AUTHOR'S NOTES: "Dou natteru no?" – "What's going on?"
This is possibly the most chaotic and anticlimactic chapter of the lot. I meant to post it on SenRu day, but I had another thing for that (which was also a few days late). Anyway, I wouldn't let Sendoh month pass without having another chapter in this fic posted.
I mean to post the last chapter on RuSen day, which would make sense, since this is more of a RuSen after all. I hope I won't be late.
DISCLAIMER: Who says I own Slam Dunk? The expression 'eff' is not really my original too. It comes from 'effing', which I read first from Rowling and the HP series. But I don't read a lot, so I don't know if it came from her.
Dou natteru no?
By Kumagoro Meowzaki
"Good morning!"
/Yes…/ Sendoh thought, a smile making an appearance on his lips. It felt nice and warm on his bed. The sheets were soft, the pillows. He buried his face into the one he was holding ever so tightly in his arms, and it was perfect, just the right warmth, just the right firmness, just the right size for wrapping his ever so tired body around it. He rubbed his cheek against it. So smooth, like baby skin.
Skin?
Bone?
Hair?
/Crap./
His eyes snapped open and what greeted them was a close-up vision of Rukawa's nape. Then, whoosh, it all came to him faster than a flash hangover flash.
"Oh god." He jumped out of the bed as if it was suddenly on fire. His hands automatically landed on his torso—fortunately clothed. Then he checked Rukawa's reaction—nil, sleeping as usual. So far, so good.
So who—
"How was your date?"
Segment by 2.379-inch-straight segment, Sendoh Akira slowly turned his head around 180° Exorcist trick and found his mother standing at the door, smiling her omniscient, motherly smile.
"Nice plush toy you got there," she said, her voice dripping with teasing innuendo. "So that is the famous Rukawa-san. He's so handsome--" she said, moving to enter her son's room. But Sendoh—er, Akira—quickly blocked the door.
"We'll be right down," he said faster than you could say, "We'll be right down" in a panic. Then he flashed his most irresistible smile at his mother.
"Hey, I taught you that!"
Sendoh Akira grinned even wider. So his mother sighed and rolled her eyes and left. "Fifteen minutes!"
"Yes, mom!"
Akira sighed. It had to happen sooner or later. Now to prepare for doom. He glanced worriedly at Rukawa-his-sleeping-plushie and groaned.
/Crap./
Mrs. Sendoh is 37 years old, 172 cm tall, and weighs 57 kilos. In her youth, her ultimate dream was to be a flight attendant, but she landed an office job instead. She enjoys BL movies and arranging the contents of the fridge.
Her husband, Mr. Sendoh, is 39 years old, 187 cm tall and weighs 95 kilos. He wanted be a professional stuntman, but he ended up teaching PE to junior high school kids. He enjoys karaoke and sports.
Mr. Sendoh was shifting in his seat, waiting for his son and their visitor, when his wife walked into the kitchen, smiling her omniscient wifely smile. Mr. Sendoh knew something was up, seeing that look on his wife's face.
"The boys will be down," said Mrs. Sendoh, failing to hide the excitement in her voice. She sat down opposite he husband.
"It's a pity that Rukawa kid is a boy. The way Akira talks about him, he's like a really sexy girl." Mr. Sendoh sighed. "A really sexy girl who's an ace in basketball," he added, a little dreamy.
"I know! Akira doesn't even invite his schoolmates over and Rukawa-san has been here twice already."
Mr. Sendoh appeared to ignore his wife. "Rukawa-san must be a really good basketball player."
"Really handsome boy too."
"Maybe he'll enter the pro-league someday."
"Looks like a model--"
"Or the NBA--"
"Or an actor--"
"Maybe he'll be a PE teacher like me--"
"He could also be in one of those boybands--"
…and so on and so forth, each going on in a separate thread of fantasy ad infinitum, ad nauseam.
How to Effectively Rouse Rukawa Kaede from Sleep
Shout in his ear, which would probably wake him up, but would also earn you a black eye and some.
Use an alarm clock, which he would then use to throw at you once he realizes he doesn't use one. (Sendoh Akira learned this the hard way.)
Poke him with something long, preferably a body part. Then he'd think he's been sexually harassed and have you TRO-ed.
Blow a whistle; he would instantly assume basketball mode and throw a ball (which would magically appear from nowhere) at you.
Throw a snake on the bed or wherever he's sleeping, then wish he'd wake up before the snake bites him. If he does, he will throw the snake at you, so make sure the snake is not poisonous.
Sendoh Akira contemplated which method is most effective, but realized that all of them involved some form of retaliation and pain, and so made deciding a little difficult. Or easy, if you want to just say no to everything.
He—well, they—were still wearing the clothes they wore the night before. The clothes felt rather constricting and hot. Sendoh undid his belt, wondering vaguely if he should hit Rukawa's leg with it.
/Yes. A shower first and then I'll think about how to wake him up./ Sendoh smiled. "Oh well, best to let Snow White Rukawa the Sleeping Beauty--"
Wait.
Sendoh's eyes landed on Rukawa's partly-open lips. As the fairy-tale dream scene flashed in his mind, the gears of the more mischievous corner of his head started to wind. Then an evil grin crept to his lips.
But he realized he was fantasizing about kissing Rukawa and he didn't like the feeling of it. Not especially when he realized that he was seriously considering it. Mental shudder. The gears stopped.
/What the hell is happening to me?/ He groaned, rubbing his throbbing temples. He thre his belt somewhere, exasperated. /Damn hangover./
A shower would be most welcome, he decided finally.
In his half-sleep, he remembered how he had held Sendoh's hand in the dawn. Flash repeat flash, until his head throbbed. Now he could hear Sendoh in the shower. He thought it safe to let his eyes flutter open.
A thought worried him. The feeling of not being alone was nice.
It was nice.
Nice.
Nice.
Flash repeat zoom pan flash.
It worried him because it made life more complicated. It used to be that he only thought about himself, basketball, and America, but if he entertained that stupid feeling, he would have to make room for it and it was not good.
He drew his brows together. Since when had it become like this? Quick flash, he started it. He was the one who thought of all this shit. Complicated thoughts were not designed for him, that's why he chose the simple life.
Riiiiight.
His head throbbed painfully as he recalled how he had instinctively turned from Sendoh and dropped his hand like burning paper when he heard the door click open, thanking the gods for his reflexes.
And the idiot Sendoh just had to hu—
And he was thinking again. Hangover sucks.
He wished he were born a bacteria. Correction: bacterium.
Bacteria don't think about stupid smiles when they play basketball. Bacteria don't think about idiots who can't ride bicycles (in JAPAN, no less). Bacteria don't think about fishing. Bacteria don't think about tutus and cookies. Bacteria don't think about stupid effing kisses (shudder). Bacteria don't think about stupid lemons or cooking. Bacteria don't think about stupid arcade games like DDR. Bacteria don't think about eating damn hotdogs. Bacteria don't think about porn. Bacteria don't think about dancing and getting drunk (and vice versa).
BACTERIA DON'T THINK.
BACTERIA DON'T GET SEXUALLY HARASSED.
BACTERIA DON'T GET REVENGE.
And most importantly,
BACTERIA DON'T GET CONFUSED BECAUSE THEY DON'T FALL IN LOVE.
Wait. Erase.
BACTERIA DON'T GET CONFUSED BECAUSE THEY DON'T THINK THEY FALL IN LOVE.
Bacteria are so damn lucky.
"Would you explain to me exactly what we are doing here?"
Mitsui did not answer, preferring instead to peer into his new hi-tech binoculars. Miyagi sighed.
"Damn. I should have stayed with Kogure and Sakuragi," he said, regretting he had let himself be dragged to an abandoned house which happened to be next to the Sendohs' and which happened to have a marvellous view of Sendoh Akira's bedroom.
"Then you would have missed the most important event in Japanese history," Mitsui said, still watching with his hi-tech binoculars.
"Impossible. It would be when Ayako goes out with me."
Mitsui rolled his eyes from behind his hi-tech binoculars. He was watching Sendoh watching Rukawa sleeping on the bed. Mitsui was alert. According to his calculations, Sendoh would try to wake Rukawa by kissing him. Any moment now…
"Oh my god," he said, passing the hi-tech binoculars to Miyagi.
"What?" Miyagi said puzzled. Mitsui grabbed his hi-tech binoculars.
Sendoh was grinning. "This is it!" Mitsui cried, almost trembling with excitement.
Then Sendoh dropped the grin and walked to the bathroom, which was (un)fortunately, invisible to Mitsui's hi-tech binoculars (which were not hi-tech enough to see through walls).
"What the eff?!" Mitsui cried. He almost threw the hi-tech binoculars in his rage.
Miyagi rolled his eyes. "What's going on?"
"Oh, you're awake now."
"…"
"Want to take a shower? Your clothes from last time are still here."
Rukawa's brow twitched. He stood up. "I'm going home." He made for the door, but Sendoh blocked him.
"No, you can't." Rukawa glared at him, starting to get annoyed. "My parents want to meet you."
"What?!" Rukawa was hurling all sorts of curses at Sendoh in his head, wishing he had telepathy so that Sendoh could hear him because it would be so OOC if he was heard hurling curses.
Sendoh just grinned, blocking the door.
But Rukawa was obstinate. "Just give me my clothes and I'll go."
"No," Sendoh said firmly. He was beginning to get annoyed at Rukawa for being so ungratefully rude. "What's your problem? Can't you at least thank my family for accommodating you and your stupid drunkenness?"
Rukawa was shocked at Sendoh's display of anger. He just stood there, ever so masterful and stubborn and antisocial, refusing to yield to Sendoh. He was just silent, seriously considering the use of violence just to avoid unnecessary social contact.
But, Sendoh, pushed to the limit by Rukawa's behaviour, was the first to use brute force. "That's it." He punched Rukawa's cheek with such force, it sent the Shohoku boy reeling, falling onto the bed. He was about to hit him again, but Rukawa, more experienced in fighting, easily caught his fist and pinned him on the bed. Sendoh braced himself for a blow, but it never came. He looked up at Rukawa, straddling him, fist raised, but still as a rock.
"You're an asshole, Sendoh Akira."
Rukawa climbed off him and quickly strode towards the door and left the room, slamming it shut behind him.
Sendoh's parents were at the foot of the stairs. They looked confused. "Rukawa-san?"
Rukawa bowed hurriedly. "I'm sorry, but I have to leave." He bowed again. "Thank you very much for accommodating me," he said, then left.
Mrs. Sendoh blinked. "What happened?"
"Sendoh's coming out of the bathroom. With clothes, too bad."
"Mitsui, you sound like you have the hots for Sendoh Akira."
"No friggin' way. Besides, that would totally ruin their love story."
"Excuse me, whose love story are we talking about here?"
"Rukawa and Sendoh's."
"What? You're still upholding that stupid theory?"
"It's not stupid. It's perfectly logical. I've thought about it."
"I wish you'd think so hard about your acads as well."
"Look who's talking. Oh wait, what's going on? Sendoh's trying to keep Rukawa in his room? There, Miyagi, is your proof."
"Let me see. Hmmm…you're right. I think he's trying to make Rukawa pay for lodging."
"Pay with his body."
"I don't think so, Sendoh looks mad. Damn, I can't see Rukawa's face. Shit! He hit him!"
"What?"
"Sendoh hit Rukawa! Now Rukawa's sitting on his legs, I think he's gonna hit him back. Oh? What happened? Rukawa's gone chicken?"
"Huh? Give me that. He's not hitting Sendoh. I told you he loves him! What? He's leaving? That's it?"
"Mission failed, Mitsui. Damn you, you dragged me out early in the morning for this? You owe me lunch. For one week."
The first thing Rukawa did upon setting foot in his house was pick up the phone and dial Anzai-sensei's number.
He didn't have to think about the tasks anymore. The challenge was already forfeit. So what if he didn't beat Sendoh? It's not like that idiot was the best player in Japan.
"Moshi moshi."
"Anzai-sensei."
"Ah! Rukawa-kun, how are you?"
"Sensei, I've thought about it. I want to go."
There was silence on the other line. "I thought you had something to take care of. What about school?"
What about it? Rukawa thought. There was nothing to miss. He was the type who slept in class. Nobody would miss him anyway, except the really rabid fangirls, who di not really matter to him.
"It's alright," Rukawa said finally.
"OK. I'll take care of the necessary documents. O-ho-ho-ho!"
Rukawa hung up. He was victorious. Or so he deluded himself. He still was no bacteria (bacterium, whatever).
And he'll never forgive himself for even thinking that he was in love with Sendoh. THERE WAS NO DAMN WAY THAT COULD EVER HAPPEN.
Or so he deluded himself.
"Akira! Open the door this instant!"
Thirty-minutes have passed since Rukawa left his room, but Sendoh did not even budge from where he lay on the bed.
Rukawa was an ingrate, he decided. He blinked.
"Well, damn you too, Rukawa."
"Akira! Answer me! Open the damn door!"
Sendoh was so pissed, he didn't even hear his parents banging on the door. It was so ANBERIBABORU, ala Aida.
He was angry because Rukawa chose to be a damn effing jerk when he could be something else. Someone more bearable. Someone who's not an ingrate.
"Damn you to hell, Rukawa."
Who was he anyway? He's not the only one who has the right to be angry. Damn him for being a bastard. A selfish, ungrateful, egotistical, bastard.
Sendoh hated Rukawa right now. He hated himself too, for indulging Rukawa and his stupid challenge. What was he anyway? He could fly to America for all he cared. Heck, he better go to hell.
It was a pathetic idea. But Sendoh believed it anyway.
And this was not the first time.
Sakuragi retched, releasing yet another round of vomit, curses, and oaths into the toilet.
"Damn you. Kitsune!!!"
Kogure, who was assisting Sakuragi in his vomiting, wondered how it could possibly be Rukawa's fault that Sakuragi was having a hangover right now. He also wondered where Mitsui and Miyagi might be at this hour.
They were lucky they had Mitsui's place to themselves. His parents suddenly decided to take a quick vacation to Okinawa and left sometime last night, thus saving them the effort of explaining.
But now Kogure was playing babysitter to an idiot with a hangover. With both Mitsui and Miyagi gone for unknown reasons, the situation was enough to try his patience.
Sakuragi retched again.
"FUCK YOU TO HELL, MITSUI HISASHI!!!"
Sakuragi blinked in the middle of his vomiting.
"Thanks, Kogure, but no thanks."
Mitsui had arrived, but without Miyagi in tow. Sakuragi resumed being sick. Kogure, far from sighing in relief, aimed a kick at Mitsui's crotch, but missed and hit the bathroom door instead with a loud bang.
Of course, it's quite obvious what happens when a slippered foot makes contact with hard wood.
"And why are you suddenly swearing?"
"I hate you," Kogure seethed, nursing his injured foot. "Where's Miyagi? Where did you go off to? Shit, MY FOOT HURTS LIKE HELL!"
"Stop swearing, maybe it will stop hurting too."
"Fuck off."
"Rukawa is so energetic today, don't you think?"
"Yeah. He was practicing his shots already when I arrived and he's still up!"
"Wow. He's so cool."
Ayako hit the two unnamed freshmen (who paid the author an unnamed amount to get a cameo here) with her All-Purpose Paper Fan. "What are you doing just gawking at Rukawa?! Join the others or you'll be dribbling with Sakuragi!"
So powerful was that name that even before Ayako could say "!", they had already joined the rest of the team in the drills. Said redhead, who was practicing his dribbling at his usual spot, glared grudgingly at their team manager, mumbling semi-curses under his breath. Ayako went back to her rounds.
Kogure was still a little pissed with Mitsui and Miyagi, but he's mostly OK. He practiced passes with them.
"I hate to say this, but Mitsui makes sense."
"What, you too, Kogure? I wish you were still mad at Mitsui."
"Well, what can I say? I'm so smart and cool and tall--"
"Shut up."
Akagi and Anzai-sensei entered the gym. Everyone greeted them. A break was declared. Everyone marched off the court, either to the bleachers or the lockers.
Except, of course, for Rukawa. He simply refused to let go of the ball. After their drills, he continued practicing his shots.
"Show-off," Sakuragi muttered, looking around for Haruko. He couldn't find her. "Well, at least she couldn't see that shit fox showing off." He stomped to the locker room, bowing at Anzai-sensei who was walking towards Rukawa.
"So, are you ready?" Anzai-sensei asked.
"Yeah," Rukawa replied, shooting the ball into the ring.
"Aren't you going to say goodbye to your friends?" Anzai-sensei glanced meaningfully at Mitsui, Miyagi, and Kogure.
Friends…Rukawa didn't think so. It's interesting what people notice. Had he really let his guard down that much?
"No need for that."
Anzai-sensei smiled knowingly. Rukawa was an interesting person, and the boy did not know it. "Alright." He gave a hearty laugh.
Rukawa stared at the ball a few feet away. The ball stared happily back. Rukawa wondered how it could be happy when it couldn't smi—
Bacteria.
The voice of Anzai-sensei broke his thoughts, thankfully. "When's your flight?"
Rukawa's lips twitched 0.43289 mm upward. "I'm leaving tomorrow, Sensei."
-TBC-
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Nasty little buggers, these cliffhangers, but I gotta admit they're quite handy.
ONLY ONE CHAPTER LEFT!!!! I wonder how long that will take. What am I, some insane, evil Rowling clone-freak? Not dreaming of it.
But, I'm going to do a Rowling. Right now.
RUKAWA'S GONNA DIE.
Yeah, he is.
