Chapter 3: The Land Down Under (Hermione's Warm Nubile Body)
So! Hermione, after sustaining several injuries, raping several peoples, and spawning several half-human fish, decided to take a well-deserved vacation to the Land Down Over, where, you know, grizzlies hop wild and kangaroos don't exist 'cause they suck (seriously).
Unfortunately for her, she needed a medical exam to board a plane (before her obsession with sexual assault came, her Apparation instructor had asked her to sleep with her and she had refused…sad, confused child…). So she went to see (/rape) a doctor.
"Doc! I have this cancerous spot on me!" she said upon the entry of a short, fat, bald, ugly, stupid, slobbering, smelly and shockingly appealing man. She promptly stripped naked and then showed him the back of her hand, which indeed had a large tumor growing on it.
"Oh, don't worry about a little thing like that," he scoffed. "I eat little Cholangiocellular adenomas like that for breakfast! Seriously," he added, and promptly bit the whole lump right off her and swallowed it in one gulp, licking his thin lips and then the massive mole which grew just inside his nose.
"You could have shared!" glawped Hermione. "Nastly little molecular phylogenetic, just rape me and let me go." (A/N that's a fungus, and that little cholan-whatsit up there…somewhere…is a type of benign tumor. A/N I've always wanted to do an A/N. A/N I just figured out that A/N stood for "Author's Note". A/N, I'm not actually retarded, but yes I am quite weird)
The doctor complied and then called in some colleagues and they all fooled around with her, calling her stuff like "Renal cell carinoma" and "Fibrosarcoma" and "Poo-poo head". After a while Hermione got bored and wandered out, leaving them to rape each other, which they did with considerable enthusiasm.
Anyways! Hermione went to the airplane terminal (any one in London) and traded (forced) sexual favors for a ticket, as her medical records still weren't in order, due to previously mentioned disruptive rapes (and also maybe the fact that she had HPV, Herpes simplex, KSHV, chlamidia, syphilis, ghonnorea, chancroid, and donovanosis, plus a very dirty scalp).
She spent the plane ride hiding inside the toilet in the men's wahsroom and raping whoever came in.
Then, at long last, she reached Pakistan! She was really quite sad that she wasn't in Australia, as she wanted to rape some marsupials, but got over it quickly once she realized that Pakis often shower communally. (A/N, dunno if they actually do, and I'm seriously not racist, one of my best friends is Albanian.)
So she had a great deal of fun with that—for a while—but since half the fun in rapes came in removing peoples' clothes, she quickly grew depressed and hithced a ride with an ostrich towards AMERICA, where there's a huge drug trade in anti-depressants, as well as horny older men. Hermione was very hot for older men, horny or not.
While travelling with the ostrich (whose name was Maurice, and who was a capital fellow, if not quite as interested in rapes as his passenger was) Hermione read Franklyn Rapes his Teacher, which is really and excellent book, with many fantastic pictures (full-color, too, a bonus).
Then, finally, at length, finally, at length, at long last, finally, she came to the Squabbling States of America, which I guess does have Jon Stewart, so it can't be that that bad, and it does have lots of honry old men, which really makes it kind of excellent, and which currently features Harry Potter on tour with his new boyfriend, a strange pale man who may or may not (or may) be Voldemort!!!!!!
Dude guys!!! So this is a co-owned account, I write some stories and my partner writes some, but he really hasn't been doing much lately, so I've been turning out short, crappy stories to compensate (although the short, crappy weird Chat thing was both of ours).
That story had no point but I'm too lazy to delete it. Ah well. IF YOU'RE SPEEDREADING SKIP THE ABOVE BOLDED TEXT AND JUST JUMP TO HER. Actually don't. I really have nothing to add. Except that I'M TOO SEXY FOR MY SHIRT, TOO SEXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXY!!!!!!! (If you don't know that song the devil will eat your babies.)
