Title: Not Done Hurting

Author: Half-Human

Summary: Addison feels content with Derek's behavior but then everything changes. How will Derek react?

Disclaimer: Grey's Anatomy and all its wonderful characters belong to the genius Shonda Rhimes and everyone who's helped put this drama together.

Author's Note: Thanks sooo much for all the reviews! They have really amped me up for writing, which I recently have little time for. I'm graduating in like a month and I have a major case of senioritous (being a major GA fan/Addek-Addict and being lazy are some of the symptoms). This chapter prolongs the tension b/n the infamous couple, so …on with the drama!

-8-8-

Derek woke early the next morning, groggy but immediately aware that his wife was not beside him. He grumbled, ran his hand through his hair and decided to change quickly; he had to be in the OR early that morning. 'She must've been called in,' he thought absentmindedly, heading toward his tiny shower. After showering quickly and stuffing himself with some fruit Addison bought a couple days ago, Derek headed out the door and off to work.

-8-8-

"Dr. Sheperd, you're on time. Great," Bailey said, rolling her eyes and quickly brushingby Derek. Her energy and sense of authority encouraged Derek to wake up. He quickly made his way to his locker room, yawning and thinking about how he really needed a juju. He looked at his watch; he only had twenty minutes before O'Malley prepped his patient. 'Damn…' he thought, thinking whether he should go and get one or not. "Ah, what the hell," he whispered, heading out of the locker room. He didn't want to operate on someone, half asleep, and so he began a brisk jog to the elevator.

"Slow down Shepherd," warned a familiar voice. 'Caught,' Derek thought bitterly, as he turned around and saw the chief of surgery walk up to him. He knew he was going to get it; he could already hear Dr. Webber's words. He was going to tell him that they were in a hospital, that he shouldn't be running, that according to the board he was due in surgery in less than 20…no 15 minutes. Derek grimaced as the chief stopped before him.

"So, what's going on?"Dr. Webberasked. Derek studied the older man's face. Instead of irritation, he saw an expression of curiosity and concern. 'Strange…,' Derek thought, 'reverse psychology?'

"Well, Dr. Webber I was just so tired and I really wanted to grab a morning cup of-"

"No, about your transfer. I was completely devastated when I received Addison's letter. I finally thought I had the famous Shepherd pair under my belt at Seattle Grace…and then you decide to depart so-"

"What? Excuse me?" Derek was completely lost. What was Dr. Webber talking about? The last he knew, he was a permanent surgeon at Seattle Grace. "What are you talking about?" Derek finally asked, shaking his head slightly, hoping his drowsiness wasn't really affecting him. Dr. Webber looked at him, confusion etched on his face.

"The letter. This morning I received one from…Addison." The chief stared at Derek when the realization dawned on him that Derek knew of no such letter. Derek just looked dumbfounded, but Dr. Webber had no choice but to continue the conversation. "Addison wrote me a letter. She's heading back to New York." That was all Richard could manage to say, he didn't want to get too involved. He turned around, walked a few steps, but guilt wouldn't let him leave the scene. He returned to the still-stunned surgeon and put a hand on his shoulder. "Go talk to her," he offered.

-8-8-

Addison sighed as she looked at her report. '42 year-old mother of two expecting twins, gestational diabetes, high blood pressure, already a mother of two…' she thought solemnly as she contemplated the various complications that faced her latest patient. She stared at the report and weighed out her options. It was already well into the afternoon and she had gone the whole day without running into Derek. 'Figures,' she thought, 'he's probably daydreaming of his little intern.' Addison had skipped her lunch, deciding earlier that day that she would devote herself wholly to her two remaining prenatal cases. She hoped to get out of Seattle as soon as possible.

Her drive to the hospital that morning proved to be quite therapeutic. While reviewing her patient's stats, her mind drifted back to that morning. As she stared at the road before her that morning, realizing that she shouldn't be hurt or ashamed. 'It isn't my fault that he can't communicate with me. I messed up but I did it because he was never there. Never …I've lowered myself much too much for this man, and I can't let this continue. I am Addison Forbes Montgomery, a talented successful wom-'

"Dr. Shepherd," Addison was pulled from her reverie. "The tests you ordered are back. Need anything else, because I was thinking…?"

"No. Its fine," she spat. It was difficult to remain calm when her intern Karev was a constant annoyance. All she knew was that she wanted to put her all into her last two cases. She wanted as little contact with Derek as possible, and be on her way to New York once she settled things with Richard, his wife, and Izzy. Out of all the interns, Addison saw Izzy as someone who could easily become as skilled as her. She wanted to keep in touch with her. 'New York City would do Izzy good...' she thought before she walked over to her patient. Having examined the tests results, she had come up with a proposal for her 42 year-old mother of two.

-8-8-

Derek was utterly confused. Hadn't he given her what she wanted yesterday? 'Goodness, that woman!' he thought furiously. Throughout the day he had critically focused on his patients, only because he was fueled by so much anger. 'How the hell could she just up and leave, especially after last night?' He had been meaning to speak with her but his schedule left no time for it.

"Dr. Shepherd?" interrupted one of his interns.

"What?" he grumbled, as he continued to examine a chart.

"Jones just had another relapse. Dr. Webber said put the surgery on hold. Jones won't be ready for the OR today." Derek stared at the intern. She was one of the quiet ones whose name he always forgot. He sighed, handed the chart he was holding to the young woman, and walked away.

He had a particular person to talk to.

"Thanks," he said to the intern, over his shoulder.

-8-8-

He found her speaking with a patient, holding the other woman's hand and looking intently into her eyes. 'She always had the bedside manner down pat,' Derek thought to himself. He kept staring at Addison, anger and confusion surging within him, along with a touch of admiration at the sight of Addison consoling her patient. He was thoroughly confused--frustrated.

He continued to stare at her until she finally turned her head and just looked at him for a second. He expected her to get up but she simply frowned and turned back to her patient.

He was pissed. He clenched his fists and cursed under his breadth. He waited a couple of minutes, but when he saw that she just kept talking with the woman, he decided to interject. "Excuse me, Dr. Shepherd, I would like to see-"

"Not now, I'm with a patient," she offered, brushing him off. Derek didn't back off.

"Dr. Shepherd," he began once again, "I need to consult with you on the ... details of a difficult situation. Now." He looked at her, his facial expression screaming : "get the hell up, I am not playing." Addison looked at him, raised an eyebrow and began to rise. She parted with her patient and followed Derek out of the small room.

-8-8-

Once Derek entered a vacant patient's room and let Addison in, he slammed the door and took a deep breathe.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" he hissed through clenched teeth. "One day I leave you because you're cheating on me, then you come back and beg for forgiveness, and I forgive you!" Derek was yelling now. "We seemed to be working things out Addison, we really did...and then, I don't know! What exactly happened? All of a sudden, after a great night I find out that you, my wife, are leaving to New York...and find out from my boss! What is going through your head! Have you really gone nuts?" Derek was red from frustration, he put his hands on his head and pushed his hair back out of his face.

Addison remained silent.

"Say something," Derek demanded after a few seconds of silence. "Addison, you want to talk all the time and now that I-"

"Do you love me?" Addison interrupted. The question caught Derek off guard. He shook his head and and responded,

"I chose you Addison, and I chose you for a reason."

"You didn't answer my question," Addison persisted.

"Add-"

"I love you Derek, I truly, honestly do." Addison wanted him to profess his love for her, but she wasn't sure of his answer and she was honestly frightened to hear it. "I wanted you to care about me," she continued, "to care about us. I know I made stupid mistakes, but it was all for you. I flew over to this hellhole, joining your woodcutter-Ranger-Joe-hick-wanna-be life-style just to get your attention, just to do right. I hurt you,and you hurt me tenfold…is that fair?"

"Addison, what the hell are you talking about? All I know is that you've suddenly, out of the blue, hand in some letter. Apparently your leaving, and apparently I did something wrong. How could you plan on leaving without telling me?"

"I don't know, you tell me. Last time I checked, you were the expert in that area."

That did indeed sting, but Derek, having argued with Addison many times before, brushed it off.

"And you the expert in cheating," he offered coolly.

"Derek, you are unbelievable. Really," she shook her head furiously not believing what was happening, wishing it all to just end. "Well apparently I am the expert," she cried, throwing her hands up in surrender, "because never once did I whisper Mark's name when we slept together…goodness I never even thought of him. Only us. You…you could at least refrain from saying her name when we are together…talk about amateur," she cried, sarcastically, trying to control her composure and blinking away pending tears. She felt her cheeks flush.

"What?" Derek was shocked. He hadn't realized what she was talking about, but at that moment, it hit him, like a charged defibrillator to the chest: he had whispered Meredith's name while he wassleeping withAddison. As he replayed the events of last night, he slowly digested what Addison told him.

"That's the least you could do Derek," she continued, lowering her head.

"Wait, Addison, I don't see-"

"You know very well about your little escapades last night Derek!" Derek was going to ask whether they could just discuss the issue, but Addison simply continued. He didn't bother interrupting her, he knew he was in deep. Addison let out a loud sigh, "while I was with you, you were with someone else…I should have known. She began to pace the room; back and forth in front of Derek, head faced down, hands on her waist. "You never stop to think about me. You hurt me, Derek, in more ways than I can possibly tell you. Haven't you ever thought about that?" Her hair had fallen in front of her face, and Derek swore he saw a tear slip down her cheek, but shook the thought out of his mind.

'Addison rarely ever cries,' he thought.

"Addison ... we can work this out," he said, feeling a surge of guilt flood within him, along with tendrils of anger. 'She should have told me, she should have told me...' he thought.

"Save it Derek, its over. I should have opened my eyes sooner." She was beginning to lose her grip, and quickly walked to the door. Suddenly, Derek grabbed her wrist and pulled her toward him.

"Addison, we should talk about this some mo-"

"Get off."

"Addi-" Derek was really ticked now. He actually had a chance to do right.

"Get off Derek, I don't want a lawsuit to deal with, and I am not joking." Derek was shocked with Addison's response and couldn't help but notice that her warm wrist trembled slightly in his grasp. He slowly let go and tried to look into her eyes. She quickly averted his gaze, not wanting him to see her red teary eyes.

"Fine, leave! Just know that I actually tried. I did." He shook his head furiously, "If I knew you'd pull something like this Addison, I whould have never left Meredith! So if you are going to leave, just go! " Derek yelled, feelings of anger, confusion, guilt, and longing raging within him. He didn't want to fight, and as he saw the Addison he knew red, trembling, and clearly distraught, all he wanted to do was wrap his arms around her and get the old Addie back. It did hurt, but he had to voice his feelings; anger wouldn't let him remain silent. He watched Addison walk to the exit, and wondered whether his words were too harsh.

"I hope last night was worth it," Addison spat, slamming the door behind her.

Derek was left in the vacant room, head hung, wondering if he was ready for the upcoming chapter in his life: Life Without Addison--The Second Time Around.

-8-8-

kk, so what did you think? Plz R/R. I was going to jump ahead to the juicy part, but ppl wanted to see reactions of ppl at the hospital. I ended up just adding the conversation b/n Addison and Derek. I KNOW THIS IS PAINFUL TO READ, believe me, i understand. THIS IS AN ADDEK fic :) its angsty. there will be more drama fo' you momma in the coming chaps. :) Please feel free to comment and all. Thanks so much for the previous reviews! And sorry again for the late post.

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ADDEK ALL THE WAY!
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