Title: Not Done Hurting
Author: Half-Human
Summary: Life after the big argument. (ADDEK)
Disclaimer: Grey's Anatomy and all its wonderful characters belong to the genius Shonda Rhimes and everyone who's helped put this drama together.
Author's Note: Thank you for the reviews! Sorry for the late post, I've been trying to work on some other fics. I was also totally devastated by the season-2 finale—it's going to be hard to think of Derek as anything but a jerk. --
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It wasn't bad at first; wasn't bad at all. Addison had flown off to New York and Derek was free. "And Satan has departed," Derek murmured to himself a week after his argument with Addison. He had managed, with some difficulty at first, to completely avoid her after the argument. There were times, he admitted, when he had the urge to go to her and beg forgiveness, but he was disgusted by the thought, and brushed it off. He knew she was gone because wherever he went interns and attendings stared at him as if he had some sort of unidentified rash on his face. Whenever he turned a corner he caught a snip of a hushed conversation. "Montgomery Shepherd left…I heard she was pissed…she was able to get around the contract…must have been serious…maybe she was offered a great position…one of them must've done something…." At first the growing rumors ticked Derek off, why were people so interested in knowing the details of Addison's departure? However, by the end of the day Derek had come to appreciate the rumors because they served to further remind him that Addison was gone and he was free. It wasn't like he was completely ecstatic about her leaving, but why mope around if he had gotten what he wanted. It was what he wanted, wasn't it?
Derek, quashing all feelings of insecurities, checked the board and his charts. His next case seemed rather routine: Thomas Hash, 38, brain tumor around the hypothalamus, considering surgery. Derek quickly contemplated which tests to run on his patient as his eyes skimmed his sheet and he noticed which intern was assigned to him: Dr. Grey, Meredith.
Derek suddenly felt a small surge of hope rise within him. He couldn't help but think back to his last encounter with Meredith as he recalled the pangs of jealousy he felt when he found her half-dressed at his vet's house. The memory quickly led him to the events of Addison and his argument. This prompted feelings of guilt, but Derek quickly shook them off. 'No. She's gone,' he thought furiously, forcing himself to stop thinking about the redhead who had been part of his life for more than a decade. "Gone," he finally whispered, hoping that voicing his thoughts would help control his feelings and settle his nerves.
"Dr. Shepherd," a soft voice pulled Derek back to reality. It was Meredith. "I'm suppose to work with you today." Derek stared at Meredith, noticing that she had more color to her and that she looked better kept than usual. He liked it. He gave her his classic smile and felt himself go into McDreamy Mode.
"Yes you are," he replied, walking with her to the elevator. He suddenly felt good and relieved. Thoughts of Addison quickly left his mind. 'Now is my chance,' he thought to himself.
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As Derek stepped into the elevator, he held the door for Meredith. Once she walked in he pressed "5" and watched the doors close. A second later, he quickly pushed the emergency stop button.
"Derek?" Meredith questioned curiously. He was standing to her right, facing the doors as she was.
"I've missed you." Derek suddenly whispered. He repeated the same words that she once told him, right there, in that elevator. Meredith sighed, put one hand on her waist, and the other on her forehead.
"Derek-" Meredith stopped as Derek turned and stepped closer to her, his body mere inches away from hers. She quickly placed her hand firmly on his chest and pushed him back. "No," she whispered, slightly flustered.
"No?" Derek asked, his face was wrought with confusion.
"No Derek. I can't. You had your chance and it didn't work out. You chose her and you stuck to your choice. I can't keep-"
"I've changed my mind. I choose you. I chose you Meredith. Listen to me, Addison-"
"Look. I did fall for you Derek, I really did. But …I'm over you." She looked sympathetically at Derek, hoping that she could make him understand. She saw pain in his eyes and had to look away. "I know that Addison, left. I'm sorry."
There was silence.
"Don't be sorry. She's gone, that's a good thing," Derek added, his eyes pleading, hoping that Meredith would listen.
"But think of it" Meredith spoke, "you know, I know, that you still care about Addison…and even if I wasn't totally in love with Fin" her eyes shown with happiness as she mentioned Fin's name, "I still wouldn't go back with you Derek because…because I don't want to be your rebound girl and I know that that is what you want right now. Don't deny yourself Derek, you still care for her-"
"No. Your wrong, I care about you Meredith, we can make things work," Derek was almost pleading now, thoughts, fears, running through his mind. What was Meredith talking about? Why didn't he anticipate this? He began to shake his head, and whisper, "you're wrong Meredith. Can't you see that I want to be with you? Addison isn't in the picture anymore." Meredith looked at him and couldn't help to feel for him. He was miserable.
"Think about it Derek," she repeated softly. "Seriously. Right now you are confused. I do care about you, but as a friend. I …I love Fin. We work. You…you need to work things out. I'm sorry." Meredith felt torn. Ever since meeting Fin she felt safe and wanted and unafraid to tell people about her relationship. She wasn't the other woman and she was happy. Then again, when she looked at Derek she felt a sense of longing, a kind of dark desire.
-But it was at the moment, that very moment as she stared at the dejected man before her, that she discovered the nature of her relationship with Derek: it was all based on the sensation of danger, fantasy, and desire. He was an attending for goodness sake; their relationship from the start always had an edge to it. It thrived on danger. As she looked at the man before her, lost in thought, she realized that she truly couldn't see herself living her life with Derek. He wasn't safe. He was a dangerous fantasy- always meant to be that one-night stand.
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And Derek belonged to another woman. She sighed as she saw that he kept denying himself the truth.
She quickly pushed the emergency button again and waited for the elevator to resume its movement. As it reached its destination and the doors opened, Meredith turned to Derek.
"Dr. Shepherd?" she asked, shaking him from his thoughts, "coming?" It took a few seconds for Derek to respond.
"Yes…Dr. Grey."
Derek had repeated the same words Meredith once told him, right there, in that elevator, and she had responded the same way he had.
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The rest of the day Derek and Meredith were strictly professional. Meredith made sure of it. She always addressed Derek by his title and on breaks she went to hang out with her regular crew. Of course she had to deal with Alex and Izzie, who aside from their personal issues, where arguing about Addison Shepherd.
"How can you be such a jerk Alex? Dr. Montgomery Shepherd was an excellent doctor! She…she had faith in me."
"Whatever, she is gone. I am happy. The Vagina Queen is finally gone…the witch finally flew home."
Meredith narrowed her eyes as she looked at Alex and shook her head. "That's not nice." Alex, George, and even Izzie stared at her as if she had spoken in another language. "What? It wasn't," she said defending herself.
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Please R/R! More to come! I know this chapter was somewhat bland, but there's more. I already have the next chapter in the making, its almost finished; it just needs editing. So, again, please review:p
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ADDEK ADDICT ALL THE WAY! The Vajayjay Queen rocks! Go TEAM ADDIE! …Sometime after watching the season 2-finale I decided to stick with Team Addie…Derek pissed me off big time. --
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