Chapter 8

"Confessions of a Broken Heart"

WARNING: This does contain mentions of rape. It doesn't get descriptive though. I don't think I could write that.

Xander sighed sadly, his eyes downcast as he slowly ate his dinner. The youthful chatter of the students, which normally would have cheered him up, did nothing for his gloomy demeanor. It had been a month…a long, depressing month since Xander had fought with Remus. During the day they were polite to each other, but Remus made no move to initiate conversation. He no longer visited his rooms for no reason at all, and Xander hadn't felt his feral stare in so long. At night though…the nights were the worst for Xander. His dreams were filled with things that could have been. Heated kisses…sweat soaked skin rubbing forcefully together…Xander woke to the sound of his own tears and stained sheets.

"Dear boy, are you quite alright?" Dumbledore asked quietly, breaking Xander out of his reverie. He lifted his eyes, flinching at the knowing warmth in the wise blue eyes.

"I'm alright Albus."

"Then why are you crying?"

The question left him dumbfounded. He reached up to stroke his face, feeling the dewy wetness covering them. He…he was crying in the middle of the Great Hall, in front of all his colleagues and pupils. He shot to his feet, nearly knocking over his chair in the process. He couldn't get out fast enough, his long legs leading him out the side door and into the halls.

Many stared after him, the commotion startling them from their conversations. The hall grew strangely silent, each person confused at what just occurred. One person, his eyes dim, caught the gaze of the Headmaster. The old man smiled slightly, his blue eyes like ice as they stared at the professor. Remus got to his feet and walked calmly away out the other side door.

"Damn it! I can't take this anymore!" Xander screamed as he chucked his glass against the wall, shattering it to miniscule pieces. He tried, Merlin knows he tried to ignore the tears streaming down his face, but he just couldn't anymore. He collapsed to his knees and covered his face with his hands.

"No more…it's just like before, with him…please no more!"

"Him?"

Xander lifted his face slowly, catching Remus' inquiring gaze. He stumbled back, unsure of what the werewolf wanted.

"What…what…"

"You said him. Was there another person before I came?"

The Muggle Studies teacher shot to his feet, fist clenched and his brown eyes narrowing into slits. He would have looked dangerous to most, but with the tear streaks Remus knew better. He wasn't dangerous right now…he was scared…of him…

"Who says you mean anything to me?"

"You wouldn't have been crying if I didn't." Remus explained calmly, striding past the younger boy to lounge across his couch. Xander turned, mouth agape, as Remus leaned back against the cushions and plopped his feet atop his coffee table.

"So who was this guy?"

Xander sighed, knowing full well that if he didn't answer Remus then they would stay like this all night. He muddled over, sitting as far away from Remus as he could on the couch.

"His name was William…though many called him Spike…" Xander began, breathing slowly in and out as the memories flowed through his mind. The tears, the pain, the humiliation…then the dust…and he was gone…

"Vampire?"

Xander nodded. Remus scooted closer, his arm casually draping itself around Xander's shoulders. The boy unconsciously leaned in closer; desperate for the warmth the werewolf was giving off.

"He was Angelus' Childe, William the Bloody. He came to town while I was a sophomore in high school. He was…charming…kind…everything a teen confused about his sexuality could want."

"Did you know he was a vampire then?"

"Yeah," Xander sighed, his head on Remus' shoulder. Long, rough fingers came up, entangling themselves in the silky softness of Xander's hair. He angled into the soothing touch as it calmed his raw nerves.

"Angel warned me about him. Soulless demon and all of that. But I was in love with Spike; I didn't want to hear anything bad about him…"

"It was our one month anniversary and Spike wanted to take me somewhere special. He said he had something to give me…God, I was so happy then, with him. He never treated me like Donut Boy, or the Zeppo. He was happy to be around me, he said, because I was Xander. I was his."

Xander shuddered, his tears leaking past his clenched tight lids. Remus reacted unconsciously, drawing the shaking young man onto his lap. He wrapped his arms around him, holding him close to his heart as he cried.

"I met him where he asked me to, at the Old Jaminson Mansion. There were candles lit everywhere, and he was sitting perfectly still in the middle of it. As I walked closer, I knew, I could feel like something wasn't right. But I didn't trust myself! I should have trusted myself!" Xander screamed, clutching the soft fabric of Remus' shirt. He buried his face in the juncture of Remus' necks, his salty tears soaking the soft wool.

"Shh…it's okay Xander. He won't hurt you here…" Remus crooned, his face rubbing against Xander's chocolate locks. Xander pushed closer, his arms wrapped tightly around Remus' neck.

"He raped me…took me right there on the floor," Xander explained, his words muffled by Remus' clothing.

"It hurt…so bad…I couldn't think or breathe…and all I could think of was someone, please save me. And someone did. I was crying and screaming so hard I didn't hear the scuffle, but the weight was off me and dust was in my eyes. Angel was there then, holding me and letting me cry. He saved me…killed his own Childe for me…when no one else thought to…"

Remus closed his eyes, the smell or tears and pain overwhelming his system. He would have to thank the vamp when he saw him next, for helping his boy.

'My boy…mine…'

"But he's not here now…no one can save me from being alone…" Xander cried, pushing away from the man beneath him. He stood, running towards the door, but Remus was quicker. He caught him; holding the squirming body close to his heart.

"I'm sorry Xander, for doing what I did. But when I thought that that vampire was with you, taking what was mine-"

"Yours?"

The werewolf glanced down into glistening brown eyes full of hope. His boy shifted closer, leaning into his warm touch as Remus brought his hand up to cup his face.

"Mine," Remus growled quietly as he leaned down. Xander shivered slightly at the warm breath against his lips.

"Yours…" Xander whispered again, licking his lips before they were occupied with other things.

…TBC…

ducks flying objects DON'T KILL ME! I had to make Spike that way to fit into the story! I'M SORRY! I WANT TO LIVE!

But other then that, I hope you liked it! And don't worry; Xander is not going to just give in. At least I hope he doesn't…I have no control over this story any longer! But I will try to manipulate it into letting me do my will…gulp…I hope…

REVIEW PLEASE!

RemusGirl