Chapter 8 – There For You
Stephen waved goodbye to Nick as he drove off down the street; he then turned and followed Abby up the stairs to her flat. He pulled the door shut and leant against the wall, his arms crossed over his chest as he watched Abby move around the flat, checking on Rex first and letting the dinosaur out and then moving around her other creatures. She'd been tense and withdrawn since she'd spoken to that man earlier before they went into the office block; he saw her wince as she stretched her arm too far and irritated her injury. He walked over to her and placed a hand on her shoulder, turning her around to look at him.
'Let me see,' he said, bringing her arm up and pushing the sleeve of her jumper up. He was surprised when Abby pulled her arm away sharply and took a few steps back.
'I'm fine,' she snapped; Stephen watched as she quickly built a wall up around her and wondered what had happened to make her so withdrawn all of a sudden.
'Abby what's wrong?' he asked her as she walked away from him and put a snake's cage between them.
'Nothing,' she replied, not looking up at him but down at the snake she was feeding. Stephen sighed, wondering how to bridge this gap between them; he watched her feed the rest of her reptiles, uneasiness growing inside him as each minute passed.
'Abby, talk to me!' he pleaded as she headed for the stairs. She paused a few steps up and turned to face him.
'What about?' she asked. Stephen sighed in frustration and walked closer to her, noticing her tense up slightly.
'You know what about, Abby,' he told her, placing a hand on her shoulder.
'What if I don't want to talk about it? What if I just want to forget about it?' she snapped, walking another two steps up, just out of his reach.
'How can you forget about it if you just let it sit in the back of your mind? Trust me Abby, keeping it bottled up doesn't help,' he told her, wondering if she'd let him help her.
'You mean just like you did with Helen?' she snapped; as soon as it had left her mouth Abby wanted to take the words back. She saw the pain fly across Stephen's face to be replaced by an expressionless mask that she'd never seen on his face before; she wished she hadn't been the one to put it there. His eyes went suddenly cold and Abby felt fear like she hadn't felt for over a year sweep over her as he walked up the few steps that separated them; he placed a hand either side of her head and looked into her eyes.
'You have no idea about any of that; what I went through with not telling Nick what happened, and what happened before that,' he told her, Abby tried to back away but the wall had her trapped between it and Stephen. Suddenly she felt old fear and desperation grasp her and she pushed Stephen away from her and tried to get up the stairs but she slipped, putting her hands out to break her fall as she felt tears start to come to her eyes.
'Abby!'
She turned around and propped herself up on her elbows, trying to get to her feet and get up the stairs at the same time. She felt Stephen take hold of her arms and tried to push him off.
'Abby, look at me!'
She stopped struggling and did as he asked, looking at him with wide eyes; she could feel herself trembling slightly.
'Let go,' she said, voice cracking slightly.
'Abby-'
'Stephen, let go!' she looked at him for a few seconds, 'Please.'
It was the vulnerable tone in her voice and the fear in her eyes that made him let go of her arms and sit back on the stairs, he heard Abby do the same a few steps above him; he turned to look at her. She was hunched up against the wall, her knees brought up to her chest; her whole body was turned towards the wall and he couldn't understand what he'd done to make her like this.
'Abby-'
'I'm sorry... I didn't think I just... I didn't want to... I'm sorry...' she said, not turning away from the wall.
'Me too,' he said, silence stretched out for what felt like an eternity, 'Do want a drink?'
It was more to break the silence and give him something to do; he got up and started to walk back down the stairs.
'I was engaged once,' she said quietly; Stephen froze and turned to face her again, 'About a year and a half before I met you. It... it didn't end well...'
Stephen went to sit on the step next to her, placing a hand on her shoulder; he didn't want to force her into contact if she didn't want to, considering how she'd been only a few moments ago he doubted she wanted full contact, but he made sure she knew he was there. Abby turned away from the wall to look at him and he saw tears falling down her cheeks; it took all his self restraint not to pull her into his arms.
'The man I was talking to earlier, before we went into the office block... that was... that was my ex-fiancée's best friend... he told me Tom was coming out of prison next month and... it scared me... Stephen he-'
'Shh,' unable to resist any longer Stephen pulled her into his arms, cradling her head against his chest. What had happened to her to make this usually strong, bright woman into a vulnerable, fearful girl? He picked her up and carried her down onto the sofa and then sat with her in his lap, wondering how he could take away all the pain.
'You know I'm here to listen if you want me to,' he told her after a few moments, he felt her nod against his chest.
'But only when you want to. I won't try to force you into telling me anything again, Abby.'
'Thank you,' she whispered, burying her face into the crook of his neck. After a few moments of silence she spoke again.
'You want to know why I chose to live with animals instead of looking for another person to share my life with? It was because the animals were the only ones who wouldn't let me down,' she told him, 'They can't hurt you the way people can.'
She sat up and turned, sliding off his lap to sit on the sofa and stare at a patch of the wooden floor.
'I met my first proper boyfriend in sixth form,' she said, 'We went out for almost two years, and then I found out he'd been sleeping with my best friend behind my back for four months. I had a boyfriend in university but we broke up just before I left to work at the zoo, one of my relationships that actually ended on a good note,' she smiled sourly, 'I'd been working at the zoo for about six months by the time I met Michael, he'd come with a school visit and we'd got talking. We were together for about a year and then I... I found out he was engaged to someone else. The business trips up to Scotland had been to see his future wife, telling her he was on business trips when he was down with me. It was a year later I met Tom and a year after that we got engaged...'
Abby trailed off and Stephen placed a hand on her shoulder, she moved back to lean against him but she still stared at a patch of the floor.
'What-'
'We were a month into our engagement when he started to get... physical... At first it was just the odd punch or slap, something he quickly covered by saying it was an accident. Hugging me, kissing me, promising he wouldn't do it again. It slowly started to get worse, especially if he got drunk. Then... something happened and he lashed out... really lashed out. I was around his flat and he hit me... beat me... ' Stephen tightened his hold on her subconsciously, his mind was still trying to catch up with what she was telling him, 'I don't know how long it went on for but eventually he left to go see some friends... I don't know how long I lay on the floor, wondering when he was going to get back, how long he'd been gone. Eventually I managed to crawl to the door and into the hallway. I went to the flat across from him and knocked on the door. I don't remember much except a woman opening the door and calling for someone to call an ambulance. He's been in prison ever since and I moved in here when Jo moved out to America. She was the one who'd opened the door. She had been visiting her sister and she came and checked on me when I was in the hospital; she's letting me house sit for her whilst she's out in America sorting out things... she said it gave me a chance to start over, because Tom or any of his mates wouldn't know where I lived.'
Stephen had pulled her closer to him and was running his thumb up and down her uninjured arm; he felt the tell tale bump of a scar and looked down at her arm. Abby followed his line of sight.
'I was lucky to get away with just that one scar,' she commented dryly. After a few seconds she looked up at Stephen, apprehensive about what his reaction would be, and shivered when she saw the anger in his eyes. He wasn't angry at her was he? She watched as he visibly tried to keep his emotions in check.
'I'm sorry...' she mumbled; Stephen looked at her in surprise.
'What for?' he asked her, 'You've got nothing to be sorry about. Abby, it's a miracle you can be so bubbly and happy all the time when you've been through all this. It's a miracle you can trust men at all...' he paused for a few seconds, looking back down at the scar along her right forearm and rubbing it with his thumb. 'I can't promise that I won't hurt you, Abby, I know I'll probably say things at times to make you hate me, but I can promise you to never hurt you like that; and I swear I'll kill anyone who tries.'
Abby looked up into his eyes and she knew he meant every word. She placed a hand on the side of his face and smiled weakly up at him.
'Thank you,' she said, letting her hand trail down to rest on his chest, 'I'm sorry I said what I did... I just... it came out before I could think...'
'It's fine,' he said, continuing to run his thumb over the thin scar on her arm. She rested her head on his chest, beside where her hand was resting.
'No it's not,' she said, 'It hurt you, I know it did, Stephen. You were right I didn't know anything about it and I shouldn't have brought it up.'
After a few moments of silence Abby took a breath and, finding her courage, asked, 'What happened? When you...'
'When I had the affair with Helen you mean?' he asked; Abby nodded, wondering if she'd crossed the line when the silence stretched out.
'I'd been going to see her after all the lectures had finished for the day for about two months, just to chat about what we were covering and some theories that were cropping up. I was getting extra help with my course. I'd been going out with a girl, Sophie, for... well since we both started at University, and then... she'd played me. She'd been going out when I'd been talking with Helen and sleeping with other guys. She played me for a fool, and the worst bit was I still thought I loved her after everything she'd done...'
Abby moved her arm down to circle his waist, holding him as he spent a few moments collecting his thoughts.
'It was a week into our argument... Sophie and I had been at each other's throats about it and it didn't seem to be anywhere near ending when Helen came to my room. She was crying and asked if she could speak to me. She seemed... a lot older than she had earlier and she started telling me about how Nick was mistreating her more than ever and how they'd just had a big fight. I listened to her and... I believed her, it was only when I met Nick after she'd disappeared that I realised how wrong she'd been about him...'
(Flashback)
Stephen looked across the room as Helen continued crying silently. He just didn't know what to say to her; it wasn't like he was the best person at relationships... look what had happened with Sophie. Helen laughed slightly and looked at him, wiping her eyes with her hands.
'Look at me,' she said, 'Crying my eyes out and talking about my troubles when you've got far worse troubles than me.'
Stephen shook his head, 'It's nothing.'
Helen gave him a disbelieving look and reached out to turn off the main light switch, leaving the only light coming from the table light he used when he was doing his work. She stood up and walked over to where he sat on the bed; Stephen frowned in confusion.
'You're sweet, Stephen,' she told him, bending down, 'It's a pity there's not more men like you in this world.'
Before he could say anything Helen had covered his lips with hers; he was so surprised he forgot to try and stop Helen from pushing him back down onto the bed.
'You know Sophie always was a stupid girl,' Helen muttered, 'She let someone like you go.'
For the past week Stephen had been berating himself for thinking that he deserved the attention of anyone, especially when he felt that his work, and conserving the planet, should be more important than his own personal life. But here was someone who wanted to be with him, someone who seemed to care about him...
'I always loved you're idealism and... attentiveness... especially when I'm telling you what Nick's really like...'
Somehow his logical mind was rebelling against how wrong this was, how he shouldn't be doing this, and just seemed to grasp onto the fact that someone said they loved him...
Stephen stirred a while later, blearily opening his eyes and noticing Helen pulling on her boots on the end of the bed.
'Where are you going?' he asked blearily. Helen turned to look at him, running a hand down his bare chest; the look in his eyes made Stephen feel very self conscious and he sat up, backing away from her slightly and very thankful that the sheets had at least half of him covered.
'I shouldn't tell Nick about this if I were you,' she said, 'He'll make sure you lose any chance of finishing your degree. He'll probably stop you getting the type of job you wanted as well.'
Stephen frowned, 'You wouldn't help me? You've got as much voice as he has.'
Helen gave him a smile, one that he couldn't quite place the emotion behind it.
'Tonight was fun Stephen, just what I needed but... you're sweet, but I have more important things to worry about than a student with crazy ideas, a sense of idealism that is bordering unrealistic, and who supports theories with very little basis like my husband's. Thank you, Stephen, you've been a wonderful... lover... but I... maybe one day we could be together.'
Stephen couldn't believe what he was hearing.
'But... I thought...'
'What? What did you think Stephen?'
He just looked away, he didn't want to give this cold, taunting Helen the satisfaction of seeing any of the hurt that would definitely be showing in his eyes. Helen kissed his cheek, running a hand down his chest that Stephen hit away.
'Now don't be like that...' she seemed to think for a few moments, 'How far would you be willing to go to be with me Stephen?'
He looked at her, looked into her eyes as much as he could in the dim light, and thought he saw compassion and love there, 'I'd do anything for you.'
'I'll remember that... and possibly hold you to it,' she replied before standing up and walking to the door.
'Maybe you should give more credit to what Sophie says about you,' she commented, a final blow to his tattered emotions, before leaving the room and closing the door behind her. Stephen turned and slammed his hand into the wall; he gasped as pain shot up his arm, he'd left a dent in the wall he'd have to fix and his hand was now bleeding. He cradled the bruised hand to his chest before falling back onto his pillow, emotionally exhausted, and falling asleep. Tears of rejection, pain, and self loathing slowly soaking into the pillow.
(End Flashback)
Abby watched Stephen's face with growing disbelief. Helen had done that to him? Sleeping with him when he'd just had his heart broken by a girl he trusted and then calling the night 'fun'. If Abby had thought Helen was a bitch before it was nothing to what she thought of the woman now. She saw Stephen trying to hold back his emotions, but not enough for her not to notice the tears welling in the corner of his eyes. She put a hand to his face and turned it so he was looking into her eyes.
'There's nothing I really agree with Helen about, Stephen,' she told him, 'But I have to agree with her when she said it's a pity there's not more men like you in this world. Whatever else she said, whatever else she made you believe or think, just listen and believe this: you are one of the kindest, bravest, most loyal people I have ever met, and I'm glad I have met you.'
Stephen looked at Abby in awe, and eventually she smiled and pulled him closer.
'Come here you,' she said, pressing her lips to his, comforting him in ways words couldn't. When they pulled apart Stephen looked down at her, pressing a kiss to her forehead as the tears he had been fighting to hold back broke free. Abby pulled him closer, holding onto him as she felt her own tears leaking from her eyes. They stayed like that, both holding the other in joint support of the other, and the need for comfort from the other. He knew there were things she hadn't told him, but he knew they'd have to left for another day; there were reasons she was holding back and he wouldn't push her. The things they'd told each other, the pasts they'd shared, had managed to bring them closer together and he knew, when the time was right, he'd be able to tell her what he'd been afraid to for so many months.
A/N: Well here it is, another chapter finished. Thank you to my reviewers, I hope you got the replies I sent you, I thought it was more personal than doing it at the end of each chapter, and it also means I can reply straight away!
Was the first episode great or did I dream it? Can't wait for the next one! Although I am a little worried at the lack of Stabby so far this series... I have a bad feeling that Abby might end up with Connor...
But enough of the possibilities of lost pairings... it's too depressing... Thank you to all my readers, and a special thank you to my reviewers!
Next chapter focuses more on Nick and Connor... possibly with Abby at the zoo as well for the meeting with Abby's new boss!
Please review on this chapter... I want to know what you think about Abby and Stephen... did I ruin their characters with their pasts, should I burn and rewrite the chapter or was it okay? PLEASE review because if you didn't like it I'll alter bits you didn't like because this will come up again later in the story... a lot later but it does come up.
Ciao for now
Starsword
