Chapter 5: There Are HOW MANY OF US LEFT?!?!?! The Hunt For Hidan's Head Is Propsed
Pein was pissed off. Here he was, hosting the first meeting since he finally killed Jerk-aya, and yet nobody but Konan, Pein, Pein, Pein, Pein, and Pein had showed up!
"Where the FUCK is everybody!" yelled Pein angrily.
"OOOH! Tobi knows where he is! Wanna know? Wanna? WANNA?!?!?" shouted Tobi as he stormed into the meeting room.
"TOBI! Where have you been!" asked Pein angrily.
"Tobi was busy watching nickelodeon!" yelled Tobi. He than started to pivot in place, while murmuring "And he lives in a pineapple under the sea…"
"GAAAAH! SHUT UP AND SIT DOWN! WHERE ARE THE OTHERS!" roared Pein.
"They're taking too long." Said Konan.
"I think one of 'em died again." Said Pein.
"Tobi hopes not! Although if one dies, Tobi hopes it's Big Pein." Tobi pointed at one of the Peins, quivering. "He scares me."
Big Pein began advancing menacingly towards Tobi until Itachi and Kisame arrived at the meeting.
"Sorry we're late, but I got lost in the woods, and it took me a day to find Kisame." Said Itachi.
"There's GOTTA be a better way for you to be guided," said Kisame, tugging angrily at his collar. "Can't we get you a dog or something?"
"I hate dogs." Said Itachi.
"Well, at least I managed to kidnap that kid before we left." Said Kisame, taking Udon (snot nose kid) out of his sack.
"Uhhhhhh……Let me go." Said Udon.
"No!" Said Kisame, as he hooked Udon up to his collar.
"Now, it's your job to guide this notorious serial murderer around. If you ever screw up, he'll probably torture you for days." Said Kisame calmly. Udon wet his pants just as Zetsu arrived.
"Man, I've got the munchies." Said White Zetsu.
"Me too…" murmured Black Zetsu. They than noticed Udon. "Yay! Lunch. Awww… You guys are so thoughtful!" Said Black Zetsu. He grabbed Udon and promptly devoured him.
"FUCK! Now I have to wear the collar again! Thanks, Zetsu!" Said Kisame angrily.
"That kid tasted like snot." Said both Zetsus.
"ZETSU! What took you so long!" yelled Pein.
"Yeah…I got captured by Konoha, and it took four hours of getting Ibiki stoned before he was wasted enough to let one of my arms go… Long story short…" Zetsu held up his thumbs. Each thumb had a hole about as big as a dime. "I can't play gameboy for a while."
"DAMN! If we had a med ninja, it could heal you. Konan, you'll have to do it." Said Pein.
Konan got some paper, folded it into wads, and shoved it in Zetsu's thumbs.
"ARRRRGH! WHAT THE FUCK!" yelled White Zetsu.
"FUCK! I'VE GOT PAPERCUTS ON THE INSIDE OF MY THUMBS! IS THIS YOUR SOLUTION TO EVERYTHING?!?!?" yelled Black Zetsu.
"Baby." Said Konan.
"Okay, I've called you all here today because there's good news and bad news." Said Pein.
Everybody promptly started listening, except Tobi, who stole Zetsu's gameboy and was playing Donkey Kong.
"The good news is that I killed Jiraya, and we will be holding a party about it this Saturday."
Everyone cheered, and Tobi raised his hand.
"…Yes, Tobi?"
"How do you beat Donkey Kong?"
Big Pein grabbed the gameboy and forced Tobi to eat it.
"…Now, the bad news is that in the past month, we've lost roughly half of our members to a bunch of friggin' teenagers. Due to our shortness on both time and people, these assignments are ones we CANNOT afford to fail. Tobi, Kisame, and Zetsu: you will be searching Konoha for Hidan's head. At this point, we need every member we can get. Itachi, Konan, Pein, Pein, Pein, Pein, and Pein: you guys and me will be capturing the Kyuubi punk."
"Tobi doesn't want to help Hidan. Hidan was mean to Tobi and told Tobi he should cut himself. Than he made Tobi eat his heart and call him Uncle Johnny." Said Tobi, shivering.
"Too bad, Tobi. You gotta rescue Uncle Johnny."
"NOOOOOOOOOO!"
AU: Thank you for your reviews and advice, Antispartan!!!!
Next Chapter:Oh yeah, there ARE other ninjas in Konoha! Hinata and the others.
