Disclaimer: Certain parts of this fic are adapted from its predecessor, A Kiss Before Dying. In the meantime, Joss Whedon created Buffy, and I ain't him.
X X X X X
I thought about my date with Kennedy, and the investigation I'd be going through tomorrow, until I fell asleep.
The date had been fun.
Tomorrow might not be.
I wasn't, you know, necessarily bound by what she said; but I wanted to know, wanted to be sure, that there wasn't anything in me that would lead to what had made Willow use the memory charm on me, and not tell us all the consequences of the spell that brought Buffy back.
I didn't feel different.
But I couldn't be sure.
As for Kennedy:
Well, she'd earned herself that second date. The restraint she was showing, and continued to show, amazed and astonished me.
And it was very flattering.
I didn't feel a spark yet.
But I was going to give her every chance to ignite it.
X X X X X
I dreamed of Willow when I fell asleep.
We were sitting in my dorm room, in Sunnydale, studying a magic book on the bed, with a young Miss Kitty Fantastico playing at our feet.
The first hint I had that I was in a dream was when I looked down at the book and saw that none of the words made sense, and they were all swirling together and trying to crawl up my arm.
Willow jerked my hand back. "Bad idea," she said. "This book, not of the good."
"Then why are we studying it?"
"You have to know what you aren't, to know what you are."
I blinked. "Okay, sweetie, you're coming off less like, like Willow, and more like Yoda."
She grinned. "Yeah. Sorry about that. There are rules about these things that even I have to follow."
"So I'm really talking to you?"
"You really are," she said. "Now look at your arm."
The words from the book -- black, dark, evil -- were trying to come up my arm, but something was stopping them. "You?"
"I have no power here," Willow said. "Not anymore. That's something in you doing that." When I was confused, she said, "Look closer."
There was a face in the book -- a face I'd seen somewhere before, though I couldn't remember where. "Take it," the face said. "Take the power. You want to."
I jerked my hand away. "I, I really don't think I do," and put the book on the edge of the bed, away from both of us. Then I turned to face Willow. "So. How've you been?"
"Dead. You?"
"Red-haired."
"Oh." Then she laughed. "I didn't think that was going to happen. I won't be offended if you dye it back."
"I wouldn't dream of it," I said. "So, is, is there anything you can tell me?"
"I love you."
"And I love you too. But I was thinking, you know, more useful, less sentimental."
"I have to be cryptic on most of the useful stuff," she said. "I can tell you that you're about as dark as a polar bear, though. And this Kennedy chick?"
"Yes?" I asked, a bit nervously.
"Not bad. A bit aggressive for my taste, but I think she grew up in an awful hurry this last year. And now she has something to work for that the big old push push push isn't going to help. I think maybe she might be worthy of you."
"You don't mind?"
"Mind?" she said. "Sweetie, I'm no longer around to mind. I'll always be here, but you need to stop worrying so much about what I would want you to do, and start doing what you would want to do. I'm not coming back. And this place? Not of the horrible, but I don't want you joining me here anytime soon."
"No plans."
"Good. Now for the cryptic stuff, and boy do I wish Angel were here, because he made this look easy. And kind of sexy. That stuff with the book earlier? That was a warning. I can't tell you of what. Also: Someone's going to be coming to visit you in a couple of days. Try to make them welcome."
"Can you tell me who?" She gave me a steady look. "I'm taking it that that's a no?"
"Yeppers," she said. "Sorry."
"Worth a try."
She leaned forward and gave me a quick kiss on the lips. "Yes, it was. And now --" she snapped her fingers.
And I woke up.
X X X X X
I mentioned the dream to Giles the next morning. "Ah," he said. "You too."
"Me too?"
"You are the third individual whom I have talked to this morning who dreamed of Willow. Tell me, were you warned of a threat of some sort?"
"Yes. It seemed to be to me. And a visitor, as well. And, and I don't think they were the same person."
"Odd," he said. "That's the first --" the phone rang. "Hello -- hold on a moment." He turned to me. "Tara? I need to take this privately."
"I understand," I said, and left.
I dashed through breakfast the next morning -- whoever else had had the dream, either I didn't sit with them or they weren't talking -- and ran back upstairs to change.
The witch was due at 10 AM.
By five past, no one had come and I was beginning to worry -- until a gray-haired woman who looked to be a fit fifty came running in. She called out a bit breathlessly, "Tara MacLay?"
"Yes?" I said.
She started walking over. "I'm Kate Gardner. I'm your witch."
Before she could get to me, though, Faith intercepted her. "You say you're a witch?"
"Not in public," Ms. Gardner said. "I don't want people to think I'm crazy."
"Still, I think I speak for all of us when I say, show us the proof."
"Proof?"
"Proof."
"Look down."
As Faith was now floating three feet in the air, this was all the proof she needed. "Okay," she said. "You're a witch. Good enough for me."
"And," came a voice from behind us, "If you'd waited for me I could have confirmed it. Ms. Gardner is indeed the witch we've been waiting for. I apologize for any inconvenience --"
Ms. Gardner laughed. "Inconvenience, hell. I can't blame you folks for being protective given the shit you've been through I resisted the temptation to simply Truthseek the woman. I'd promised to hold back from using my powers, and anyone the head of the most powerful witch coven in England recommended would almost certainly have enough magick to tell if I was reading her. "So, now that everyone's satisfied, we can get to work any time you're ready," Ms. Gardner went on.
"That, that would be now."
"Good. Pick any empty room here and we can get going."
Kennedy peeled away from the other Slayers and followed us up the stairs. "Why are you following us?" Ms. Gardner said.
"I'm going to make sure no one bugs you," she said. I didn't need to read her aura to tell she was lying, but Kate Gardner either didn't notice or didn't care.
"Fine," she said. "But don't come in, no matter what you hear."
Kennedy didn't say anything. I said, "So you're planning to torture me?"
Ms. Gardner said, "Not literally. But the investigation might hurt a bit, mentally speaking. For what it's worth, I'm sorry for that. But to do what's got to be done, I have no choice."
We closed the door. "So," I said. "Do, do you want me to -- aaah!"
She had her hand on the back of my head.
"Now," she said. "Show me your darkness."
X X X X X
We journeyed through a succession of scenes from my childhood. My father, my brother, abusing me verbally, constantly belittling me, telling me I was evil and worthless.
Quit struggling, a voice from inside me said. This is the only way to gauge your darkness.
It all culminated in a replay of the scene at the Magic Box where my "blood kin" had tried to drag me back --and where everyone had backed me up.
Only this time, no one did.
"We certainly can't trust her anymore," Buffy said.
"Sorry, sweetie," Willow said.
I looked at each of their faces in turn, but saw only disappointment, not the love and support I'd gotten the first time around.
I closed my eyes and said, "I'm not going."
"As the song goes," Buffy said, "You can't stay here."
"Donny," my father said. "Bring her."
I turned and ran.
The replay ended, thank the Goddess, and I heard her voice in my head again. That didn't work. Time to work at it a bit more.
We flashed to the time in the hospital -- when I'd finally asked Anya for my vengeance wish. "Ph god. Please. No," he said. "Don't let her do it . . ."
I said, "It's, it's a complicated one. Please wait until I'm done." Anya nodded.
"I wish . . . I wish that Warren Mears would feel a thousand tiny pinpricks over each square inch of his body, cycling, for a period of several hours." This wasn't the wish I'd made. "Then I wish that the pain would grow more and more intense -- but that he never once be allowed to scream out in pain. Finally, I wish that all of the skin on his body would get peeled off, slowly, inch by inch, and only when every bit is gone that he be allowed to pass out." I stopped and added. "I want him to suffer."
Anya smiled grimly. "Done."
And as Warren started screaming, I said, "No. It didn't happen this way."
Part of you wanted it to.
"Part is not all."
A mental sigh, then: Time for the big finish, I guess.
I was back in the master bedroom at 1630 Revello Drive.
Willow said, "Whoo! I always said you had me going around in circles, but --"
I tried to move, tried to change things, even knowing how unreal this all was.
I couldn't.
The window shattered.
Blood splattered over the front of my shirt.
"This -- is -- ridicul--" Willow said, then fell to the floor.
And now things changed.
I suddenly began to feel rage.
Murderous rage.
I wanted to kill the person who'd done this to Willow. I wanted to murder them with my bare hands.
I wanted them dead. Painfully.
And I wanted to do it myself.
Give in to the darkness, the voice said.
It was tempting --
My dream.
This was the meaning of my dream.
This wasn't my darkness.
I concentrated and forced it away. Forced the feelings away.
Back to what they'd been:
Justice.
Not vengeance.
This was no test at all.
No, it isn't.
It was time to test my powers. I concentrated --
X X X X X
And found myself back in the hotel room with Kate Gardner's hands no longer touching my head.
I whirled around and saw a grinning young woman with dark reddish-brown hair. I recognized her from somewhere.
With a slight air of insanity, she said, "You're good."
"In more ways than one," I said.
"You really don't have any darkness in you. Or not enough that I could tempt you." She shrugged. "Guess I'll have to do this the hard way. That should be more fun, anyway."
"Sorry to, to disappoint you," I said. "Who the hell are you?"
She said, "You mean Willow never told you of the fun times we had after you dumped her?"
Holy goddess.
This was Amy Madison.
