Sorry it's been so long, exams and Christmas and all that. Here's chapter six.

Disclaimer: I do not own the Bill, but I wouldn't mind it for Christmas. Maybe as a late present. Please?

Falling

Chapter 6 – Standing Back Up

Mickey was released from hospital later that week. Jack was once again by his side.

"Come on," Jack said walking down the corridor. "Lets get you home."

Mickey stopped just inside the hospital exit. "I don't know if I can, I can't go on like before, pretending that everything's ok."

"You don't have to. Not any more."

Jack drove Mickey home. There was an awkward moment as Mickey let him in through the door. The place was a mess.

"Tea?" Jack asked cheerfully. Mickey followed him into the kitchen. Jack stopped and gasped as he entered the room. On the work top was the knife Mickey had used to cut himself and the surface was covered in blood. "Christ, Mickey!"

Mickey looked down, embarrassed. He walked over to the knife and picked it up. He looked down at it closely and was transported back in time, for a moment he forgot that Jack was there.

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Oh god, I had forgotten about the blood and the knife and the mess. I didn't realise it had been so bad. I feel sick at the sight yet strangely drawn towards it.

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"Mickey? Mickey?"

Mickey looked up and dropped the knife in the sink. "Um, tea?" He looked over at Jack ignoring the knife.

"Yeah, please." He smiled to cover his embarrassment and apprehension.

They sat at the table drinking cups of tea. Mickey held the warm mug in his hands.

"So, have you thought about what you're going to do?" Jack started gently.

"Dunno."

"You'll come back to work, won't you." Jack held his breath as he waited for the answer.

"I quit, remember?" Jack's heart dropped.

"I didn't tell the Super. as far as he's concerned, you're off on sick leave, he doesn't even know what's wrong. I didn't think you were in any state to make a decision like that."

"I meant it." Mickey said quietly, looking down.

"Why?"

"It's just, if I hadn't come here then my mum wouldn't have died and, and I, I wouldn't've, he wouldn't have, Delaney wouldn't have, have raped me." He still struggled to get that word out.

"You can't say that, you never know what might have happened. You might have gone somewhere else and walked out into the street and got hit by a bus whose driver wasn't looking where he was going."

"And that would have been worse than my mum dying and me being raped?"

"No perhaps not, but, you never know what might have happened. You can't blame a place and running away isn't going to help, it'll catch up with you eventually."

"I needed to do something and everything here seems to go wrong."

Jack paused for a while, not knowing what to say. "Running away isn't the answer." He stopped for a second thinking, wondering if this was the right time, whether Mickey was ready. "And neither is harming yourself."

Mickey didn't say anything, he just subconsciously ran his finger gently over the scar on his left wrist.

"Why did you do it?" He asked quietly.

Mickey shrugged. "It just stopped me thinking about it for a while, couldn't think past the pain."

"But it didn't make you any happier, did it?"

"For a while, then I realised what I'd done, what I'd turned into. It scared me." He looked over Jack's shoulder out the window and then back to Jack. "I don't want to feel this way."

"You can get over this, I know you can."

"I don't know if I can. I, I don't know how."

"I'll help you, you just need to talk to me. You can't keep it all locked in side, you've tried that, it didn't work."

Mickey took a deep breath and nodded.

"I think you should come back to work-"

"I dunno."

"Listen to me, it's not going to help sitting 'round the house all day is it? There's to much time to think."

Mickey shrugged nonchalantly. "Alright, I'll come back to work. Um, are, are people talking about me?"

"Some of CID were, a bit, after you said you were quitting, I asked them not to say anything to the super. I told them that you were taking some time off."

"Thanks. Are you going to make me tell the super. what I did."

"No, that's your choice."

"D'you think I should."

Jack thought for a second. "I don't know."

"He's going to work it out sooner or later, isn't he?"

"Yeah, he's not stupid. That scar'll give it away."

"I don't know whether I can face talking about it, I'll have to tell him everything, won't I?"

"He probably knows about the rape, someone will have mentioned it to him."

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I'm torn, confused. Everything has happened so fast and I'm not sure what I feel anymore. What Jack is saying makes sense. I know that he wants to help me.

He's right, at the moment I'm too much of a mess to make any decisions. Should I talk to the super? I don't want to but I'd prefer he found out from me rather than someone else. But what if he gets rid of me. After all, I'm a liability. How can I be trusted with other peoples lives when I can't even look after my own.

Oh, I don't know.

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"You can do this Mickey. We'll take it one step at a time. You've just got to dust yourself off and stand back up."