sorry i have not updated my laptop died just as i was finishing chapter 5 and i hate my desktop! plus i had to move files around.


I was sitting in the waiting room, my leg bouncing as I fidgeted with my hands every so often.

"Stop that, Peter." My mom spoke softly.

"How… how did you know?" I asked the question that had been on my mind since I was called into the office.

"Mrs. Trohman called. She found your jacket under Joe's bed. She said it smelled like alcohol." She didn't sound mad. Just… disappointed. I hated that more than yelling.

"How does she know it wasn't Joe's?" I asked knowing it was lame.

"She said that it was too small. Why was it Joe's?" she sounded slightly hopeful as if with one 'yes' I could redeem myself in her eyes.

"No." I sighed. It took a lot out of me to look her in the eyes as the hopeful sparkle disappeared, but I loved Joe and Andy, they were my brothers. Sure now Andy was a mother's dream didn't drink or do drugs, though around us he was still the same guy. Joe however was just better at acting like nothing happened washing hoodies, using mouthwash, and knowing his limit. Joe never got drunk just buzzed enough to wake up clear-headed. I wasn't good at knowing my limit. Well I knew it… I just ignored it for the most part.

"Peter Wentz?" my name was called.

"I'll wait here." I hated the disappointment in her voice.

"Okay, mom." I said softly, and sadly.

"Hello, Peter. I am Dr. Steckmen."

"Hey." I took a seat as he gestured to it.

"Okay, Peter, so why are you here?" I didn't like him.

"I got drunk hid at a friends house, and hid it from everyone else." It was as if someone else said those words.

"I see. Why did you drink?" He asked scribbling something down.

I thought. Should I tell him, only Joe knew. I supposed he was a doctor. "I like the numbness." Now it was someone else, it was that Peter that had lay down and told Joe everything it wasn't the Pete who had woken up and lied the whole day.

"Excuse me?"

"That numb feeling of nothingness. Just before you hit the fuck-I'm-shit-faced level? It feels better than anything else." I looked down.

"What do you mean?"

"You know what the fuck I mean! The numb feeling?"

"Yes?" I hated how he glossed over the swearing.

"It feels good to me!"

"Explain."

"It is the best fucking feeling I've had in as long as I can fucking remember." I said simply.

"I see." He wrote something down. "Is there anything else I should know?"

I was beginning to hate him. "I have insomnia. When I do sleep I have nightmares."

"What kind of nightmares?" his pen was poised over the paper.

"Well there are… dark things, but they're far away." I tried, and failed, to describe it.

"Hmmm, is it just that one nightmare?"

"Yeah." I nodded.

"So your friend-"

"Joe."

"Yes, Joe helped you hide this?"

"Yeah. Wait, no, I don't want Joe to get in trouble!" I stood.

"Don't worry, Peter, he won't." I could tell it was a lie.

"No, man, not cool! I can't get Joe in trouble! He is my best friend!"

"Tell me about your friends, I swear to you nothing will leave this room."

"They're all like me. Not Andy, he's a good boy. He doesn't drink, do drugs, or have sex. Nothing." I sat anger forgotten.

"Tell me about Joe." I knew that was coming, after all he was the one who hid this fuck up.

"I barely know him." It was a truth and a lie, I had practically just met him, but I also knew everything about him.

"You said he was your best friend. Describe him for me, once again nothing you say will leave this room."

"He's good at hiding things. He smokes and drinks but his parents don't know. Not as much as me of course, he told me off when I broke into his room last night. He's pretty undercover bad ass." I smiled slightly at the joke.

"Hmm… well unless you have anything else. We're done." He stood and shook my hand.

I walked out into the waiting room.

"How was it?" my mom was waiting for me.

"Fucked up." I shrugged. She just shook her head. Swearing didn't get me her attention anymore; nothing got me anyone's attention anymore that's why I had started drinking.