A/N: You know what would be really cool? Mario Kart on the PS3. Imagine the uh…super awesome high-resolution graphics featuring sweat pouring down the faces of the racers, amazing kart models, beautifully rendered tracks, realistic smoke puffing from the karts and uh…yeah. That's kinda pointless. In the end though, PS3 still sucks.

They've got something going for them though, should be evening out in 08. Oh yes, I do apologise for the six month hiatus. The effect this has on Smashers and their real world connection will be explained (badly) in this chapter.

And about this whole Kart thing, inspiration for it came a little from the very good fanfic "Yoshi Kart", but most of it came from a need to include an obvious party game as one of the events in this tournament.

Master Hand sensed a…disturbance in the Force. After all, he was a Jedi…in name-only. He had beaten the crap out of the many Jedi sent to deal with him for illegally acquiring the title of "Jedi Master". With nothing else to do, Mace Windu and his fellow Jedi Councillors left him alone and focused their intentions on accidentally assassinating Chancellor/Emperor/Evil Ruler/Sith Lord/failure Palpatine.

The Hand felt as if everything in the video games universe had suddenly changed from their normal courses and…headed in his direction. This was pretty strange for him, to say the least. He shrugged and suddenly had a brainwave of sorts. He re-opened a communication link to all the Smashers, including the ones who were about to start racing…

"Hey, shitheads, I've decided to kill the 'realistic racing courses'. Arcade tracks full-on for this tournament. You guys will get to race generic sports cars later on…" he said, chuckling.

Without warning, he tapped the green light button and shouted:

"GO GO GO!!!!!"

The racing Smashers weren't expecting it and for a couple of seconds, remained dead on their heels. Samus got the start though, as she sped off from the line with Pikachu and Malon in hot pursuit. They headed out towards the first series of Wumpa Fruit and Lego bricks, a short distance away. Samus picked up three bricks-a pathway to a pretty good weapon and the other power-up upgrades were shared among the racers. They headed on, ramming into each other as they did. Marth attempted a PIT manoeuvre on Luigi but since they were in racing karts, it was kind of hard to PIT someone without spinning themselves around, so the two cleaned out, trading insults. As Samus and Malon headed towards the first line of crabs, Master Hand pulled up the new schedule of races:

-Shy Guy Beach, Mario Kart Super Circuit

-Imperial Grand Prix, Lego Racers

-Track of DEATH, unknown

-Moo-Moo Farm, Mario Kart 64

-Magma Moon Marathon, Lego Racers

-Peach Circuit, Mario Kart Super Circuit

-Ganbare-Dochu, Konami Krazy Racers

-Bowser Castle 3, Mario Kart Super Circuit

"No Diddy Kong Racing?" Nana called as she watched Peach make a sudden break forward to get a weapon pickup.

"Nah. We didn't even introduce the Diddy Kong Racing weapons." Master Hand replied.

"What the hell's the Track of Death?" Captain Falcon asked.

"Wait and see. Nobody gets to see that one until they actually drive on it." Master Hand said mysteriously.

"I hope you fall into a pit and die." Captain Falcon mumbled.

"Shitload of Mario Kart tracks in there. Bias?" Ness questioned.

"What other arcade racing game should I have? Konami Krazy Racers has some atrocious tracks. Oh and I forgot to mention that we ARE using Mario Kart GP scoring, y'know, 9-6-3-1." Master Hand retorted.

"Hand, we've played Mario Kart so many times it's shameful not to know." Falco replied with a grin.

"Don't remind of that."

The racers were now near the end of the first lap, and Pikachu and Malon were neck-to-neck. At least they were neck-to-neck until Pikachu totalled Malon with a cream pie and Malon responded by dropping a TNT crate as she started to spin out. Samus gleefully took the lead as she raced by on a mushroom.

He pulled up the tracks for the second round.

-Toad's Turnpike, Mario Kart 64

-Pole Position Race 1, Pole Position

-Cyber Field 2, Konami Krazy Racers

-Tiny Temple, Crash Nitro Kart

-Pacman Track, Pacman

-Xalax, Lego Racers 2

-Velo's Citadel, Crash Nitro Kart

-Rainbow Road, Mario Kart 64

"Wait, what the shit? Pacman Track?" Fox asked, staring.

"Yeah…cunning bugger Pacman. He requested a whole load of other stuff along with making an entrance during the Pacman event. This is one of them. Wait and see."

"A NAMCO GAME? Pole Position? Isn't that an F1 sorta game?" Krystal looked at Master Hand, her eyes narrowed.

"Yeah, another one of my uber-secret super tracks. Wait and see…providing you make the second round."

With that, no more Smashers asked questions and they settled to watch the race. They were now halfway through the second lap and Marth had drawn up to the leading pack of Samus, Pikachu and Malon. Ganondorf and Luigi were struggling at the rear, trying to knock each other off the road and falling further behind. Mewtwo and Peach were somewhere in between.

Samus was trying to pull Marth off-line into the water, but it took a while to get deep and therefore force a bail-out meaning her strategy didn't exactly work. She tried putting him off by imaginary Force chokes with her hands and first she thought it worked as Marth's eyes ballooned. But then Marth grinned and flipped her off. They skidded against each other going for a Wumpa Fruit box but Pikachu slipped in front of them to steal it. All of a sudden, the three of them were walloped by missiles and shouted "What the fuck?!" simultaneously. The missiles had come from Mewtwo, who had picked up the three white bricks and red offensive item which had turned out to be a Lego Racers weapon. Malon sped past the three as they untangled themselves. But before anyone could reach another series of weapons, everyone on the track was suddenly struck by an anvil-courtesy of Mr. Luigi. Of course, nobody other than Ganondorf knew it was the green plumber.

The third lap started as Marth, Samus and Pikachu pushed at Malon, who was speeding away, trying to keep her head cool. She picked up a brick and made a move to the blue defensive boxes, and prayed for something big…

A line of bananas. She cursed the fruit silently, and activated it, leaving a trail behind her back. The bananas would give her one chance to survive whatever the others could throw at her. Unfortunately, they were blown away almost immediately as a homing missile from Samus ran at her. Then Pikachu unleashed the rocket he had acquired-the Lego Racers weapon. He had planned only on riding it for a short time to get a little boost, but he held it too long, and he rammed into the back of Samus. Marth, who was about to use an acquired nitro, was caught in the explosion, and the two of them screamed at Pikachu as they flew in the air:

"YOU CRAZY IDIOT!"

Despite the ruckus, Mewtwo and Peach still weren't catching up nor were Ganon or Luigi. Malon heard the blast somewhere behind her, and breathed a sigh of relief as she raced towards another defensive item, a shield which guaranteed her victory. Marth used his nitro boost to speed away to second while Samus came in third and Pikachu fourth. No special items had shown up yet.

Samus pulled herself out of the kart and stalked towards Pikachu, who was grinning sheepishly. Marth was coming the other way while the others looked at the three, bemused.

"What was all that about?" Marth demanded, looking down at the electric mouse.

Pikachu shrugged. Samus was equally furious, if not more so. Her eyes blazed as she grabbed Pikachu and held him up.

"Woah, woah, don't go 'Dark Samus' on us. You high on…Phazon? From Aether? You know?" Marth asked.

Samus stared at him and dropped Pikachu with a thud. Shooting one last glare at the two of them, she headed back to her kart.

"Uh…thanks, Marth." Pikachu said gingerly as he got up.

"No problems." Marth smirked, having forgotten about the incident already.

Unfortunately for them, Samus hadn't and the fire lifted her. She went on a tear at the Imperial Grand Prix, a race set by a harbour being attacked by a pirate ship. The cannonballs that it was firing didn't really do much though. Samus sped out early and with the Lego Racers layout meaning there was always a choice to choose from, went boost-whoring before moving well ahead off a Lego-Racer warp. Pikachu came in second while Mewtwo picked up a super engine late to zip into third.

"Watch the oestrogen, Darth." Marth taunted Samus as he crossed the finish line in fifth place.

"He really should stop trying to wind her up." Link said, watching the screen.

Master Hand silently agreed. Samus was a naturally fiery figure, having spent quite a few years shooting the crap out of Space Pirates and Metroids. She could get mean very fast.

But she didn't have time to get meaner as they were quickly teleported to the next track. For the watching Smashers, the screen went black. And for the racers…well they had been moved to some sort of track…which wasn't really a track. It was more like a short stretch of road leading into nothingness. However, ahead of them, and all around them, were trailers of what seemed to be unreleased games.

"Master Hand, what the hell is this place?" Mewtwo asked.

"This is a preview of unreleased games. Unseen trailers. Nothing those dudes at Gamespot or IGN have seen. Enjoy!" Master Hand shouted.

"Wait, what about the race? HAND? HAND?! Fucker." Ganondorf snarled.

The Smashers settled down though as they really wanted to check out the footage. Some of the stuff seemed to be made for E3, but most of the others were deeper for still-unreleased games. There were complaints by a few over their terribly rendered in-game models in Super Smash Brothers Brawl. And a few other various moans.

It seemed that only Ganondorf was worried about the race.

"HAND, YOU FUCKER! WHAT ABOUT THIS RACE?" he screamed.

"Shut up!" came the shout simultaneously.

Ganondorf sighed and stared at the infinite darkness below. He didn't want to risk his neck by driving off the track…maybe it was one of those wait-it-out sorts of things. He decided to make someone else do it instead. He called out to Peach, who was in front of his kart.

"Hey Peach, check out that game over there!" he shouted, pointing somewhere to his right.

Peach turned her head to it. Immediately, Ganondorf hit the accelerator and rammed into Peach with force.

The blonde princess screamed and hit the brake, but it was too late. Her kart tumbled off the track and into…blackness. The other Smashers looked and waited to see what would happen. Suddenly, there was a loud bang, and suddenly, a series of fireworks burst out. Weasleys' Wildfire Whiz-Bangs? One of them formed a series of words:

PEACHWINNAR!

There was pandemonium. None of the racers could believe what had just happened. All they had to do was drive off the edge to win? And Ganondorf did the business for Peach.

"What the hell was the point of that?" Marth shouted angrily.

"Hey, you guys got to see stuff that millions of gamers would kill to take a peek at. Feel lucky."

"Where did you get those fireworks?" Luigi asked.

"Uh…I went into the Wizarding world. Stole some stuff from Weasley's Wizarding Wheezes. Actually, I bought them along with a few hundred Skiving Snackboxes. Nearly got skewered by something at the Magical Menagerie though."

"Didn't Fred die during the seventh book?"

"No, you idiot, that seventh book was actually fake. 'Nuff said." Master Hand explained quickly and he sent the eight racers flying through gaming dimensions to Mario Kart 64 before they could inquire anything else about his special stage and Harry Potter.

Moo-Moo Farm was familiar to all of the characters. Of course, they'd played Mario Kart 64. It had also been the scene of a preliminary round during one of the tournaments last year, where at one point, Samus and Fox began tossing balls of mud at each other during a stalemate where they had simply fired projectiles at each other. Samus had started it after Fox had cheesed her; shielding several of her flying kicks and bombarding her with fire from his ray gun. Eventually, both had picked up smitings from Master Hand (in Samus being shot by full-power projectiles from each of her weapons and Fox being rammed by the Star Fox) and Fox was mocked as a "chick mud wrestler". Samus, similarly, copped it for fighting with males in mud (despite the fact that everyone acknowledged her as a tomboy.)

Master Hand produced yet another gem of a start when he rushed them off by drilling a massive hole next to the racers. At first, they were all confused by the action but Pikachu shot out of the blocks, probably as he had jammed on the accelerator in surprise. The rest quickly followed him, speeding towards the first set of power-ups. Master Hand, watching them, was bored so he pulled up…a giant mole and chuckled as several of the racers slammed head-on into what turned out to be a cardboard cut-out. That didn't mean it didn't do anything though, as Luigi, Samus, Malon and Ganondorf were sent flying. Ganondorf really should've had the weight to barge straight through the cut-out, but it was easy enough to blame the physics of the track and the world of Nintendo.

Pikachu had flown out to the front on a golden mushroom while Mewtwo and Peach were pushing at him. Marth was a little back, hanging out a couple of nasty obstacles for the rest of the racers, still recovering from the hit by the giant mole. Pikachu was cleaned out by a red shell from Mewtwo who got his own pizza from Peach, firing her bowling ball as she sped past the slipping Pikachu. Marth rammed into the electric Pokemon from behind, skidding him away even further. With that, Peach and Marth pulled into the lead, slamming into each other to try and push their ways to a lead. Peach cornered sharply in an attempt to overtake Marth inside, but Marth spotted the move and blocked it off. She moved to the right. Marth responded by following it.

For the next ten seconds, as Peach attempted all sorts of weird overtaking moves, Marth responded by blocking each one off although a couple of times, he easily could've moved on even further. The Toadstool Princess was fuming. Instead of going for her next move as Marth yelled out an insult with something to do with Mario, she leaned forward, trying to balance her kart at the same time and took a swipe at the back of Marth's head, who was close enough for her to reach.

The contact caused a dramatic effect. Marth was not expecting such a move (why would he have?) and he lost control, jerking his steering wheel to the left in a wild slide. Unfortunately, Peach had followed it up with another ram, and her own kart tyres skidded wildly out of control, following in the direction of Marth. As they pulled off the track cursing each other, Pikachu and Mewtwo raced by, engaged in their own battle as they both looked for their first wins. As they raced around the "farm" on their final lap, unintruded with the rest all in their own struggles, Mewtwo tried to psych Pikachu out but Pikachu held it off. As the electric Pokemon gathered his senses for another way to break down Mewtwo, the psychic Pokemon closed his eyes and unleashed his strongest possible Psybeam attack.

It worked. Pikachu screamed in agony as his mind was swamped pretty fierce, but his instincts kicked into action, and instead, he squeezed his cheeks very hard. A full-fledged Thunder attack. Both racers were in bad shape, but now they were in serious pain as they sped side-to-side towards the finishing line. Their karts ended up spluttering over the line together, followed by Luigi about eight seconds later. The Smashers looked inquiringly at Master Hand, who tried his version of a "shrug" (very hard, being a single hand). In the end, he telekinetically messaged to each Smasher that he was trying to shrug and declared the race a tie. Mewtwo and Pikachu weren't very happy about that, but they couldn't do much with their Thunder attacks anyway.

Magma Moon Marathon was close to a jaunt. With the exception of the shortcut which only opened occasionally and the magma spewing out of a few holes (Master Hand decided to make the magma more painful than usual: usually, it was harmless but he had twiddled with it to make it explode like a TNT barrel, as Marth had found out.) Samus rolled in first to put her in prime position for the second round after driving into a shortcut with Mewtwo, who came second while Malon came all the way from seventh to finish third.

Another similar case came with Peach Circuit, another rather familiar track to all. Rather laid-back and basic, with only the exception of a few hairpin turns (which didn't matter since spinning someone else out was hard either way), the racers focused on speed rather than knocking each other off the track. Samus was hit by a homing missile early on, but she recovered to finish third and secure her place from at least elimination. Luigi's early super engine power-up allowed him to take a chunky lead which he held onto from Pikachu, who streaked home on Lego Racers booster rockets. Master Hand once again had messed them all up by nuking them all about halfway through the race. It didn't affect the placings.

Ganbare Dochu was another amiable track, this time from Konami Krazy Racers. A simple circular run with the only obstacles being a little patch of trees and a couple of bridges with small holes in them. The race was also accompanied with rather peaceful yet jovial music which only sped up a touch on the final lap.

It should have been another test of speed, placement and timing, but Master Hand once again effectively screwed the track up when he exploded one of the bridges, instead placing a ramp for which racers could jump over the water with. He also decided to place a spawn point where an assortment of missiles, anvils, shells and cream pies would be fired/thrown at the unlucky racers as each one hit the ramp. A direct hit would usually result in a bail into the water. Some Smashers tried to take evasive action at this, but ended up spinning out or performing wild flips as they splashed into the water anyway.

It was the most torturous race of the series so far. Master Hand's weapons were firing themselves with deadly precision and the Smashers racing were falling into the water again and again. Ganondorf broke this flurry of fire and took the lead and finally, Peach was also able to get through, although she barely made it as she was hit in the air by a red shell. After a while, several of the Smashers were able to run through in a temporary break from the firing, leaving only a furious Mewtwo and a rather lazy Samus who had already sealed her place, in their wake.

They still had to beat the ramps twice more, but Master Hand had decided to relieve them of it…or more likely he was laughing too much to keep shooting as quickly. Ganondorf held onto his lead, follow by Peach and then an anaemic Marth. The other Smashers crossed the line, glad that they weren't subjective to any further pain. Mewtwo rolled in last with a time of eight minutes, thirteen seconds and about three minutes after everyone else…

The stage was set for the final race. Samus was clear and away with 24, as was Pikachu on 22. Both were in the driver's seat for the next round. But there was still a tussle for the wild-card spots, led by Mewtwo on 19 and Peach on 16 (naturally aided by her TRACK OF DEATH win). However, Master Hand discovered that he had his own problems…

Bowser Castle 3 was yet another familiar Mario Kart sight. Fortunately, Hand hadn't messed with the track too much, only deciding to add a few more crusher thingies and make the fireballs spewing from the lava bigger.

Samus and Pikachu were both determined to make it directly to the point scoring round, and they shot off immediately. Initially, Pikachu tried to bribe Samus (in Pokemon yen) to let him win, but Samus was still fuming from the Shy Guy Beach debacle and declined. Malon was also lurking in third and Mewtwo following up behind. But Pikachu and Samus were pulling further and further ahead, fuelled by their competitive spirit and the fact that one had used a brick earthquake, and the other an anvil strike.

By halfway through the final lap, Samus and Pikachu was miles ahead, shooting towards the open lava section. They clashed side-to-side, trying to deny each other power-ups. In fact, they were heading for a row of power-ups, and Pikachu cut out to grab his own: a red shell. Unfortunately, as he fired it, Samus cut across his path, activating the Star which she had picked up and sending him skidding into the wall. With that, Samus streaked towards the finishing line, her victory seemingly secure.

But Pikachu wasn't finished yet. Cursing quietly to himself, he sped towards the last set of power-ups just as Samus rounded the corner. He closed his eyes, hoping for something worthwhile. When he reopened them a couple of seconds later, he found himself looking at a lightning symbol. A Mario lightning symbol.

The electricity jolt shrank everyone who could be seen on the track, including Samus. With that, Pikachu raced back towards the bounty hunter as she limped towards the finishing line. He was gaining with every second. As he turned the second-last corner, he spotted Samus rounding the last corner sharply. He had to go for the squash to seal a win-a photo finish wouldn't do much for him. He altered his direction a little and headed straight for Samus, praying that she wouldn't grow back to normal size before he got there.

Unfortunately, she did. Unfortunately for both of them though, this was as Pikachu ran over the top of her, and instead of finding himself over the finish line, Pikachu found himself tangled on top of Samus. Neither could move. Pikachu's wheels were stuck trying to get over the back of Samus's kart, and Samus's own wheels couldn't get going with the weight and pressure of a kart hanging off her back.

And that was when Malon struck. She had been the only racer on track who could not be seen as Pikachu activated the lightning, and she had gained on the leaders, picking up a boost on the last row of power-ups. It was simply a regular mushroom, but the speed boost had her pulling up fast towards the two still-stuck leaders. She sped past them, breathing a sigh of relief for her victory. Similarly, she decided that a couple of presents for Pikachu were also necessary.

By now though, Mewtwo was also rounding the corner. He knew the maths: a second would keep him alive no matter what had happened and he did just so, racing past the still-struggling pair. Finally the two had disentangled, Pikachu finally mustering up enough horsepower to pull himself underneath Samus and over the line, followed slowly by Samus.

But it was costly for both. Malon's win had elevated her to fourth and a wildcard spot on 23. However, Mewtwo's second and Pikachu and Samus straggling over had put them in a three-way tie for first on 25, and Master Hand hadn't even thought of a tie-breaker yet.

Samus was literally taking matters into her own hands anyway. She had extricated herself from the kart and was striding towards Pikachu…again. Fury radiated from her every cell, and Pikachu was slowly taking steps back, thinking about fleeing. Too late. Samus grabbed Pikachu, and started strangling him with her fingers. Pikachu quickly turned a pale yellow, then totally white (quite a sight). However, his instincts kicked in and he mustered a kick into the chest of the bounty hunter…like it did much. He was unable to use any lightning or Agility for that sakes either. Mewtwo, Malon and an arriving Marth (heh, the three M's) all rushed over to separate the two. In the end, it was Master Hand who broke it up with a lazy sweep of his hand.

"Okay, let me see…deciding on smitings…okay." Hand mumbled as Samus and Pikachu stood there, Pikachu still rather white avoiding eye contact and Samus in her black outfit shooting daggers at Pikachu with her eyes.

Master Hand still couldn't decide a fitting smiting, so he quickly shut the chapter down, ignoring the protests of the readers yelling: "No you, bitch! You haven't told us how six months forward has affected the mansion!"

E/N: Yep, I don't hold promises.