"I mean, I don't believe it!"
That was the most notable quote that could be heard as the Smashers made their way to the living room, talking loudly, the row almost forgotten in the flurry of conversation.
"I can't sing! I can't sing! I can't sing! Ahhhhhh-shit, ouch!" Donkey Kong had rushed around screaming at the fact that there was SingStar on the list, but he was stopped by Roy poking a sword up his butt.
"Well, what about Morph Ball Racing, ah? It's something Sonic the Hedgehog would do, I'm not exactly roly-poly!" Wario exclaimed.
"You are pretty fat." Popo muttered quietly.
Wario punched him, and the Ice Climber toppled to the floor.
"Well, see, I guess I'll have the advantage for the Morph Ball Racing, then." Samus smirked.
"Damn you. What do you think the first event will be anyway?" asked Ness.
"I don't know. Can't remember jack from that list." Bowser admitted, shaking his head.
"Mr. Forgetful." Popo said, having gotten up. He was immediately decked again, this time from a nudge from Bowser's shell. A hard nudge.
"I guess it's probably something to do with violence…" Zelda said, trying to remember all the events on the list.
"Geez, they are all violent, even Chu Chu Rocket which sometimes involves mice getting eaten by cats or getting blown up…" Captain Falcon piped up.
"Even your precious F-Zero Racing? And DDR and SingStar?" Donkey Kong flipped the Captain off.
"Shit, they've got F-Zero Racing on there? God, I've forgotten how to race those things…" Captain Falcon grumbled.
"Mr. Forgetful, number two..." Popo commented impulsively, and was smacked onto the floor for the third time. This time, he decided to stay down.
Meanwhile, Pikachu and Link were more interested in a couple of other topics…
"Pokemon Colosseum? I have to command Pokemon, when I'm supposed to be one of them fighting? Things have changed since the Hand made me leave Ash to come here…" Pikachu sighed, shaking his head like many of the other Smashers had in the last hour.
"And Four Swords? I went through all that crap fighting four copies of myself with a load of other monsters that could kill me in an instant, and I have to do that all again?"
Link had calmed down since last night, but he still managed to sound pretty angry at the fact that all the work he had managed to do had just gone down the drain.
"Dude, it's a game. Re-something or whatever that guy is probably stays dead, and Master Hand simply makes a virtual image for us to fight. Or something." Pikachu replied, though he didn't sound too sure.
"He better. I spent so many Rupees trying to bribe someone to give me about fifty heart potions just to keep me alive for that battle!"
However, it didn't matter too soon afterwards, as all the Smashers were called to make their way to the dining room, a bit like…Big Brother. Shivers. Fortunately, Master Hand was there, and not away hidden making spooky Big Brother voices.
"Okay, now, Smashers, here, I've got a Power-Pill-Of-Alternate-Dimensional-Transportation or a PPOADT or best known as Toad's Pee-Pee…" he smirked, pulling out a large white pill, which resembled the things that Pacman ate. Peach made a special point on that:
"Isn't that what Pacman used to turn those ghosts blue?" she asked.
"No, those things are drugs…" Master Hand corrected her.
"Oh."
On a completely different alternate universe, a large yellow ball sat on his couch, with an almost-identical yellow ball only decorated with lipstick and a ribbon sitting next to him. As they watched "Jeopardy-Pacman style", a light-blue blob moved into the room.
"Pacman, we've received word that Master Hand, some almighty hand from another dimension of a parallel range, says that you get the power to eat us by using drugs…" the blob reported.
"Of course I do! Look!" Pacman replied, and he took a white pill from somewhere 'in' his pixellated skin, and swallowed it. The light-blue ghost suddenly turned blue.
"Woah…everything feels so…significant...I haven't felt so…far-out…since that 256th split-screen level!" the ghost spluttered, his eyes rolling around in all directions.
Pacman got really pissed at this comment; he was quite touchy about his continued failures at passing the 256th level, since he seemed to freeze up every time he went in a place that he thought he was allowed to go in, and get eaten up by ghosts.
"Now, Speedy, don't tell anyone about my secret, or I'll eat you…literally!" he threatened.
"But I'll just respaw-"
"Shut up! Got any other news?"
"Yeah, well, Master Hand did say he was organising a tournament which involved a certain game of Pacman…" Speedy muttered.
"Pacman, ayyyy?" Pacman smiled.
"So what have you got in mind with that? Remember the time you ate that pretzel in Level 5, and nearly choked, like George W. Bush? Don't try that sort of thing either! Hah!" Speedy whistled out of the room, hooting with laughter.
"Bastard." Pacman snarled, remembering how he had tried to eat the pretzel too quickly while trying to level up at speed towards the infamous split-screen.
"So, what are you thinking of, dear?" Ms. Pacman asked her husband, having listened to the conversation carefully the whole time.
"I'm just thinking of paying Master Hand a visit. I can travel to his SSBM dimension, and then we can talk about what's going on with his Pacman…"
"Now, honey, are you sure? You should, you know, relax and don't do it, and take some fewer drugs in that case, too. Have you remembered what happened when you entered the Special Cup in Mario Kart DS? You ended up "falling" off Rainbow Road…" Ms. Pacman reminded him, shaking her head.
"I promise that won't happen. Anyway, don't you remember how we met? Chased by four ghosts in both directions? You loved danger back then, didn't you?"
"And I still like danger now…" Ms. Pacman beamed, and she jumped onto Pacman.
"Ow! Ow! That hurts! Crap!" Pacman yelled.
(And now, we should leave this scene for a while, while Ms. Pacman does some "inappropriate" things to Mr. Pacman…)
"Okay, so we've got Toad's Pee-Pee, we should probably head off to our little alternate dimension." Master Hand said, holding the pill in his hand.
"Master Hand, the name just kills me inside. I mean, it is just plain bad. Like something out of Pokemon game hacks." Mario held his stomach in agony.
"Shut up. I was drunk, or something. Or maybe simply because it makes the anagram 'Toad's PP'" Master Hand grumbled.
"Ah hah! So you were lying all along from the start!" Wario shouted triumphantly.
Master Hand ignored his sarcastic remark, and he swallowed the pill. Suddenly, the Smashers were encircled by…a circle, and things immediately started to get less… illustrated.
When everything had returned to normal, or so it seemed, the Smashers found themselves in a massive arena. Bricks, warp-pools, tunnels and conveyor belts were scattered all over the place, and suddenly, it came to Mewtwo's head.
"Bomberman! Master Hand, you psycho!" he yelled, aiming a ray of psychic energy at the giant hand (or more precisely, Psybeam).
Master Hand lazily pushed it off.
"Now, each and every one of you has no attacks for this competition. All you have is an infinite supply of bombs. You can pull the pin, and set them, and they blow up after five seconds, plenty of time to get away. When it blows up, another bomb will appear in your pocket. If you get bomb pickups, the number of bombs in your pocket increases. And so with power-ups, and you can find them as you blast down walls with bombs. If you hit anyone with your bomb blast, they die, and they become spectators on the side of the arena, throwing bombs at others to cause annoyance and elimination."
"Also, for those who know, the only disease problem that we will have is the skulls: no devils or such. No sandals or super gloves either and no revenge for spectators, so suck on that."
For the next couple of minutes, Master Hand explained the rules of the classic game made famous through Nintendo…and others. Then, he led the Smashers into a room just from the entrance of the arena, where suits were placed all around the place. Each of the Smashers moved towards one, and there were a few groans of complaint from the larger characters, such as DK.
"Does this make me look fat?" he asked, gasping inside the suit.
"You are fat, fatass." Popo smiled.
Then, the Ice Climber realised his mistake, and he whispered to himself:
"Oh shit."
DK justified his fear by punching him in the face. Popo toppled over, as did DK's suit.
"Doh!" he cursed, but luckily, Master Hand returned with suits of a larger size for the bigger characters, or as Popo referred to, as the "Mr. Fats", and they fitted into them gleefully.
"All right now, I'll teleport everyone onto random spots on the edge of the grid, and the round will start in ten once you get into the arena. You shouldn't worry about that, since you won't be able to move until then." Master Hand called over the room with his disfigured voice.
Suddenly, there were flashes of light all over the area, and when everything was clear again; all the Smashers were gone, inside the arena. Although there still was one more comment from Kirby that was heard all over:
"Do I look gay in this outfit?"
Within ten seconds, the Toad's 'PP' (He HAS to think of a better name!) Tournament had started, with each Smasher equipped with a bomb which was activated instantly when dropped on the ground. For the first minute or so, there was nothing but a series of bomb blasts which shattered down walls. No Head-To-Head battles involving any Smashers yet. That was until everyone in the close vicinity of Roy heard him scream.
"AHHH! CRAP! DIAHORREA SKULL! GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF!" he yelled, panicking hard.
All the Smashers nearby fled in terror, as Roy came around a corner while leaving a trail of bombs behind every few seconds. They exploded behind him in a ferocious manner, blowing up walls, but somehow, not touching anyone. That was until Ganondorf, turning around a blind corner, found himself standing in the range of a bomb as it was about to blow up. That was the first man down. Luckily for Roy (and many others), his diahorrea skull ran out, and he survived, at least for now.
But soon, there was another double beep, as it seemed that Ness had managed to cleverly trap both Link and Zelda in a dead end, and reduced the number of competitors to 21. Bomb blasts continued to rock through the arena, and yet another Smasher was exterminated; this time, through Samus leaving a bomb next to a moon warp that Falco was coming through by. However, she went not too long afterwards after slipping and then sliding across a bit of the ice hockey rink straight into the path of a bomb.
By now, a few of the Smashers were really getting into the game, and were stringing together some nice moves. Mario had grabbed a load of bomb and increased-range pickups, and was causing some trouble by leaving a series of bombs behind, causing explosions to range out randomly. Samus managed to connect nicely with Link to trap Malon, and 19 was the number.
Suddenly, this caused an explosion of conflict, and the bomb explosions and cries of battle doubled in frequency. Although the arena was still huge in size, the walls were taking a hammering, and within five minutes of frantic dodging, running, and dropping, about half of the walls were cleared up, with four more competitors joining the five who were already spectators on the side. 15 remained, and they were all the higher-skilled ones-even Kirby was getting into the combat attitude, whisking in and out of the place, dropping bombs and collecting pickups. Well, not really the higher-skilled, as shown when Popo and Nana both managed to trap themselves in their panic to drop a bomb when they spotted each other. This time, it was Donkey Kong's turn to mock Popo with a rather unoriginal "Mr. Idiot." Popo made sure he knew about the poor quality, by calling him fat again, and even though that insult proved to be even less offending, DK didn't appreciate the comment on his size, and lunged at Popo.
Unfortunately, he managed to forget that he was on a spectator podium, and instead, he just managed to slide straight across to the other side. Popo noticed this as well, and decided to take advantage of DK's wrath. He poked his tongue out at DK, and the huge monkey immediately gave chase. But since both spectator pods travelled at the same speed, DK just couldn't touch Popo, and the Ice Climber worsened it by yelling insulting comments as he was pursued. Eventually, Master Hand had to step in by threatening to drop green Koopa shells on the two of them. DK, knowing the pain of that, quickly stopped, but Popo continued mocking him, until Master Hand informed him that he also had a possibly-better alternative, which involved shoving him in the fire pit for four hours. He shut up quickly too, and they went back to the game, with DK glaring furiously at Popo.
And speaking of the battling, during the time of the feud, three more characters had fallen, leaving only ten left, and it was time for the time limit of ten minutes to be put in place. The ten remaining included the three plumbers, the F-Zero Champion, Fox, Pikachu, Ness, the two Fire Emblem swordsmen, and Kirby, the rather innocuous pink ball who had proved to be quite tough on the battlefield. But only on the battlefield, as the events of the last two days had shown.
Marth and Roy were naturally annoyed at Kirby getting into their snack pile, and although they didn't really care about what had happened, they were still a bit eager to gain some revenge on Kirby. So after meeting in the maze, they decided to team up on Kirby, and it almost worked. Unfortunately (for them), Kirby had the Kick ability, along with the Throw ability, so he managed to throw away both of Roy's bombs from one side, and escape yet again. One of those bombs landed behind Ness, and he was blown away.
Fox was the next person to join the pile of spectators, as a result of a clever trick by Pikachu. The electric Pokemon had been pretty quiet through the fighting, mainly because his bombs were short-ranged, but he was fast, and he decided to use both the strength, and the weakness. He deliberately trapped himself in a long passage, and Fox, coming past, thinking that Pikachu had been trapped, headed off. When the bomb exploded, Pikachu quickly sped off in pursuit of Fox, and managed to find him planting a bomb against the wall. Quickly, the Pokemon dropped his own bomb, sealing off the short passage, and slipped away before Fox knew what had hit him. The last thing the commander saw was a bomb exploding as he turned around…
Marth managed to remove Luigi from the arena with a clever piece of bombing work; he kicked a bomb, and a couple of curvages changed the bomb's direction, into the path of the green Mario Brother. Wario sent his 'cousin' out through a bomb which was carried by the fast-moving conveyor belt, and exploded into Mario, who was taking cover from his own dropped bomb intended for Roy. Four were still left. Marth blew himself up trying to be clever with the changes of path again; the bomb he aimed was turned back at him, and blew up before he could move.
Suddenly, Wario, Pikachu, and Kirby were on the spot for the maximum early points in the first round. The other Smashers were still constantly tossing bombs from the side, but they didn't do much considering their short range and the huge size of the arena. Even saying so, about fifteen bombs being tossed every few seconds was pretty annoying for anyone lurking on edges, although those right on the side were safe from being hit. But that just wouldn't work, as the time limit had slipped to below three minutes and someone had to go really aggressively to attain victory.
Kirby triumphed in the end, although with plenty of luck. The three had crowded around, all deciding to go for the aggression, and were dropping bombs freely, while also kicking and throwing them away frantically along with it. Pikachu showed every ounce of his natural agility that came from being a 'lighting mouse' (hah, get it? Lightning Mouse!), Wario displayed amazing mobility for someone of his bulk, and Kirby used his small build to dodge bombs blasts. Finally, Pikachu was ousted first, as Kirby's thrown bomb smacked him in the face, stunning him for a second, and forced his dodge too late for him to dodge Wario's bomb which had been placed seconds before. Then, Kirby got the first attack sequence on Wario, placing six bombs in random sections around Wario, and the big man just couldn't hold up with the patterns. Game over it was, and a…perfect start for the fluffy, pink ball with the instant metabolism.
As all the spectators were teleported out of the arena, back to the SSBM Mansion, everyone was puffing from the exertion of putting through the exhausting battles. Kirby was congratulated by just about everyone, even Link, and Master Hand clicked his fingers to gain everyone's attention.
"Well, good work, Kirby, and well done, everyone else for the nice Bomberman work. Kirby, you'll go on a little virtual fishing trip to go grab your trophy for this event…" Master Hand sounded mischievous at this thought, and he clicked his fingers. Suddenly, a white-clad figure appeared before them, lazily chewing a Mars Bar, while holding what looked like a remote-controlled bomb.
"Well, everyone, this is Bomberman himself. He'll be taking Kirby fishing for his trophy, Bomberman style!" Master Hand announced.
Everyone else grinned. Kirby, looking pretty flustered, walked over to Bomberman, who smirked, and took one last bite of the Mars Bar, before shoving it into his pack.
"Hey, dude, looks like you need a bit of coaching on how to do fishing. Master Hand, teleport us to the fishing place, then I can teach him." Bomberman said.
Master Hand clicked his fingers again, and the two disappeared, replaced by a large video screen, which showed Kirby and Bomberman sitting in a boat, with both clutching large fishing-rods.
"All right now, Kirby, the first thing for you to do, is set power on your cast. You can only cast once, so make sure you get it right. The next thing, is to simply hang your line over the water, and move it about, hope that you get something, eh?" Bomberman smiled, and gestured.
Kirby groaned, and he slowly pulled his line back, before tossing it into the water. Everyone in the room cheered as they watched the video screen, which was now following the path of the fishing line, controlled obliviously by Kirby. Golden trophies in the shapes of pickups such as Kick-Boots and Speed-Wagons floated about, but with them, were also large boxes with 'X' marked on them. All the Smashers grew silent as the fishing line slowly made its way towards the floor of the water, and grabbed onto one of the 'X' boxes, before pulling it up.
"Okay, now pull!" Bomberman shouted.
Kirby pulled the line upwards, eager to see what he had managed to snatch. He wished that he hadn't. The moment the box exited the water, it flew out of the line's 'grasp', and smacked Kirby in the face, before dropping back down into the water. The Smashers roared with laughter, and Kirby was left lying down, nursing the wound in the middle of his face. Meanwhile, Bomberman had lazily cast his own line, and had fished up the rare Golden Bomb trophy, which he held to display on the video screen with the traditional Anime Smile pose that was met with each successful catch by each winner of a Bomberman tournament. Then, he passed it over to Kirby, who was still lying on the ground.
"Here, little fella, have it, I've got enough back for display at my house."
The only reply he got back was:
"Nrrgh…"
