Fucking full lemon, yeah! No pun intended. I have mouths in my hands, watch me. Okay ignore that...but anyway, ye've been warned. graphic, graphic, graphic. if you dont wanna read it, dont, please. thats why they made the little back button at the top of your browser. so if you're not a yaoi fan, dont read it! please dont flame because its lemony. if you dont want it to be lemonny, dont read it. honestly.

but if its getting under your skin because you want to know what happens next since I (sniff) killed off L, go ahead.

As soon as Light opened the door, Mikami pounced on him.

The black-haired boy was overly emotional, crying and whining and moaning as he hugged Light to his chest. Light had been pale and cold and empty ever since L's death. He hadn't imagined it could possibly be this painful to lose his lover. Mikami sniffled into Light's shirt and looked up at him with big black eyes, sympathizing about how horrible it must have been to lose his best friend and his closest lover. Light stared hollowly down at Mikami, who was on the floor, wrapped tightly around his legs, suspiciously interested in Light's lower body. Light tugged his feet out of Mikami's scrabbling grip, obviously repulsed by Mikami's childish behavior. He was such a faker, it wasn't even beginning to be funny.

Mikami growled and stood up, his eyes suddenly serious, his face dark.

"What the hell was that about?" Light asked coldly, unblinking.

"I don't fucking know, Raito," Mikami sighed, staring intensely into Light's face.

"You think acting all cutesy and pretending to care that he's dead?"

Mikami's eyes narrowed a tiny bit, but it was evident he wasn't happy.

"You fucking don't even care about him. I loved him. You don't have any right to talk to me about it."

Mikami's jaw tightened.

"You don't fucking care about him!" Light yelled. He was completely unnerved by the silent response.

"You're right," Mikami said calmly as he leaned in and pressed his lips to Light's, "I don't."

Light melted.

Mikami tasted like Hershey's kisses and strawberry frosting and animal crackers and sweet cream cake filling. He tasted like L had, his lips felt like L's had, his voice even sounded like L's. He was lost in the feeling because he missed L so much. Ryuzaki had meant something to him. As Mikami and Light locked arms around each other and tumbled down the stairs, Light decided he needed someone. Not a rebound, exactly, not a replacement, but someone to temporarily fill the emptiness L had left him with. The problem was, it had been Light who'd killed him. That name. He'd had that dream so many times since it had happened, and no matter what, it felt like the first time that L died every night. Four months had passed, and every night he saw the same thing, felt the same arms, tasted the same kiss. So Mikami suddenly was everything he missed so dearly in L.

No questions crossed his mind as he undid his zipper and slipped out of his red cardigan. It was cardigan weather—cool, crisp, a thin layer of frost on everything inside and out. He was chilled to the bone, but that wasn't it. It wasn't the freezing air that gave him goosebumps as he lay panting next to Mikami on the spare mattress in the basement, licking the last traces of his favorite strawberry frosting off Mikami's chin, staring into those bold dark eyes and seeing someone he loved. Mikami never smiled, never laughed, never blinked. It was always the same, day in and day out, and as the weeks passed with them as ridiculously wrong lovers, he never changed. For some reason Light couldn't place, he liked that. It meant he would never worry about being hurt or cheated on or left behind. With Ryuzaki, he had that constant worry digging at him. But no one could replace L, no way in hell could that happen. But for now, Mikami made a good substitute.

-----

Mello yawned and reached for the ringing phone, checking the blinking digital clock. Four fucking AM. Typical.

"Hey," came a low, sexy whisper. It was Matt. Of course it was Matt.

"Are you smoking?" Mello pouted sarcastically. Matt laughed.

"Ever known me not to be?"

"Your lungs are gonna turn black and shrivel up and fall out," he snorted.

"You're gonna get fat and turn into a chocolate bar."

"I can't turn into a chocolate bar. You could get smoker's lung, though."

"You don't know that you won't turn into a chocolate bar. Don't get too cocky, you never know. I might have to take you out of gold wrapping paper next time I want to screw you."

Mello grumbled.

"Anyway, good morning to you too, Sleeping Beauty," Matt sneered.

"You get up way too fucking early, bitch."

"I thought maybe you'd like to see me?"

"There's nothing to do, asshole," Mello replied, shifting the phone to the other ear as he tugged at his muscle shirt. Obviously unamused, he waited for an answer.

"So, you want to do something?"

"Just a reminder for if you want to live past twenty; don't call before nine. And because you got me up this early, don't call me until noon today. 'Bye." He flipped his cell phone shut before Matt could protest and dove beneath the covers again. Just to be safe, he set it on silent.

-----

Light was up early writing his name over and over in the Death Note. For some reason, he wasn't dying. Disappointed, he closed the book as his name erased itself again and again. Ryuk must've done something to it so he couldn't kill himself after the Ryuzaki incident. It was a good trick to keep him alive, but didn't do much for his mood when he wanted nothing more than to be ten feet underground, tacked into a box and never moving again. It was depressing to not be able to die. For some reason, it only made it worse. If he'd died, it would have been an accomplishment, at least. After all, it was like he wasn't allowed to, which only made him want it more.

Mikami came up behind Light and shoved his lips messily onto his lover's. If you could call Light a lover. Light didn't really love anything, not even the fact that he was alive. He hated that. He was more of a hater than a lover. But it still made him feel a little better to have someone care about him.

He let Mikami get what he wanted. Passion fueled his anger. He leaped on Mikami, tearing his clothes, tears ruining his cold perfect face as his mouth opened wider and wider as they kissed. They never just kissed. One kiss led to another, and the next to another, and eventually a kiss left them shirtless, and after that they were slipping out of jeans and boxers, and soon that first kiss had led them all the way to orgasm. They were gasping and grabbing bare slim shoulders, grinding hips and hooking their legs together at the knees, their bodies twisted and bent into positions that felt so good it didn't matter the discomfort. Mikami was big, he was strong, he was tall and lean and bold. He was like that through every inch of his body, and there was no denying he was powerful.

Mikami ran his finger carefully along Light's cock, bit his thumb open, and sucked on a mix of blood and precum. As creepy and disgusting as this should have been, Light found the kinky face Mikami made to be a huge turn-on. Maybe Mikami knew that, maybe not, but he kept going anyway.

Mikami bit the inside of Light's thigh, who groaned and balled his fist in thick black hair. Light's stomach turned and he doubled over as Mikami bit the end of his cock. A shock spiked up his back, and his head slammed back against the mattress. His entire body tensed as Mikami pulled his whole length into his mouth, sucking on the head. He screamed raggedly, voice ripping the air. It was just too much. The warm wet lips left his cock and dragged tenderly up his chest. As the smiling lips met his, he felt a sudden jab of pain in a place he wasn't ready for. The explosion of pain and pleasure made him twitch and he arched his back up off the bed, moaning loudly into Mikami's neck.

Mikami was inside him, and Light was unprepared as ever.

Light jerked forward against Mikami's mouth again as raw, painful passion and pleasure sharply hid everything else. With a sharp yell, Light felt himself cum, orgasming into the other man, who growled roughly in response, frantically swallowing as much semen as he could. They moved together, not in love but still pretending more than ever that they were, feeling what each of them considered love at the moment. Neither of them could really love now—Light only loved Mikami when he pretended he was L, and Mikami couldn't love Light enough to make him stop thinking about Ryuzaki. They would rather be happy and deceived. They would rather steal lines from other songs to write their own, because they had nothing real to write about. Sometimes pretending was enough, and coming was always enough.

It was better to just assume they were supposed to be the way they were, and never intended to change.