Christmas of 2008

„Mom, are you coming? We can't wait forever!" Eric's young voice woke 39 old Lily van der Woodsen from her dreams of the past.
One look in the mirror showed how much these memories had affected her. Why did Christmas alway make her feel so damn sentimental? She couldn't complain. She had been engaged to Bart Bass for one year now – who would have thought that she would get married? Bart was pushing her to set a date. Lily kept postponing it, she feared she had made the wrong decision.

Lily thought back at her marriage with William, who had given her two adorable children , 17 year old Serena and 15 year old Eric. However, they had experienced more lows than highs. She wasn't as happy as she had been with Rufus.

Lily managed an afflicted smile as she thought back at her last encounter with Rufus at the begining of the year. She wanted to enjoy their love for at least one day. Although she hurt him by accepting Bart's proposal, Rufus hadn't lost his composure.
Why did she allow Serena to talk her into it? She was still happy with Rufus' son Dan and the thought that they could become brother and sister had forced Serena to press her mother to make this decision.

Serena wasn't happy to be the sister of unpopular Chuck. But she had Dan Humphrey who was very mature for his age and who would always be a comfort to her.
Lily however, felt lonely and empty, although she had a big family.

"Mom, are you dreaming again? Come on, let's go to the Palace. Bart and...this little gnome are waiting!"

"Don't talk like that. He's your brother, Serena!" Lily struggled to keep a straight face and hide her pain.

"He's just my...Mom, are you alright? Your eyes are moist!"

"It's just my allergy. We should fire the cleaning lady. The Palace is cleaner than Bart's place!"

"Mom, you're going to be a Bass soon. I heard that you're finally getting married. Though there are better guys than..."

Serena bit her tongue until it bled. Lily gave her a look which made clear that she could have chosen a better man – if only it hadn't been for them.

Without losing one more word, Lily left the house, followed by her children, holding their heads down. It was their first Christmas with their new step father and their new step brother Chuck and none of them was looking forward to it. They wanted to celebrate Christmas with the lovely Humphreys...

While there was silence in the car, Serena and Eric gave each other meaningful looks. They could feel how unhappy their mother was and Serena finally started to feel guilty. It was all her fault, maybe there would have been another solution which would have made everybody happy.
Lily's cell phone rang and the name 'Rufus' appeared for the first time in months. She hesitated but when she saw Serena smiling and nodding, she accepted the call. Rufus put the phone down and played and sang a song well known to her.
Lily started crying, but this time she was not ashamed of her tears. It was HER song, the song Rufus had written for her for Christmas in '85. It was called 'Lovely Lily'. Listening to his guitar and his warm voice, put Lily back on cloud nine again. It was the best Christmas presents Rufus could have given to her.

"Lily, even if you will be lost to me forever soon, I will always have you in my heart. I will never love another woman like I love you! I couldn't give Alison the love she deserved, but I'm glad I have Dan and Jenny.
Merry Christmas, Lily. I will always love you!"

"Rufus..." Desparately, Lily van der Woodsen tried to talk to him, but he had hung up. She wanted to turn back time, but she couldn't. Suddenly, she felt Serena touching her hand. She looked into her daughter's wonderful blue eyes and saw understanding, love, regret and guilt. Finally, Serena spoke:

"Mom, I'm sorry. But it's not too late! Let's celebrate Christmas with the Bass family –but then you have to tell them that you love only one man – Rufus Humphrey."

"But Serena..." Lily couldn't believe her ears and although she wanted to follow her daughter's plan she was scared of the consequences. She knew that Bart could ruin her socially – no member of the bass family would let himself be humiliated. It wasn't that important, anyway. All these years she had led her life in luxury, but had she been happy? A Lily who was a stranger to herself?
Much to her surprise, her youngest, Eric gave her his blessing, too. She had never been so proud of her kids.

"I really don't know how to thank you, children. I know it's not easy for you, Serena, but..."

"It's ok Mom. Dan and I will be happy, no matter what the others think. Gossip girls all over the world can talk, we will be fine. Mom, I'm so sorry for what I said. Bart really isn't right for you. Rufus is the man of your dreams and Dan is the man of my dreams. We're not blood related, so everything is ok!"

The blonde beauties hugged in the car and Eric was smiling. Who knew how long they would be enjoying the luxury of a big car? But wasn't love and happiness more important?

Lily was touched when her kids wanted to know about her and Rufus' story. In her thoughts she happily went back to Christmas of '85 which she spent alone with Rufus, totally in love.
Christmas of '85 was special to Lily Rhodes as Rufus turned the young girl into a woman.