A/N- Prepare to be shaking with laughter, it's the next installment of Warriors Driving Lessons! And now…Jaypaw wants to learn!
A/N2- Warning- lots of dialogue ahead! Oh and I tried to put symbols for the happy face but it wont let me, sorry.
Disclaimer- I don't own warriors & I've just borrowed the characters. I'll return them when my mates stop hitting them and give them back
–looks over at friends-
Oi! You lot! Stop it okay?! Don't make me go over there! Now give Firestar back!
–friends look glum & hand over Firestar-
Good. Now have a lollipop.
-friends eyes widen with glee-
Now, let's get on with the story!
Jaypaw's Lesson
This was it, the lesson Millie had been dreading. She watched as Jaypaw finished talking with Hollypaw and walked over. His face had a warning look on it. Millie shuddered, glad he couldn't see the look of trepidation on her face. He stopped a foxlength away from her and meowed,
"Now, don't treat me like a kit, okay?"
"Don't worry, I won't." replied Millie.
Jaypaw nodded and said,
"Can I learn the road signs first?"
Millie looked puzzled.
"But you can't see them!"
Jaypaw just gave her a look that said, Duh?
"I have to learn them anyway." he replied.
Millie just sighed and said,
"Okay then here we go."
She opened up her highway code book and said,
"What does this mean? It's a sign that has 20 written on it."
"Maximum speed limit 20 mph." replied Jaypaw, "Obviously."
"Good." meowed Millie, "So what's this one? It says STOP on it."
Jaypaw merely gave her an exasperated look.
"Stop. That's so obvious it's like a mouse running up to you, jumping into your mouth and yelling 'Eat me!'."
Millie sighed and turned the page on her clipboard.
"Okay, how about this? It says LOL."
"LOL? That's not a proper road sign!"
"Yes but you'll have to know it. I've had to put it up along our practice track. It means- 'Look Out- Lake!'."
This time, it was Jaypaw who sighed.
"Alright. So what's the next one?"
Millie turned the page again.
"Next one is, ROFL. We'll probably only have to put this up after lightning."
Jaypaw's face looked blank.
"Fine then. It means- 'Road On Fire- Leave!'."
Jaypaw groaned.
"So what incredibly stupid sign is next?"
Millie gave him a stern look and meowed,
"Next up is the symbol with the colon and bracket that Hollypaw uses in all her texts, remember?"
"Oh. The happy face."
"Yep."
"Well I haven't got a clue what you've made it mean."
"Fine. I'll tell you. Again. It means- 'Bend around two trees ahead'."
Jaypaw slapped his forehead and groaned. Millie ignored it and continued,
"The next one is the one with the colon, a dash and then the bracket. The other one that Hollypaw uses."
Jaypaw nodded but didn't say anything. After a moment, Millie sighed and said,
"Well that means- 'Bend around two trees and a bench ahead'."
Jaypaw unsheathed his claws and dug them into the ground. Millie simply carried on, desperate to get through these and onto the driving quickly. But then, on second thoughts, maybe not.
"Well, the penultimate one is-"
"What does penultimate mean?"
"It means second-to-last."
"Well that's just stupid."
"Shut up."
"No."
"Anyway. The PENULTIMATE road sign is BTW. Any idea what it means?"
Jaypaw gave her a sneering look and replied,
"I know this one. Cinderpaw told me. She saw it during her driving lesson. It means Badgers To Whack."
Millie nodded, surprised.
"That's right! Now, last one. It says OMG."
"Well, OMS would be Oh My Starclan, but I haven't got any ideas about this one."
"At least you're trying. It means 'Orrible Muddy Ground'."
Jaypaw burst out laughing.
"That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard!"
Millie lost her patience. She grabbed him by the tail and dragged him to the monster. She opened the door and flung him inside, strapping him into the driver's seat.
"Now drive!" she ordered.
Jaypaw was sick of this. He decided to get his own back. He felt for the ignition key and, when he found it, turned it. He the slammed his foot on the accelerator pedal and, because he couldn't see, went careering off into the undergrowth.
Millie was once again flung onto the back seat. When she finally got back to the front, she yelled,
"You're going the wrong way!"
"I can't see, duh?"
"Turn around!"
"No!"
Millie screamed as they headed for a tree. There was a loud THUD! as they drove past it, losing the wing mirror on one side. Jaypaw sped over a tree root at 120mph and the monster flew into the air. It hit the ground again with a thud that sent Millie flying up into the roof. She dropped again like a stone.
She finally climbed back into the seat and looked up again in time to see them drive past a sign reading LOL.
Millie screamed again.
The monster sped over a boulder and, with an almighty SPLASH!, finished up in the lake.
"You are NEVER driving again!" yelled Millie.
They finally recovered the monster two days later. It then took Stormfur three weeks to fix it back to working order. Millie had been very pleased. Three weeks of only theory lessons.
Bliss.
A/N- The next learner driver is…-drum roll-… duh duh duh duh! Greystripe!
