Rosalie

A Rose By Any Other Name...

-Friday-

-5:00am-Super Sale beginning at 6 this morning at the mall! If you don't get there when the doors open you'll be hitching a ride in from where you left your car...in Idaho.

-5:30am-Sometimes I wonder what the point is in not killing humans. Especially the really stupid ones. Some jerk cut me off and stole my parking space. He made some comment about being the early bird. I showed him a bird, alright.

-5:45am-Ugh! Finally found a decent parking space, but not as good as the one I lost to Mr. When-I-Come-Out-I'm-Gonna-Find-I-Have-Four-Very-Flat-Tires. Decided I didn't need the lecture about controlling my rage from Carlisle, or the disappointed looks from Esme. Sped away from the crime scene, before anyone was the wiser. I'm sure the guy had pissed off plenty more people besides me.

-6:00am-Came straight home and walked in pouting, hoping Emmett would find some way to cheer me up. I don't know why I bother frequenting the mall anyway. No haute couture there. Maybe I can talk Emmett into a trip to Paris in a month or so. I would try for sooner, but he's not very fond of anything French. He told me once that anyone who considers snails a delicacy has major issues and then he added that the (and I quote) "poor snails should be left to roam free and live in the wild, not made a meal out of". -Like they're some sort of cuddly endangered species or something. It cracks me up that he won't just admit how queasy it makes him. He craves blood and yet he turns green and gags if he even thinks about a slimy food he's never eaten. -snort-

-7:00am-Emmett is zoned out with Alice in front of the television. That thing will rot your brain. I myself prefer to read. Yeah, I know...I'm the pretty, rich blond girl...intelligence is not suppose to be part of the package. I should mark that in the "good reasons to" column on my list of whether or not it's the best idea to remain a vegetarian.

The "good reasons to" side is gathering steam. It's already much loner than the "why I shouldn't" row...I just started the list this morning.

-8:00am-Eww! Saw a mouse or some kind of rodent in the kitchen today. I told Esme it was a bad idea when she decided to keep food in there for Bella.

-2:00pm-Had to check on Alice and Emmett twice in the last six hours to make sure they hadn't turned to stone. They have hardly moved since this morning.

Good God, they're brains must have liquefied! Maybe I should tell Edward to bring Bella by for dessert. We're having Jell-O courtesy of Alice and Emmett's heads.

-3:00pm-The boob tube twins finally freed themselves from the evil grasp of the TV. I asked Alice if she wanted to go to the supermarket with me to buy some gelatin. She said she and Emmett had a project that needed taking care of, but maybe some other time. She never even asked what the I wanted gelatin for.

Yep, her brain is definitely goo.

-4:00pm- The two of them have been locked in Alice's bathroom for an hour. If I even thought that Emmett was remotely attracted to his faux sister, I'd rip the door off the hinges, tear one of his caveman arms out of the socket and beat him profusely with it.

But let's face it, there's never been any female who could compete with me for Emmett's affection. He's putty in my hands.

-4:22pm- I have never been so embarrassed to be Mrs.Rosalie Hale-Cullen.(That's the name on our last marriage certificate...Emmett wasn't crazy about the hyphen!)

Gliding down the stairs came Alice followed nearly as gracefully by Emmett. Or should I say Emma? His hair was under a plastic shower cap. His fingernails and toenails were each painted a different shade of red. And the best part? His radiant beauty was highlighted by the many shades of eyeshadow and rouge Alice had painted on his face. I hated to ask.

-5:00pm- Finally caved and asked what was up with Emmett's killer clown makeover. He muttered something rude and stalked off. Alice explained that he had broken one too many promises to her over the years and today she had decided to call in the enormous favor. Emmett was her wedding planning guinea pig.

By the time I had arrived from the mall escapade this morning she had subjected him to hours of the DIY network, taking mental notes on the latest trends in bridal showers, wedding decor and receptions. She had quizzed him on wedding guest etiquette, and for every question he answered wrong she got to test a beauty product on him.

From the looks of him he hadn't been paying attention during Wedding Planning 101.

-7:30pm-Alice's reign of Terror, as Emmett referred to it, finally ended, but he still had traces of nail polish on his fingers. I know I should let it drop, but he makes the funniest face when I call him Emma. He kept glancing past me into the kitchen. I told him about the creature I spotted in there earlier, and asked him kindly to dispose of it.

-10:41pm-I am never, ever, ever going into the kitchen again. Emmett called me down stairs. I found him standing with the pantry door half open. When I asked what he was doing he said he was preparing to have a "snack". I wondered why in the world he would attempt to eat food. He leaned into the cabinet and then jumped out from behind the door. He grinned playfully at me and popped something into his mouth...

I saw the little pink tail wiggle before he slurped it down like a noodle.

"ESCARGOT!" I screamed at him.

Hope he gets the half chewed mouse barf cleaned up before Esme gets home.

-11:00PM-Plotting some wicked revenge. Pay back's a bitch and her name is Rosalie.