Thanks for the reviews.

Disclaimer: I do not own the Bill.

Falling

Chapter 5 – Caught, Mid Fall, By A Pair Of Strong Arms

Jack watches Mickey stir, tying himself in knots with the bedding. His eyes catch on the clean white bandage wound neatly around his wrist. Jack stands up and walks over to the window which looks out over the hospital car park. He's still stunned by the events of last few hours.

Hearing more movement behind him, he turns to see that Mickey was coming round.

Mickey looks confused and dazed for a moment and then he closes his eyes, sighs and mutters. "It didn't work then."

Jack makes a choking sound, unable to say anything.

"Why didn't you just leave me?"

Jack couldn't answer for several minutes. He took a deep breath. "Because I didn't want you to die."

"Why not?"

"I'm not going to answer that. Why did you do it?" Jack sat down in a hard plastic chair which was beside the bed.

Mickey sighed. "Why d'you think?"

"I don't know." Jack said shrugging.

Mickey looked him in the eye and said honestly. "Because I wanted to die. I've had enough."

"Why now, you were doing so well."

"No, I wasn't."

"But why now?"

"I finally realised that it wasn't going to get any better." Jack frowned, confused. "At, at first I could take the anger and the fear and the shame and everything 'cos I thought that eventually it would get better. I could see a light at the end of the tunnel." He paused. "But it's been three years, and it still hurts so much. I don't want to put up with it anymore. Why should I?" He muttered wearily, struggling to explain how he felt.

"I know that you've been unhappy, been drinking too much. I had no idea that it had got this bad." Jack sighed. "Why didn't you talk to me?"

"'Cos talking doesn't help."

"If I'd have known that you were so low, I…"

He looked up. "You'd've what?"

"I could have done something, anything."

Mickey shook his head and shrugged. "I've tried for so long to get over it, but I can't. I don't want to live like this."

"You can't just give up and end it all."

"Why not? It's my life. There's no point in living when I hate every single second of it."

"You can't mean that."

"About hating every second of it? I do, I can pretend that I don't, I have been. But I can only lie to myself for so long. I feel terrified all the time. Just someone coming too close when I don't expect it, I, I feel sick, it's like it's happening again. And each time it's worse. Each time it hurts more."

"But you can't have meant to do this."

"Jack, this wasn't a cry for help or anything. I meant to do it. I meant to kill myself."

"I'm not going to let you give up. You deserve more than that."

"I gave up along time ago."

"I'm going to help you."

"What for?"

"For you. I should have been there for you all along."

"Nah, you're not doing this for me. You're doing this to make yourself feel better. You're just as bad as him. He ruined my life and then left me to suffer. I wish he'd killed me before he left the warehouse. I wish he'd just put me out of my misery. My life ended that night."

"I can't believe you're saying this."

"It's the truth, it was you that wanted to talk."

Jack turned back to the window as Mickey wiped his eyes with the back of his hand.

"I've known you for along time Mickey, you're not just a colleague, you're also a friend. It's hurts to see you like this, to see you so unhappy. I know that this isn't you, you wouldn't give up. Not when you've come so far."

"I've changed Jack, I've had to."

"No you haven't, not this much. I've watched you, when you haven't noticed it. I've seen you stand back up every time something happened and you can do that again."

"I don't know if I can."

"You can, I know you can. I have complete faith in you."

"You do?" Jack nodded.

"I, I don't know what to do. I've tried everything to forget what happened."

"I don't think you can, I think you just get on with it, you just have to accept it."

"It's not that easy, he, he," Mickey took a deep breath, wiping away the tears prickling in his eyes, "he raped me, he raped me and he took away everything, everything that I had." He swallowed and blinked in an effort to regain his composure.

"Yeah ok, it happened, Delaney raped you and I cannot even begin to understand what you went through, I have no idea. But don't let him ruin your life, don't let him take it away. He is a weak, weak man, you're ten times the man he is. Don't give up."