Part 3, Nightmares to Shape a Killer

Whale the Whale finds himself in a large, dark, empty hallway. At the end of the hallway he spots a gopher holding a copy of the book "Catcher in the Rye", screaming, "IT'S A COOKBOOK" to the top of his lungs. Knowing this may be his only option, Whale the Whale runs for the gopher, not stopping once to look back, if only out of fear of the horrors what may be behind him.

Running almost blindly after a deranged gopher, Whale the Whale is confronted by a large floating nipple. The nipple before him claims to be a god, and has the power to summon a horde of rabid Tony Danzas. The nipple then tells Whale the Whale about the good ol' days when a rock was just a rock and not a rock lobster, and when mashed potatoes only cost 49 cents a pound. Fearing for his life, Whale the Whale quietly escapes from the nipple when he isn't looking.

As he heads deeper into the hallway, Whale the Whale discovers that the walls are now windows where obscure music 1337ists relentlessly taunt his taste in music. He tries to ignore it, but the screaming of the 1337ists slowly breaks through to his skull. It doesn't take long before he starts having thoughts about listening to a guy that turns Rascal Flatts' songs into a techno/polka remix.

Just when sanity seems to be breaking its hold on the terrified whale, everything becomes quiet. Whale the Whale looks around to see that he's in a small room with a 14" Panasonic TV. He watches the TV carefully as it turns itself on and starts to play a DVD set of the entire DVD box set of Full House, coming from a 6 disc DVD player feeding the TV from outside the room.

Whale the Whale desperately searches for the remote, only to meet failure in terms of the horrifying truth. This is the TV of the damned; there is no remote. For 50 years this terror continues to haunt this whale's existence, although none of it is in reality. Whale the Whale realizes that he is simply trapped in his own mind, forced to watch John Stamos try to act as a Fonzie figure to the Olsen Twins, demons who share the same soul.

During this period of suffering, Whale the Whale's dreams and ideas are horribly twisted to the point that he no longer knows what he wants. For now his only wish is a quick death to whisk him away from the pain that engulfs him every 8, 7 central on ABC Family. But soon he will wish to spread the pain to the world, and his dream will come true soon enough...

Commentary:I think I'm getting good at this melodramatic angst stuff, now I just need to know if that's a bad thing or not. Oh, and just for the record, the TV having no remote is a reference to an episode of Rocko's Modern Life. I have much love for the Rocko. Anyway, you can expect the next segment when I get really really bored again.