Note: this chapter contains satire of a this fanfiction website , and I advise those who dislike that kind of satire-specifically those with enough power to remove my fanfic from the site-not to read it.

Chapter 11: What do you MEAN nobody's available? Assembling the Rescue Squad!

"I still don't see what the problem is! He farted in my face, makes me look bad, and last week he stole all of my gophers!" yelled Kiba right before Hinata punched him in the crotch.

Kiba silently screamed as he flew through the window many miles away, Akamaru chasing after him.

"SHUT UP KIBA YOU BASTARD!! We have to save Naruto!" screamed Hinata.

"And we will." Said Tsunade. "However, assembling a team for this mission will be difficult, because many of our ninjas are preoccupied."

"Well, I'll go rescue him!" yelled Hinata.

"OH NO YOU WON'T!" roared the voice of a man seen only in 4 episodes of Naruto but featured in 4/3 Naruhina fanfics as the primary antagonists.

"…father?" squeaked Hinata.

"I DON'T BELIEVE THIS! You had sex with someone not only before marriage, but in the library?! Have you no shame?!" yelled Hiashi in rage.

"Wait…how do you know we were having sex in the library? Is that the new issue of playboy in your-"

"How I know makes no difference! You are officially GROUNDED for one week!"

"FUCK!" shouted Hinata as she stormed off to her room, her father racing after her yelling "AND YOU DIDN'T USE A CONDOM?"

"...Okay, but we DO have to help Naruto." Said Kakashi. "I'd go, except I have to wash Pakkun."

"I have to wash Pakkun better than Kakashi because he is my rival and I will defeat him because I am great and I don't look really stupid WAHA!" Yelled Gai as he raced after Kakashi.

Neji than spoke up. "I REALLY wish I could go, but I…" Neji began shivering. "Gai told me to give Lee 'the talk'."

"I get to hear a talk from Neji who is my rival and I will defeat him and I'm not creepy looking at all and I need some crack WAHA!" yelled Lee.

"I have to eat." Said Choji.

"I have to lie down and look at clouds." Said Shikamaru.

"Me and Juugo have to take care of Sasuke". Said Suigetsu.

"I'm not an important enough character to do anything useful!" piped up TenTen.

"Sakura and Karin aren't allowed to leave the village, and Kiba is miles away by now. Who will rescue Naruto?" said Tsunade glumly.

"We have a plan!" said both Shino and Juugo.

"Although I can't go because Kiba has my ant farm-and I NEED my ant farm-me and Juugo have assembled a team to rescue Naruto!" announced Shino.

The door creaked open. In walked the super special awesome rescue squadron team!!

"Wait…That's just a bunch of bugs and a puppy!" said Tsunade.

"But they kick ass! Just interview them, you'll see!" whined Juugo.

So Tsunade interviewed each member of the team.

INTERVIEW 1: Shino Bug 22

Tsunade: "So…you are?"

Shino Bug 22:"I'm Shino Bug 22!"

T: "What can you do?"

S:"Well, if I cling on to someone for four hours, I can eat all of their chakra. If I work with my teammate, we can do it in three hours eighteen minutes! Also, I know bug kung fu, I can plant bombs, and I'm a good writer!"

T:"Really? What do you write?"

S: "I have a story called What the Shit: The story of Nibbles."

T: "Who's nibbles?"

S: "He's the main character of a manga that Shino Bug 9723 writes."

T: "So…Is your story a book, or-"

S: "Nope, it's a fanfiction! It's on a fanfiction website ."

T: "So, is this site a collaboration of intelligent, sophisticated writers?"

S: "Uhhh…..No. You see, 7 out of every 6 fanfictions contain a sex scene. Of those 7, 8 have sex as the center of the story. Of those 8, 34 have pairings that make no sense at all. For example, Nibble's teacher Ikurrra and his other teacher Kukushoo. Also, of those 8, 5689 are same-sex pairings."

T: "So the site is basically a porn hub?"

S: "No, no, no…A badly written porn hub."

INTERVIEW 2: Shino Bug 121

Tsunade: "So, what can you do?"

Shino Bug 121: "Everything that Shino bug 22 can do. Instead of writing, however, I can use this!"

(Shino Bug 121 proudly holds up an object invisible to the naked eye)

T: "What is that?"

SB: "It's a stinger! I can glue it on my butt, and if I sit on you, it'll hurt! But than I'll die."

T: "So it's useless?"

SB: "…Yeah. I use it to hide my candy."

INTERVIEW 3: Frederick

Tsunade: "So, what can you do?"

Frederick: "mppphh"

T: "huh?"

Juugo: "He's in a cocoon! When he emerges, he'll be a beautiful butterfly that can poop on their enemies!"

INTERVIEW 4: Jimmython

Tsunade: "Hey, aren't you supposed to be dead?"

S123: "Nope, I used a plot device jutsu!"

Suigetsu: "HEY! Dangos aren't bean dumplings, dumbass, they're rice dumplings! I checked on Wikipedia!"

S123:"…"

(I, the glorious author, give Suigetsu genital warts. He flees, howling in agony, as I use my teleportation powers.)

Okay, we're sending three bugs and a puppy against the most powerful organization of criminals in the world…time to begin betting! Though Tsunade.

"Okay, I have total faith in you! Move out and rescue Naruto!" said Tsunade.

"You heard her! MOVE OUT!" Yelled Shino Bug 22.

After the team left, Tsunade turned to Shizune

"I bet ten bucks that they'll be dead in five minutes."

Next chapter: AAAAAHHHH! A Giant Head Monster! The Mission Begins!

AU: Hey! Sorry it took me so long to update. I'll try to finish the next chapter sooner. Please review if you're reading this!