Emmett:
The One and Only
9:45pm-I'm taking Rosalie out to a late night movie. We haven't been out in ages and there's a double feature playing that I've been dying to see. I was even a gentleman and bought her favorite flowers. Those are always good for extra brownie points with my lady!
11:00pm-For a girl who technically doesn't even need a bathroom, Rosalie sure spends enough time in there. I mean, for God's sake! She could run a rake through her hair and throw on a potato sack and still be the hottest thing this town's ever seen. "Rose, hurry up, would 'ya?"
11:30pm-I was planning on making this a night Rose wouldn't soon forget, but I wish I could forget it now. She is still in that !#$ bathroom! She doesn't even need makeup!
12:00pm-I give up and head downstairs. Maybe there's something on late night TV to zombify me. I love Rose, but sometimes I could ring her beautiful neck.
12:18pm-Rosalie just glided down the stairs to finally grace me with her presence. She acts like nothing's wrong and gets pissed because I'm not ready. What the he?! Ugh! Why do I even bother?
1:00am-Rose and I "made up" after she shouted at me for being so impatient and then pouted when I called her a harpy. She does this all the time. First she gets me all wound up and then drags me off to bed, not that I ever need to be dragged! Sometimes I think she does it on purpose.
2:00am-I told Rosalie that I forgot something out in the Jeep and I should probably go and get it before it goes bad...I'll have to think of something to bring back or she'll figure out I was lying. Truth is..man, I hope no one ever reads this...she's wearing me out! That girl may look all proper on the outside, but don't be fooled, she can get down and dirty better than anyone I ever met. (I hope Rose never reads THAT! Ha!)
2:12am-Surprise! -not- Rose secretly reads my journal. Won't be any rodeos for this cowboy for a long time!
3:00am-Jasper wants to play cards. I swear, I will beat him one of these days, even if it takes me 50 more years to do it.
3:10am-Jasper won. Five out of five. I give up.
"Jasper is the ultimate poker champ! Emmett plays cards worse than a two year old with one hand tied behind his back..."
There Jasper, I said it. Hope your happy...It's not fair.sniff
4:00am-This night can't get much worse. Rosalie locked me out of our room and threatened to disassemble my Jeep if I broke down the door. Then I chased a stray dog out of the garage for Esme and slipped in it's crap on the way back in the house. Good God! How much poo can one beagle possibly hold at one time?!
Enough apparently to cover both my shoes and one whole side of my jeans.
4:05am-I was so, so wrong. It can get much worse. Rose refused to let me in to get some new clothes. Nobody else has anything to fit me and when I tried to climb up and through our bedroom window, Rosalie broke our nightstand over my head. I ask, is that any way for a woman to treat her hubby?
4:10am-Rosalie decided to play nice. She still won't let me in the room, but she did send Alice down with some clothes...hers of course. Ha! Ha! Very funny, Rose. Fuchsia is so not my color.
