003: WORLD'S MOST DESPISED

Reilkav knew the twins had squealed on him as soon as Vangar caught up with him on the top of the hill. Vangar was so easy to read that he might as well have walked around with a sign with his mood-of-the-day written on it. Today it was apparently 'pissed'.

Well, that came as no surprise to Reilkav. The Valaunt family in general was always pissed. Mostly because all the quiet ones kept out of the way and no one ever noticed them; to the rest of the city, the Valaunt family was entirely made up of Reilkav, Vangar, and Sonovosk.

That, in Reilkav's opinion, just about covered it. Minus Vangar.

"Reil, we gotta talk," Vangar said. It looked like he'd just come off duty; Vangar worked in the city watch. It made for some awkward situations when Vangar had to chase Reil halfway across Prontera in order to arrest him and lose his trail, only to meet him at the dinner table back home. Usually it resulted in a lot of awkward staring, and ended in Maruken banging their heads together before someone died.

"If this is about Korch and Chavsk--" Reilkav started.

"It is."

"--then you can shove it up your ass."

Vangar grimaced, sighed, and ran a hand through his hair. "Listen, Reil, just 'cause you got a sword doesn't mean you absolutely have to whack people with it."

Reilkav stared at him incredulously, tongue held between his teeth. "What? Whatelse is a sword good for? I thought the whole goddamn point was to--"

"You use it for self-protection. Not for beating your little brothers around the head," Vangar said.

Reilkav snorted and rolled his eyes to show exactly what he thought of that. Well, at least Vangar had saved the shit about protecting-the-innocent for someone who'd swallow it. Not even Maruken believed that crap, and you could preach almost anything at Maruken and get him to nod along.

Reilkav thought this over, then said, "I used it for self-protection against the stupid?"

Vangar swung his fist Reilkav's way, but Reilkav had the good sense to duck.

"Fucktard," spat Vangar. "Chavsk's smarter than you are."

"And what's the goddamn use? Listen, the only time I'd ever thank Mother for giving birth to Chavsk would be during a goddamn famine and even then we'd probably eat Maruken first--"

"I beg to differ, personally I'd vote that we throw you into the firepit before anyone else, that way at least we won't have to listen to your bitching--"

"Oho, fuck you!"

And everything went downhill from there. That was the way things usually went, with Reilkav and Vangar. It was also usually the way most things went when Vangar shoved Reilkav off his feet. And it was most definitely the way things went when Reilkav latched on to Vangar's arm at the same time and they were standing at the top of a very steep hill.

Reilkav was five foot two and skinny enough that he didn't look much different from the things that staggered around the Payon Caves (and, in fact, when they were twelve and their father took them there, Maruken had turned right around and knocked Reilkav unconscious. Then again, apparently Maruken had also attempted to do the very same to Vangar right afterwards, so Reilkav wasn't quite sure that that had anything to do with Reilkav's appearance).

Therefore, Reilkav was entirely sure that the painful trip all the way down the hill was not his fault. The other factor contributing to this conclusion was the fact that one, Vangar was a hell of a lot taller, and two, Vangar was wearing shit. Very. Heavy. (Metallic.) Shit.

Therefore, it was rather unfortunate that when they finally rolled to a halt, Reilkav found himself trapped under his younger brother in all his armored glory.

"Your ass is in my face!" Reilkav roared, classifying this as a very dire situation.

"Trust me, that's my face in your fucking face--"

"Not much difference! Smells the--"

And it was about then, Reilkav thought, that Vangar lost his patience.

The next thing Reilkav knew was suddenly being about eight feet taller but heading very quickly towards something that might have been the ground, although he couldn't quite tell due to the speed at which he was hurtling through the air.

He believed he had about two seconds left of life.
So he made good use of it.

"GOD FUCKING DAMMIT, I WILL SEE THIS SWORD SHOVED UP YOUR ASS IF IT'S THE LAST--"

The last thing he saw was the ground suddenly shifting and a grayish thing rising up--

----------------------

It was at times like these, Feharan thought miserably, that he wished he still had normal human reactions. At least that way he could have ducked and avoided all this sewing-arm-back-on-after-getting-hit-by-screaming-swordsman-going-at-a-thousand-miles-a-hour business. It was his right arm, too. That was rather unfortunate, because Feharan didn't quite trust his left hand to do anything more than hang at his side.

"Holy fuck, I think he killed me," the swordsman groaned from about five feet behind him. Feharan squinted. He was pretty sure the thing trapped between the swordsman and the ground was his right arm. He probably needed that back, didn't he?

Feharan frowned. "Not quite," he pointed out, and was about to ask for his arm, but then the swordsman snapped at him to 'shut up and let me die in peace'.

Feharan scratched his head and began to look for his shovel. Eventually his search led him to gingerly step over the swordsman's body -- still alive, he noted -- where he spotted the tool laying about three feet away. He was about to go and collect it when he felt a hand wrap around his ankle and yank.

"YOU GIANT ASSHOLE, DON'T THINK YOU'RE--ohshitwaityou'renotVangarwhattheflyingfuck--"

----------------------

"Okay," Vangar said, exceedingly slowly.

He pointed at himself. "This. This is Vangar. Vangar Valaunt. He is your brother. Sadly. By some colossal mistake of Nature. You are allowed to hit him, because he will not stand for that shit and you will find your body ripped up in all sorts of creative appreciable Artsy-with-a-capital-A ways, possibly put on display all over Prontera for the general public's enjoyment."

He took a breath, and then proceeded to jab his finger at Feharan, who was unsuccessfully attempting to pick up one of his two arms with his feet.

"That. That is Feharan. He is not your brother. Luckily. You are not allowed to hit him, much less rip off both his arms, because now you have landed the two of us in a shitty situation."

Reilkav frowned at him, and apparently gave this information some very thorough analysis.

Then he dubiously asked, "And that shitty situation would be...the fact that you're not dead yet, right?"

Vangar tried to hit him, but Reilkav bared his teeth and snapped at Vangar's fist. Vangar decided he'd much rather not contract rabies, and pulled back before contact could be made.

"No, now we have to..." Vangar glanced over at Feharan. Thus far, the local Pronteran zombie hadn't been paying them any attention at all, preoccupied with the misery caused by the loss of both arms and the fact that he couldn't dig anymore. In addition to that, from what Vangar had seen so far, Feharan seemed to be just about as smart as Maruken. But still, some tact had to be taken. Maruken might be huge and invincible, but at least he could still be killed. On the other hand, Feharan was a zombie.

"...take care of his arms," Vangar finished, awkwardly. What he wanted to add was 'and we better do it fast, before Father comes back home, because Father won't like having maggots all over the carpet'.

But Reilkav wasn't listening. Instead he'd walked over to Feharan, who had ceased the sad struggle of attempting to pick up his arms and instead resorted to staring at them in dejection.

"Hey, can I borrow one of these?" Reilkav asked innocently. As innocently as Reilkav could ever get.

"Sure," Feharan said, sounding pitifully sad.

"Thanks." Reilkav took the left arm, turned it over in his hands, frowned, and then walked back to Vangar.

"I am so not fucking helping you sew those back on," Vangar hissed, low enough that Feharan couldn't hear. "You're the one who did everything."

Again, Reilkav took some time to process this information thoroughly. Vangar could practically see the gears in his head turning. Very slowly. Fighting against a lifetime of rust.

Then Reilkav responded by whacking Vangar over the head with the zombie's arm.


Author: look, look, not dead yet! and now you will have to wait another five years for the next chapter, huh ;; I actually found the beginning of this chapter sitting around in my hard drive as I was cleaning things out, and liked it enough to finish it...

fsghhsghgsl please ignore any wordmashes OH FFNET I HATE YOU SO