Author's Note

Here are the three ways I have heard this verse. This is the third way...

...Now I lay me down to sleep; I pray the Lord my soul to keep; If I die before I wake; I pray the Lord my soul to take

...Now I lay me down to sleep; I pray the Lord my soul to keep; See me safely through the night; And wake me with the morning light

...Now I lay me down to sleep; I pray the Lord my soul to keep; When in the morning light I wake; Teach me the path of love to take

When in the morning light I wake


Lucy watched Bobby drift off to sleep on the couch. Before they had left the hospital, Lucy had taken the time to talk with one of the nurses about what to expect in the first few days. The nurse had smiled and said that Lucy should probably expect him to be absolutely loopy on the pain meds or extremely grumpy from being in a lot of pain. The nurse had mentioned it takes about 48 hours to figure out the right balance of activity, rest, eating, and medication before you are able to even consider feeling human again.

She thought about what Bobby had said, about not needing her, about not wanting to need her. He had been sitting on the couch looking stubborn and in a lot of pain when Annie had called. He had practically yelled at her to answer her cell phone, she was going to let it roll into voice mail, but it occurred to her that the unanswered ringing of the phone was probably bothering him. So, she had answered.

Lucy had to change some plans around she had with Annie, and she had thanked her friend for understanding. Annie had asked about Bobby, and had expressed how glad she was that he was Ok. Lucy hadn't realized how relieved she was until Annie had actually said the words, so Lucy had responded with a simple "me too", and Lucy was surprised her voice had broken a little as she had said the words. She really was relieved that Bobby was going to be Ok.

After Lucy had hung up from her brief phone call with Annie, she had returned to the couch where Bobby was sitting to try to convince him to lie down. The doctor had said it was important to try to take full breaths, and that was difficult sometimes sitting up. Lucy could tell the pain medicine was starting to have an effect, Bobby was still scowling, but his eyes were heavily lidded and a bit less in focus, and his speech was slowed.

I don't need you. I don't want to need you. She thought about his words, and how difficult it must be for him to need someone. He had created a life for himself where he didn't have to rely on anyone. When she had met him, he had almost completely isolated himself from connections with other people, save for his partner Eames. His mother was dead, he said he wished his brother was dead, the nephew that had rushed into his life was gone, and then there was the whole horrible uncertainty about his paternity. His life was spiraling sideways, and he was barely coasting.

She sat down on the coffee table watching him for a moment, watching the rise and fall of his chest, watching his brow furrow slightly in his sleep as he struggled with the pain associated with breathing. She closed her eyes and put her head in her hands, thinking about her own life. She hadn't really mentioned this to anyone, but often when she closed her eyes, she flashed back to standing in the stairwell with Justin Kemp crushing her windpipe. She was shaking, coughing for air, her eyes on Bobby, on Bobby's gun, her thoughts on the gun that Kemp had pressed to her temple. She was thinking don't shoot, God help me, please don't shoot. And, she wasn't sure who she was thinking about, she didn't want Bobby to shoot Kemp, she didn't want Kemp to shoot her.

Lucy sighed deeply, realizing her hands were shaking. She sat up, placing her hands on her lap. She looked at her fingers, long, slender, not getting younger. She looked at her left hand where an engagement ring should be, but wasn't. Only Annie noticed that sometimes she would wear the ring, other times not. When she had gone to California to visit Emil, she had accepted his proposal. He loved her. He brought butterflies to her heart. She wanted that, she wanted love, and family, and home.

Lucy looked again at Bobby, watching him sleep. She thought about something Annie tended to say about how people make you feel in your heart. Annie had a theory that some people make your heart flutter and some people make your heart stand still. Annie claimed those were two very different things. Annie also thought that some people were looking for someone to make their heart flutter, while others were looking for someone who made their heart stand still. Annie accused Lucy of being a flutterer. That Lucy had this incredibly stabile, loving life, and she was looking for someone who made her heart flutter with a love that was new and exciting. And, Annie thought that maybe people whose life was not so certain or so stabile tended to look for people who made their heart stand still with the certainty that they were loved.

After all of the years she had been with him, Emil still brought butterflies to her heart. Lucy had never known someone that made her heart stand still. That is, she had never known someone until perhaps now. Lucy wondered if the fluttery feeling was because something was uncertain. Maybe she really wanted someone that made her heart stand still. In a lot of ways, Lucy felt Emil was her opposite. He was extroverted, externalized. She was attracted to him because he brought something that was different. She knew this was why her heart fluttered. Emil was new, unexpected, and sometimes unfathomable. She looked at Bobby, here was someone that was familiar to her, she knew what he was thinking and he knew what she was thinking without always saying.

Lucy closed her eyes again, rubbing the heels of her hands lightly across her eyelids. Again, an image of Justin Kemp leapt into her mind, the loud explosion of the gun, blood splattering everywhere, wet against her face. She shivered and felt sick. She had nightmares, reoccurring. She could feel Justin Kemp's body hit the floor, his life gone, and she would run down the stairs, free, but still panicked, trying to get away. In her dream she would be running through the dark, toward someone, someplace that was safe, that was home, sometimes it would be Emil, but increasingly she realized it was Bobby.

Lucy looked outside. It was one of those strange evenings where the sunset actually looked more like the morning light of a sunrise. The light through the clouds was exploding into an array of yellows, oranges, and reds. It was spectacular - more like a new day, than the dimming of a day.


A/N: One more line/chapter (for this part of the story anyway :) - Teach me the path of love to take…