Today, has been stressfull. I would love some reviews, they make me smile. I'm better, not that sick anymore. Makeup work is lovely;hah. Mondayscrapdays. But yeah, REVIEW. I want tons of reviews :) Tell me what you think!

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xoxo, JULiA.


CHAPTER 3—

I feel numb inside, and out. Usually, when I wake up, I smile. This morning, I'm just numb. It's not a happy mood, and not sad either. It's neutral, and numb. I don't want to get out of bed, and I don't want to go to work. I feel fine; it's just that my heart hurts.

I had this awful dream about Dylan and me last night. He asked me to marry him, and be with him forever, and I didn't say yes. I guess it was a fight of some kind. Then I remember him taking off my promise ring, and leaving to his room for the night. I remember crying in the dream too, and going to sleep. Oh wait, that was all real.

I don't want it to be real. It SHOULDN'T be real. I love Dylan, why did I say no to him? Am I going crazy or something? I'm not scared, and I'm NOT afraid of change. He's wrong, I'm not afraid of change, I can't be. I've been with him for the longest time, and things have changed since then, and I wasn't afraid. I have this feeling in the pit of my stomach, a weird feeling. It's like a feeling of regret. Do I regret saying no, instead of yes? Did I not follow my heart, but my head? I don't know.

I didn't see Dylan when I left the condo this morning. I didn't see anyone there. I guess I got up too late. He couldn't have moved out, that's too drastic for a fight. We fight ALL THE TIME, but not like this. This fight is much different. It's not the same as fighting over pancakes and laughing. It's crying and a life changing thing.

In the studio today, my producers said I wasn't the same. I wasn't giving all my effort, and I wasn't trying that hard. I wasn't being bright, and I wasn't lighting up the room with my smile, like I always do. I wasn't laughing, and I wasn't smiling. They knew something was wrong, and I don't think they knew exactly what. They didn't ask me, and I didn't tell them. I almost lost it just THINKING about last night, imagine talking about it. I'd be a basket case, and I know it. I just kept my mind to myself.

I left the studio, not getting anything accomplished. I don't know what to expect at home, and what Cole will say about everything. I hope he doesn't hate me now. I should have just said yes. Why didn't I say yes? I wouldn't be like this if I said yes, instead of no. I'm just a stupid little girl. I need to grow up, seriously.


I hear Cole in the kitchen. I guess he's the only one home. My shoes slid off my feet, letting me feel the hard floor beneath me. I got to the kitchen, to see Cole's face, staring back at me. I can only wonder what he'll say, and I wonder what he thinks of me. He probably hates me for doing what I did to Dylan. But, who knows.

"Hey." He said softly, like someone was listening, and we weren't supposed to be talking. I swallowed, and then said "Hey, do you hate me now?" I looked at him, only wondering what he was thinking at this very moment. Was he thinking that I'm an idiot, or that I'm still his friend? I can never know, and he'll probably never tell me.

"What? How could I hate you? Julia, come on. I could never hate you. You're like my sister that I've never had." He said to me, almost shocked that I said what I said. I paused, "Well, after I told Dylan that I didn't think we should get married, I thought you would be mad at me. I didn't know how you were going to take it. Apparently, you're not that upset." I sighed, leaning on the counter-top.

"Julia, like I said, I can never hate you. Sure, I think you made the wrong choice, but that's your issue, not mine. I can't judge you from that so don't think I will. It didn't interfere with our relationship that we have." He said, swallowing hard, just as I was. I didn't say anything, and just stood there, thinking. I finally said something, "So, uhh, where'd Dylan go? I really need to talk to him." I sighed, swallowing hard again.

"He went to Dad's for the day. He should be back soon, if you want to…"That's when Cole was interrupted by the door opening. We both looked at who it was, and it was Dylan. The two of us got silent, as he walked past the kitchen. He glanced at me, and then quickly looked away. I opened my mouth to say something, as he went up the stairs, but I couldn't get the courage to say it.

If you could have seen his eyes, they were like a summer rain-and I was the one drowning in them, lost and not found.