I swear, I was planning to update RK then this chapter just smacked me in the face. Anyway, enjoy and thanks for reading!


Chapter 4

Sanzo sat quietly and watched the shadows the noon day sun spread across the field. The blades of grass glistened with the moisture seeping into their various nooks and crannies. It was quiet, save for the monkey shuffling his feet behind the priest. Sanzo sucked in a breath as he waited for Goku to get the nerve to start the confrontation. The priest lit a cigarette and savored that first breath as he heard the boy shuffle closer. He should have known he'd have to deal with this shit when he first started.

"Hey, Sanzo." Goku started quietly as he came up behind his Master. The wind was blowing softly and Goku had to scrunch his nose a little at the smell that wafted in. A particularly strong whiff caused Goku to sneeze, but he rubbed his nose slowly to relieve the itch that followed. "Can I ask you somethin'?"

"What is it, monkey?" Sanzo stared quietly out into the field from his spot on the rock. The smell of blood and rot was near overwhelming, but he couldn't pull himself away from the scene. There was something important he was missing, so he sat and replayed what he had seen over and over in his head. A puff of smoke left his lips thoughtfully before he turned down to Goku. "And it better not be something stupid"

"Why'd you do that to Hakkai?" Goku kept his head down and leaned against the boulder Sanzo was perched on. He rubbed at his arms a little while waiting for an answer. He felt cold even if it was hot outside. Goku wondered if it was guilt.

"Do what?" Sanzo knew the answer, but he felt like making Goku say it anyway. It was good for the kid to stand up to him once in a while.

"You know, make Hakkai fight all by himself." The child's voice raised a few notches in his confusion. Sanzo had made Hakkai fight about forty to fifty demons all by himself and he wasn't looking so good afterwards. He had to have been sick or something because after he wiped out the enemy he held his stomach and went running. "We could have helped him. Why didn't you let me and Gojyo fight, too?"

"He didn't need our help."

"That still doesn't explain why you did it. I can take 'em all out by myself too, but I like it when we all fight together. Besides, Hakkai's hurting right now because of it. It just doesn't seem fair."

Sanzo took a very slow drag on his cigarette and released the warm smoke to join the other tendrils still floating above his head. "I wanted to see it for myself."

"See? See what?" Goku looked up to see Sanzo's face. His eyes were looking straight down at Goku, but the slight glaze spoke volumes. The rest of his face was drawn into a hard line, like he had been thinking about something for a while, but didn't act on it.

"Just what was so scary." He drove the stub that remained of his Marlboro into the rock and pushed himself off the rock to hit the ground. He ignored the splatter of blood that splashed up onto his jeans from the collecting puddles. "The way you and the cockroach act, you'd think Hakkai turns into some sort of monster when he transforms. It was obvious you were both freaked by the idea of him fighting."

"Well, what do you expect?" Goku mumbled. "I like Hakkai and stuff, but when I watched him just rip into stuff like that, I'm not sure what to think. I just get a little scared, 'cause Hakkai seems a little wild. Kinda reminds me of what you guys say I'm like when I take my limiter off."

"Please, you weren't paying attention at all to the situation, then." Sanzo rolled his eyes a little and started walking through the corpses. He kicked one for good measure. Hakkai had run off somewhere in this direction earlier. Sanzo had given him enough time to sulk.

"What do you mean?" Goku trotted after Sanzo and resisted the urge to cover his nose. The smell of the field was downright putrid. He envied Sanzo's weak sense of smell at times like these.

"Hakkai wasn't wild, out of control or anything like that." Sanzo paused to look at a clean cut limb lying about five feet from what he assumed was its original body. He turned his head away from the scene to get walking again. "But I will say he was damn efficient about the whole thing."

"Efficient?" Goku blinked and nearly tripped over the severed arm. He grimaced a bit when a nearby limb twitched. "What are you talking about?"

"He knew when to strike, where to cut, and how to do it. He took them down quickly and with the least amount of energy." Sanzo was still marveling at the efforts of his companion. Hakkai was an incredible fighter with his limiters on as it is, and Sanzo hadn't expected such a huge performance boost without them. His boots squished in the grass as he quickened his walk. He was starting to get a bad vibe from the forest Hakkai and the water sprite had disappeared into.

"Then how come he made such a mess?"

"I never said he was clean about it. Just efficient."

"Oh." Goku quieted a bit and sped up to match Sanzo's pace. The man's brows had grown closer together in worry, and that in turn worried Goku. "Are we going to go find him and Gojyo, now?"

"Yeah, I have this feeling leaving them alone is a bad idea right now."

"You sure? Hakkai and Gojyo are really good friends." The monkey king made himself ignore the slight doubt creeping into his system.

"I just hope that's enough."

"Enough for what?"

"To keep them from killing each other." Sanzo sighed. "People do stupid things when they're angry."

"Is Gojyo angry at Hakkai?"

"I doubt its Hakkai he's angry with." The priest kept walking. "But if he keeps pushing like I think he is, than Hakkai's going to be pretty pissed at him."

"Hakkai can get pretty scary when he's angry." Goku swallowed a little. Maybe finding Gojyo was a really good idea. That way they could stop it if Hakkai did something on accident.

"Tell me about it." Sanzo just hoped he didn't make things worse than they already were. So he quickened his pace.


"Hakkai?" Gojyo started slowly as he caught up with his friend. He had chased his roommate for near an hour by the time he had caught up. The said man, demon, whatever he was, had his knees and hands in the dirt as he vomited. Hakkai's breathing was heavy and he was making little noises in his throat. Gojyo took a deep breath before he got any closer.

"Go away, Gojyo."

"Hey, don't be like that. I'm worried about you." Despite the worry in his voice, he stopped walking anyway.

"Go, away. Gojyo." Hakkai's mouth tasted like vomit and blood. He smeared the last bits of the vile from his lips only to smear blood and dirt in it's place from his claws. "Now."

"Hakkai." Gojyo watched as Hakkai shook slightly and sat back on his haunches. It was clear he was trying to get control of himself and for the first time in a long time, Gojyo found himself hating Sanzo. "I'm sorry."

"Don't start, Gojyo." Hakkai held his aching head and willed it to stop pounding. Now that the adrenaline had died he was left with the crash. All he wanted was to be by himself and far away from anything that had blood in their veins. And quiet, lots of quiet. "Just, please leave me alone."

"I can't do that!" Gojyo took a few brave steps to get closer to his friend. Hakkai's form became strangely still and the half-breed gathered his courage. He hated fighting with Hakkai. He almost always lost. "I'm worried and I screwed up. I'm sorry."

"What are you sorry for?" Hakkai laughed and his shoulders shook. It seems he could always find competition for self-loathing in this little group of theirs. "You didn't do anything."

"Exactly." Gojyo let his hair cover his face in an attempt to hide from the man. Even if he had his back turned to Gojyo, the man still knew what those accusing eyes looked like. "I just sat there and let Sanzo get away with that. I should have helped you, shouldn't have let you fight all of them by yourself."

"If I remember correctly, Sanzo had a gun to your head at the time and told you to back off." Hakkai smirked and leaned his head slightly to watch Gojyo squirm. Sanzo had been very specific about the fight earlier. Hakkai would handle it all by himself and that was that. Hakkai wondered if Sanzo knew just what he was inviting onto everyone by letting Hakkai find himself this way. "He would have shot you, and then Sanzo really would have a problem on his hands."

"Still not an excuse." Gojyo cursed the monk with every fiber of his being for this situation. It was all his fault. "Damn bastard had no right to do this to you."

"I'm not upset because he made me fight them by myself, Gojyo." Hakkai pushed off from the ground and walked over to lean against a tree. He just wanted to go to sleep and forget today had even happened. "So don't blame Sanzo for this. He merely gave me, well, a chance to relieve some stress. Nothing more."

"You can't seriously believe that." Gojyo struggled to keep his voice from rising, but failed miserably. "He's just playing with you! You're a person and you can make your own decisions. What right does he have to turn you into his own guard dog?"

"Gojyo." Hakkai spoke slowly and bore his gaze into Gojyo's eyes. "For the last time, I'm not angry with Sanzo. So please stop talking like that. It's odd, but I do believe he's acting in my best interest."

"Best interest my ass! He's doing this out of selfishness." The water sprite slammed a fist into a tree and winced when little drops of blood rolled down his knuckles. The chips of bark fluttered down to the ground and he strained his eyes to stare at them. It was hard to look at Hakkai with that smirk on his face. "Damn it! You should be pissed at him!"

"He hasn't done anything wrong."

"Are you listening to yourself? You're my best friend, he hurt you and you're not even admitting that he did!"

"What exactly did he do to hurt me?" Hakkai rubbed his forehead into the bark of the tree. The smell and feel of Gojyo's blood pressure rising was making its way over on the breeze and it caused the knot in Hakkai's stomach to tighten. It was a good sensation.

Gojyo paused in midst of an angry breath. What was he going to say to that? If Gojyo mentioned the limiters it would be like admitting he was mad about Hakkai being a demon. If it was about fighting alone, he'd be diminishing his friends skills. When it really came down to it, Hakkai took them all out without so much of a sweat. So that wouldn't work either. The reaction he was seeing now, and what was hurting his friend was an emotional thing. And that brought him straight back to the limiters. Gojyo was disgusted with himself for getting trapped in this damned circle. That monk knew what he was doing when he set this up. "I'm not sure, but whatever he broke, I hate him for it."

"Nothing is broken." Hakkai rolled on his shoulder to put his back to the tree. The rough bark felt good scratching up and down his shoulder blades. "The only thing I can accuse Sanzo of is making me admit things to myself. Which, is what he really wanted from this whole nightmare in the first place when I think about it."

"So you're saying that this is what he wanted? For you to be miserable. Is that what you're saying? God, I hate seeing you like this." Gojyo walked over to stand in front of his friend. Hakkai's hair was covering his own eyes, and no one was more familiar with that trick than Gojyo.

"You've said that before, Gojyo." Hakkai sighed and watched a leaf blow by his feet. It was red. "And for the last time, I'm not upset because of anything Sanzo's done, well not directly anyway."

"Then what?" Gojyo was close to pleading. Hakkai was calmer now, he shouldn't have any qualms about talking about this with his friends.

"I loved every minute of it, you know."

Gojyo swallowed. Hakkai's tone was much too serious. Gojyo knew what Hakkai was referring to, but he still held onto the hope he was talking about something else. "Loved every minute of what?"

"Ripping those demons apart." Hakkai felt a slight smirk pull at his lips. "I relished the blood that splattered, it tasted sweet. The cracking sound from the limbs I disconnected gave a surge to my system that pushed me forward. Why do you think I was vomiting? I was disgusted by my own desire for blood. I wanted it out of my system before I did something to try and get more. If you hadn't noticed, the only ones left were you, Goku and Sanzo."

"Shit, man." Gojyo could feel his eyes widen in proportion to Hakkai's smile. This was minus wave bull Hakkai was talking about. Sanzo would have never taken the limiters if he thought Hakkai would be affected by the minus wave, would he? "Are you going to be okay?"

"That's why I didn't want to tell you, Gojyo." Hakkai jerked his head to the side. He wanted this conversation to be over. "I knew you wouldn't understand."

"I understand that something's getting to you and it has a lot to do with Sanzo taking your limiters." Gojyo frowned. Sanzo had to have known something like this was going to happen. He probably knew damn well what was going to happen. "It's almost like he wants you to be a killer again."

"Maybe, who knows." Hakkai rolled his head as the pounding softened. The demon disregarded the fact that his recent satisfied bloodlust coincided with the diminished headache. Merely a coincidence. "I don't really care right now."

"Well I do." Gojyo turned his back to Hakkai. He couldn't stand looking at that broken face. "And this is wrong."

"Just leave it, Gojyo."

"I can't just do that!"

"Hakkai!"

Both Gojyo and Hakkai turned when the new voice interrupted the start of their fight. Goku was waving his hand and running up to the pair with a large smile on his face. Hakkai relaxed his stance slightly and took a step away from Gojyo. Gojyo merely huffed and groped for a cigarette.

"I'm so glad you're okay! I was worried when you ran off like that." Goku waited for his breathing to even out a little and he listened for Sanzo to walk up behind him. "I woulda' chased after you too, but I didn't want to leave Sanzo by himself."

"Would have served the bastard right if something happened to him, if you ask me." Gojyo clicked the flint on his lighter viciously.

"Well, no one asked you." Sanzo snarled as he took in the picture before him. If he was to guess, Sanzo could agree he had shown up at just the right moment before things exploded. "You done sulking yet, Hakkai?"

"I think I've still got a few minutes in me." Hakkai's nose twitched as Sanzo drew closer. The man had demon blood all over his pant legs and boots. The smell was nauseating mixed with the distinct smell of life Sanzo brought with him.

"Funny." Sanzo rolled his eyes and ran a hand through his hair to get it out of his face. "We've had enough of a set back, let's get moving."

"Aren't you even going to give him a chance to clean up, o' holy one?" Gojyo smirked. It would be like Sanzo to be that careless. Or maybe he just didn't care.

At that statement, Sanzo turned back to look at Hakkai and realized the man was in fact covered from head to foot in blood and dirt. Funny how he had missed that. "Fine, clean up, then let's get the hell out of here."

Goku had kept quiet during this conversation. He wasn't exactly sure how he fit into things, but he knew he wanted to make Hakkai feel better and not act so weird around everyone. "Hey, Hakkai! I think I saw a river when we were chasing up here. Let's go there!"

"Alright, Goku." Hakkai sighed and followed Goku, making sure to glare at Sanzo as he passed. The demon briefly wondered if Sanzo actually knew what he was doing, or if it really was just a cruel game. "We'll be off then."

Sanzo could feel Gojyo's eyes burning into his back as he watched Hakkai and the monkey disappear into the bushes. He should have known this was coming. "If you have something to say, then say it."

"What exactly are you trying to get out of this?" Gojyo growled.

"Nothing."

"Priests shouldn't lie."

"I'm not a very good priest, now am I?"

"If Hakkai doesn't turn out okay by the end of this shit you've started, then you're going to regret it." Gojyo growled. "You got that?"

"You're over reacting. Now calm down."

"Hakkai's hurting and I'm overreacting!" Gojyo shouted. "Do you even see what you're doing to him?"

"He's stronger than this, and this is what he wants. He just won't admit it just yet."

"And how can you know, just what it is, Hakkai wants?"

"Hakkai will be fine." Sanzo smirked and turned to face the water sprite. "I thought you were his friend. Where's the faith?"

"Bastard." With that final expletive, Gojyo turned and walked away from the blonde. Any more time in his presence right now and he'd summon his blade on his ass. Stupid arrogant excuse of a priest.

"Don't be late."

"Shut up!"


"Hakkai, did Sanzo tell you why he did this?" Goku mumbled as he watched Hakkai attempt to drown himself in the cold water. The blood had long been washed off, but Goku could still smell it from where he was sitting, so he just assumed Hakkai could too.

"He told me I needed to get over myself, if you really want to know."

Goku scrunched his eyebrows a little bit processing that statement. It sounded like something Sanzo would say, but what exactly is it that Hakkai needed to 'get over?' "What exactly does that mean?"

"He thinks I'm too focused on something that's not important, and I need to get over it." Hakkai felt good as the freezing water cooled the blood in his own veins. Made him calm and it diminished the smell.

"Oh." Goku held his knees to his chest for a bit before standing up. Hakkai sounded like he was leaving something important out of this conversation. "Are you okay, Hakkai?"

"Yes, Goku. I'm fine."

"You sure you're not just lying to me?" Goku walked over to the water's edge to get a good look at the demon's face. "You know I hate secrets."

"If you're worried about Sanzo, don't be." Hakkai smiled at the boy's shocked face. It seemed Sanzo wasn't the only one who could tell what a person was thinking. He should have known Goku would have ulterior motives, even if he was genially concerned about Hakkai as well. "I'm not going to hurt him or go crazy."

"I'm not worried about that, so much anymore." Goku smiled softly at the reassurance. "Sanzo said the same thing."

"Then what's bothering you?"

"The way everyone's fighting with each other. I know we do this all the time, but it's different somehow this time. There's something underneath it all and I don't like it."

"I think we all feel that way, Goku." Hakkai pulled himself from the water and laid a hand on Goku's shoulder, careful to keep the claws from digging into the fabric of the boy's cape. "It'll all work out, you'll see."

"Yeah," Goku sighed. "But, do you feel any better now that you're clean?"

"Yes, now let's be off before Sanzo throws a fit and kills Gojyo."

"Yeah, we don't need that, do we?" Goku smiled. "Then who would I fight with over the last pot sticker?"

"That would be a predicament. I'm going to get my things, go on ahead."

As Goku waved and skipped back towards their companions, Hakkai took a look at himself in the water. The demon's face that stared back at him wasn't so frightening anymore. Now that he'd been used to it for a little while, it was almost a normal sight. However, he couldn't help but wonder what other people saw when they laid their eyes on his face. Hakkai pulled his shirt over his head and kicked a rock into the water to ripple his reflection. He wondered how he could possibly look at himself in a mirror again once the limiters were back in place. His lie would be even more obvious to himself than it was before.

"DEMON!"

Hakkai's head shot up as he heard the shriek from the other side of the river. A girl, maybe in her twenties, had dropped her basket and was pointing at him. Her eyes were the size of saucer plates and he could tell her breathing had become erratic with fear. Hakkai felt a stab in his gut as he watched her terror filled complexion. He watched her scramble to grab her things and bolt in the opposite direction. The demon wasn't quite sure how that made him feel, people had been scared of him before, but not with such a violent reaction. Not for a very long time.

The logical part of his brain told him to leave before she came back with friends to make sure he wasn't a threat. The other half was just confused about what to do. Either way, Hakkai found himself shuffling slowly back to camp. The girl hadn't said anything that wasn't true. And that's what hurt the most.