EVEN ASKING MYSELF THIS! But Draco, he knew and oh my god I thought that—I'm such an idiot. "I'm sorry… Draco I'm—How did you keep that a secret from me?"

"Well, first of all you were a little distracted," I winced as he continued, "Secondly, do you have any idea how many people I would have been betraying, or hurt if I told you back then? We were at war, the Weasley's took me in despite EVERYTHING! Ron was in love with you, I even knew that before you two actually acknowledged it. If I had made you choose back then and even though it was never an option you would have considered because that's just who you are Hermione you give everyone a fair chance. And if you had by some crazy freak occurrence picked me, had me, wanted me, instead of Ron then it would have killed everyone including me and you. And if you didn't pick me it would have also killed everyone including Ron and you, either way I would have hurt you, and when you saved me and my friends MY BEST FRIENDS, from Voldemort, and our fathers. After that I promised myself I would never EVER hurt you again. I couldn't do it, ever again because at the end of the day, I knew that if you were happy that's all I needed to keep myself going. It didn't have to be with me, but it had to be someone who loved you as much as I did, and Ron did."

I started crying, "No, instead you were just going to live your life as you are now, and never even try to be with anyone else?!" I don't know why I'm yelling, maybe it's because I knew he was right… but it didn't stop me. "This is why you've only been a six month guy? This is way you hang around me and Kaylee all the time."

"Yes."

"Why Draco?! Why have you done this to yourself?!"

"I didn't… I just fell in—love with—you. It was your eyes, I just—there's no one else like you! Ok!?" great now he's yelling and now he's coughing up a storm too.

"I-I have to go..."

"Hermione did you ever love me? Even if it was only for a moment did you ever love me?

"I—I don't know, ok?!" The thing is I'm not lying I don't know

He took a deep breath in, "Yes it's ok…"

"So then what do we do?" I sucked in a huge breath of air as well

Draco dropped his gaze to the ground, "Do you want to stay?"

"I-I can't"

"Why?"

"I just can't ok!?

"Hermione?"

And I left, I haven't cried so much since Ron died. I hoped into the shower and just said everything that was going on in my mind out loud 'Stupid Bloody Albino Ferret! Doesn't he see? I had no idea how to answer that! I mean what would he have me say 'Oh yes Draco there was a time where I loved you and I do now?' When I don't even know if I do or ever did? All I've ever really known is Ron! Viktor was let's face it a bullshit relationship, and McLaggen was about getting even, I've only known Ron and all of our friends have only been with each other we started out young, we married young and we had kids REALLY young! Draco Bloody MALFOY has been the only one of us to experiment!! How should I know? HE AND RON WEREN'T EVEN SIMILAR! SO HOW THE BLOODY HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW IF I'LL LOVE HIM THE SAME?!? Was there ever a time where I thought that he and Ron were on the same level? Well I guess before the Yule ball and when he switched sides…

Draco ran into me it was right before the ball. I remember he caught me before I fell it was the first time he ever apologized me, " Merlin, I'm sorry are you ok?"

I couldn't believe he was actually being nice to me so I just thought that he couldn't recognize me so I just gaped at him, "M-m-malfoy???"

He then realized who I was, but he didn't turn into the nasty git I had grown up with he continued, "You alright?"

I must have looked like a fish because my mouth was still wide open with shock, shared the same thought process, 'No one's here, and I did apologize let's just be civil just this once.'

"I-I'm fine, where's the fire?" I tried cracking a joke, it worked, kind of…

he looked confused at first, "Uh, what fire? Oh you mean about the running yeah, Millie just told me that Parkinson has a two mini shrines under her bed, of me. And she blackmailed me into going to the Yule ball with her, so I'm freaking out and I ran out of our common room. That's um it… basically…"

"Wait- you mean you didn't know? Granted I only knew about the shrine at school but still how did you not notice?" we both laughed

"Yeah not exactly helping Hermione." That was the first time he had ever called me Hermione…"Di-did you just call me Hermione?" I took a step forward and winced with pain and I felt two hands on my shoulders carefully holding me up so that I wouldn't fall…

"Oh shit I think I sprained your ankle come on let's go to Madam Pomfrey's."

"Are you joking I was going to be early, for my date." I blushed, yeah first/ worst date of my life…

He looked at me skeptically and sighed, " Hermione, first off guys prefer girls five –ten minutes late, it means you're not desperate. Secondly good luck dancing with Krum while you have a sprained ankle, which if we go to Madam Pomfrey's right away then, you'll show up with the rest of the champions and their dates on time."

"How did you know that Viktor asked me?" I blushed, again

"Because, a) you're not the only one who uses the library and b) Krum sits at our table remember?"

"Oh… right…" I whispered while putting my hand around Draco's shoulder as we walked to the Hospital Wing. Then I asked, "Why are you being nice to me? Don't you hate me more specifically Muggleborns?"

He winced, " I don't hate you and I don't hate Muggleborns… well except for Roger Davies, he kind of pisses me off, but other than that I don't generalize."

I was a little angry at his confession, "Then, why do you make my life a living hell? Do have any idea how hard I try and ignore some of the dumb stuff that comes out of your mouth?"

"I'm sorry." he whispered

I sighed, "If you're sorry then why do you do it?"

"I don't really have a choice…" He looked like he was in a lot of pain when he answered, but I kept pushing him. "What do you mean? You can deal with peer pressure."

"It's not my peers that I'm afraid of." He looked as if I had just wrenched his heart out of his chest, I felt sorry so I tried to show a little empathy… "What do you mean?" but he couldn't answer "I can't talk about it. Please Hermione just let it go, when I say or do stuff to you it's just about my image that's all that's not how I really feel, I'm not as heartless as my ----"

As his what? "As your what?" he looked down at the ground and stopped walking with me, probably because we were at the Hospital Wing, I was expecting him to just leave but he made a tiny confession, "Just be grateful that you have a family that loves you as much as they do, and that it doesn't matter how different you are or if you disagree with them. They'll always love you, and typically at least in Slytherin, that's not a luxury we have." I didn't know what to say, kind of like now but his confession wasn't over, "By the way over this summer, I know I didn't warn you in the most well, nicest way and I know I didn't exactly point you into the right direction to evade the Death eaters, but thank you for not getting caught."

"You warned me?" I didn't have a clue what he was talking about so he repeated himself, "Yes I warned you remember? Hadn't you better be hurrying along, now? You wouldn't like her spotted, would you?" and then you said, "What's that suppose to mean?" Then I answered with "Granger, they're after Muggles, D'you want to be showing off you knickers in midair? Because if you do, hang around... they're moving this way, and it would give us all a laugh." (A/N: American version GoF Chapter 9, p.121-123)

"You were warning me …" When I look back on it especially now, I see that he was warning me… I remember feeling a spark of something, it was more than compassion and even greater than empathy, I think it was—I don't know…

He continued even still, "Yeah, so whenever or whatever I say, with the exception of this conversation ignore, because it's not really me, have a fun time I'll see you once come down." he groaned, "Ugh, at least you'll have a decent date."

He smiled sadly and then walked off. I didn't see him again until the ball. He looked at me during a slow dance he was dancing with Pansy and I was dancing with Krum, and he gave this look—the same look he just gave me before he kissed me—how did I never know? I stepped out of the shower and started getting dressed, afterwards I walked to my now cold coffee from this morning threw some ice in it, looked out the window, and I thought of Draco again… There was a spark when he told me he protected me from death eaters, I thought he might have been lying but then, why bother? That spark wasn't all that different from when Ron and I bumped heads at the Hospital Wing…

"Hey…" Ron could barely whisper… he was in the Hospital Wing because he was accidentally poisoned by Draco…

"Hi…" At first I couldn't look at Ron, I was still angry about the whole Lavender thing… "don't let this make you think that you're off the hook for being a complete wanker to me…"

He apologized, "I know… I'm sorry, I was- it was stupid." But I was still angry… "You know- it's one thing when we're in first year or when we were in fourth year and you decide that, I'm not good enough, because then I think it's just a boy thing. But then I realize that it's not a boy thing because when Harry gets a girl friend or when he goes out with a girl, he can still be my friend but you decide that, for what ever reason, I—I just don't make the cut with you do I? Do you do I on purpose or do you just not realize how insensitive you are? Did it ever occur to you that there is a reason why I have to be at the top of my class or that I bury myself in the library to maybe escape reality… You know Ron you're my best friend, not Harry, not Neville not Ginny or Luna, you, you're my best friend, but you just don't see that do you? I wasn't even all that jealous of Lavender, I was just sad because you wouldn't talk to me unless you wanted to fight with me. Not even Draco bloody Malfoy can make me feel as small as you do."

"I'm sorry, why do you let me affect you like this? I didn't realize you were as sensitive as you are when Malfoy says dumb stuff you just ignore it so I figured you just ignore me!" he apologized again,

"BECAUSE DRACO MALFOY ISN'T MY FRIEND!!! That's why Ron, that's why I can ignore him and—and" and that's when I felt the spark again because it was true, Draco Malfoy was not my friend… but it didn't stop him from protecting me from Death Eaters... After that I ran out of the Hospital Wing and ran into Murtle's bathroom where then I was shocked to find a crying Draco Malfoy… who was swearing to himself…

" Oh shit, oh shit, oh SHIT! I'm so screwed, how the hell am I going to get myself out of this?"

before I realized it however I shouted at the top of my lungs, " I have had enough!"

"Enough of what Granger?" he asked wiping away some tears

I shouted at him like I usually did, "What the hell are you doing here?!"

"I was here first…" he replied in a cool manner, like he usually did

so then I yelled again, "This is a girl's lavatory: sniff: Malfoy!"

"Yeah no offense but I'm pretty sure what you're crying about has nothing on what I have to deal with, and no one goes into this lavatory."

"And how would you know?"

"I'll assume that this is about Weasley, I'm sorry." He looked guilty after that, I paused and whimpered, "What?"

He whimpered with me, "I did it, I didn't know he'd drink it I'm sorry."

I let my mouth gape like it did in our fourth year, "You WHAT?!"

"It's my assignment from Voldemort to kill Dumbledore I'm trying to stuff up on purpose without killing anyone, you can thank Potter for all of the stunts this year."

I took a step back, he looked at me with that face again, the one he looked at me in fourth year during the ball…

" What the heck are you talking about?" I asked a little frightened for the answer… he told me all about Voldemort and what he had to do for him or else everyone he had ever cared about would die, I brought him to Dumbledore's office, I honestly didn't think about Ron until the middle of the next day, I was so worried about Draco, Blaise and Millie…

I remember as we were walking out of Dumbledore's office he broke down crying, so I did the one thing my mum would do for me when I started crying I rubbed his back, I said that everything would be ok, and that I looked forward to seeing him, Millie, and Blaise over the summer and then I-I kissed him on the cheek.

Great now my heart feels like it's going to implode on itself… I could now see that I hurt Draco, I hurt him the same way Ron had sometimes hurt me… I had to go back to him, I had to go back now… It's 5 o'clock already?! It got dark really quickly how did I not notice I was looking out the window… I was going to have to catch a cab, I just didn't have enough concentration to apperate… and I didn't want to use the fire place, so I threw on some shoes and grabbed my jacket and umbrella, and when I went to my front door I opened it to find, a very remorseful Draco… Who had one hand in a fist like he was just about to knock on the door.

I dropped my umbrella, he started to cough a little, so he used his hand that was already suspended in the air to cover his mouth, after he stopped coughing he partially whispered, "Can I come in? I need to talk to you about what—" I covered his mouth with my hand lightly, I took about two steps back so that would equal one of Draco's steps damn he was tall…

He closed the door behind him. He tried to speak again, and I put my hand over his mouth again, he tried moving it after that so I just shook my head, "Draco? Can't you just stop talking for a minute?"

He shook his head and we stayed like this for about five minutes or so, the only thing interrupting our silence was his coughing, except that is an involuntary action. I don't know why I needed silence, but I just did.

He looked desperate and confused, and all I wanted to do, was to do something… Anything that would take away all the years that I had hurt him, I didn't realize and I didn't have to prove that to him but still… I needed to do something…

He started looking away and he kept on opening and closing his mouth, not because he was afraid of me shutting him up again I think he was looking for the right words to say.

Then he finally started speaking again, I couldn't help but drown him out, I was watching my life pass by me again. Like I had done for the last four years. And then I saw me, a 16 year old me who I hadn't looked back on in a while and then I saw it the memory I was looking for…

Ron and I hadn't been together yet it was Draco's second week with the Weasley's who had actually treated him as one of their own, all along, Mrs. Weasley—Molly was fussing and fretting over him it was during dinner and afterwards he walked and set a blanket down and just watched the stars, I walked out to see what he was doing and he asked me… Oh my god…

I looked back at Draco who was still talking, I don't even know what about, I smiled and then I even laughed a little.

"What?" he asked, what was very much loaded questioned…

"What? I'll tell you, what I think there was a time and a place that I forgot about until just now where I used to do all the talking, and you called me on it and told me to stop talking so I did, I think I loved you then, it was brief, but it was there, and after Ron died. You helped me when no one else even knew what to do with me, and I don't I've ever told you how much that meant to me, when I would start crying Kaylee would start and vice versa you gave us a break from each other so that we could finally feel a little more like ourselves… And Draco I wish I had told you…" I stepped forward and hugged him.

He hugged me back, and needless to say we had another silence.

"You did? Really?"

"We were looking at the stars outside of the Burrow. Remember? I walked out and you said,"

"Care to join me Miss Granger Savior of the misfits Slytherins." It made me want to cry so I said, "Don't joke about that Draco I've been worried since I saw you in May crying in Murtle's bathroom."

"I wasn't joking Hermione." I laid down next to you.

"Still…"

You held my hand, and looked towards me, "No I really wasn't joking…" I looked back and that's finally where I remember that specific look that you keep going on about. I thought I first got that look from Ron… It wasn't Ron—it was you Draco. I was still a bit miffed so I rambled on until you the 16 year old you kissed my forehead and said, "Hermione just stop talking." So I did and we watched the stars until Ginny, Luna, Neville, Millie, Blaise, Harry and Ron came out with us.

"You remember that?" he looked entirely shocked

"Yeah, I do." I shook my head and buried my face in his chest, "and I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry."

he laughed, I looked up and saw him smirking while I was barely smiling, he hugged me, " Miss Granger Savior of this Slytherin misfit, I switched sides remember it's going to take a lot more then that to get rid of me… And Hermione do you remember when I said I dreamed about that time in 4th year?"

"What about it?" I asked coyly

"I had a dream about Ron too and he told me to grow a backbone and finally tell you…"

"He said that?" I laughed

"Well in not so many words…" He laughed too

"So what now?" I couldn't help but smile at this point, Draco replied with a similar cheesy grin molded on his face, "I don't know, dating I guess…"

"Dating sounds like a good idea after we ok it with Kaylee."

"Good plan."