Thanks for the reviews, hope everyone had a good Christmas. Happy new year! Chapter 7 – Holding On

Mickey was sat in a chair in front of Jack's desk.

"There's no need to look quite so terrified, all you've got to do is talk to him."

Mickey sighed. "You make it sound so easy."

"D'you want me to come with you?"

"Nah." He shook his head. "Yeah. No. Yeah. Yeah I do."

"Final decision?"

"Yeah."

Jack looked down at his watch. "Come on then, he's expecting you at nine."

---

I stopped outside the Super's door and backed away. "I can't."

"You can. Just talk to him."

"Right." I sighed.

---

Jack gently propelled him through the door.

Superintendent Heaton looked up. "Ah, DC Webb, sit down." He looked questioningly up at Jack.

"Mickey asked me to be present."

The super looked a little confused. "I hope you're feeling better?"

"Er," Mickey looked up at Jack. "Yeah, kind of. That's, um, what I wanted to see you about. I, um, you see, I…" He looked over at Jack. "… This is, this is a waste of time." He stood up.

With experience Jack knew that Mickey would try to flee so, anticipating this, he had positioned himself between Mickey and the door. "Mickey, sit down."

Mickey took a deep breath ready to argue and then changed his mind and sat back down.

"Start at the beginning." Jack said quietly.

"Um, three years ago, I, I, um, a suspect, er. Three years ago I was raped by a suspect, by, by Martin Delaney." Mickey looked down at his hands which were shaking in his lap.

"I remember reading about it at the time. I didn't know who the victim was." He flushed as Mickey cringed at the word victim. "I mean, I never knew who the officer was."

"Yeah, well, I, um, haven't been handling it too well recently. A few weeks ago I started self-harming, at, at first it was just an accident, but, you know, it got out of control. Then, I tried to kill myself, I, er, slit my wrist, but Jack found me, he saved my life. That's what I wanted to tell you. That's where I've been, hospital, I wasn't ill, well I suppose I was."

"Um, right. Jack you felt you should keep this from me?"

"I can't break Mickey's confidence, Sir." Jack had began to look slightly angry at the super's tone.

"DC Webb perhaps you should wait outside for a moment. Thank you." Mickey stood up, dismissed.

"Guv?"

"Wait in my office Mickey, I won't be long."

Mickey opened his mouth. "Yes, Guv."

---

My legs are shaking from telling him, as I walk up the corridor they're still shaking. That went badly. Victim? I hate that word. Makes me feel sick. I don't want to be a victim. But, maybe that's what I am.

Heaton actually made me feel guilty. I wish I hadn't told him. I dread to think what he is saying to Jack.

Shit! Here's Jack now!

---

Heaton stood up from behind his desk. "You should have told me as soon as I came to this station."

"Told you what?"

"That, that he had been raped."

"Why? It was along time ago. Mickey had put it behind him."

"You should have told me, he's, he's a liability."

"No, he isn't! Three years ago he went through the most horrific experience that anyone could go through. You have no idea. And he has done everything he can to get over this but it's hard and he's struggling."

"That does not change the fact that he tried to commit suicide a few weeks ago."

"Yes, I know. It was me that found him lying on the ground next to his mother's grave bleeding to death."

"Exactly. He is a liability."

"No he isn't. He's no more of a liability than I am."

"Jack you lied to me, you should have told me all this long ago."

"I didn't lie to you. The subject never came up. It's not a secret, several people knew at the time. Mickey put it behind him."

"Clearly he hasn't!"

"He's just made one slip up."

"I'm not happy about him working here."

"Sir, with all due respect, I will not allow you to get rid of him. He was attacked while working for this station, you can't just hide him away somewhere because it is inconvenient."

"It's not that, I can't risk him doing this again."

"Look, sir, this was my fault, I should have watched him better, I didn't realise things had got so bad for him, I'll watch him better, I won't let it happen again."

"Jack, it isn't your job to watch him."

"Yes it is. I messed up. I pushed him too hard, I didn't trust him and I told him that he wasn't doing his job properly. He went after that, that animal for me. And when it happened he couldn't talk to me, he couldn't talk to anyone. I heard it from another officer who'd guessed. I owe him. I let him down. It took a lot of courage for him to tell you. Mickey finds it so hard to talk about. He very rarely mentions it, even to me. Please just let me handle it. Mickey's strong, he can get over this."

"Alright, Jack, but I want to know what's going on. I'll be watching."

"Sir."

Jack returned to his office to find Mickey stood anxiously at the window.

"Mickey?"

"Guv? What did he say?"

"Hey, calm down. He just wants me to keep an eye on you."

"It took along time for him to say that."

"Ok, he needed a bit of convincing. He was just shocked."

"Yeah, I could tell. You're not in trouble for not telling him, are you?"

"No, he was just angry, he didn't realise what you'd been through."

"What was I supposed to do, make an appointment with him as soon as he go here and say 'hi, I'm DC Webb, just to let you know, I was, I was, you know.'"

"Yeah I know."

"I wish I hadn't told him, he's going to treat me differently now, everyone does."

"How do you know that, how many people have you actually told."

"After he told everyone, they all treated me differently."

"No you didn't give them the chance to get used to it. You were out of here within a few hours."

"They were really weird around me whenever I came back here. I dreaded having to come here on a job."

"They just didn't know what to say. People care about you, they feel bad that you went through all that."