A/N: Whoo… hard chapter. Well, they're all sort of a challenge, but this one. I didn't want to change the rating, so, I had to edit A LOT. And then there is the nightmare we call 'higher education', so it took a long time; I AM SO SORRY! This chapter was written to Shining Collection and Sleepless Beauty. (I just love Nittle Grasper…) He never really mentions it much, but they're in (insert a city that rains a lot :is too lazy to look one up, and too tired to remember: ), the actual scenery-based, population-based story will go back to format soonish, maybe next chapter. I'm debating having Yuki actually come into the story, but I don't think I can pull off a three person scene in POV format… I don't have that kind of editing patience. And POV's are a nightmare when typing at three in the morning.
Chapter Four: Tears
Rain is the only noise in this silent hotel room. You have gone away, gone far, far away. And now I am alone, and…
I am tired of this silence that plagues me.
"Shuichi," I whisper softly, gently touching his shoulder.
He flinches away, biting his lip. He ignores me, instead, turning his gaze to Hiroshi, laughing loud, large, and fake.
I am tired of watching you cry.
I am afraid to look around the door. But I do anyway.
Shuichi is crying, holding his cell phone tightly, the message on the screen displaying: "Ignored Call-- Eiri Yuki". Is it he who ignored you, or you who ignored him, Shu-chan?
Even so, I am the cause for the tears, and I am sorry.
I am tired of being apathetic to this.
Slowly, quietly, I pull the familiar pink plush to my face, letting my companion soak in this substance that his synthetic fur has never felt before.
Kumagoro is truly the only one that loves me now.
My fingers pluck at the red bow tie, the cloth so familiar, yet so foreign to my fingers. In a life that seems so distant, I have felt this material, I am sure. I can feel the residual happiness and naivety soaked into the tie, into the plush, into the very seams of my rabbit friend.
I am so sorry for leaving you behind. You truly are there for me, Kuma-chan.
I hug him close, feeling despair close to taking my entire body.
What have I done? What have I done?
I lean closer to the window; I am crying and the world is crying.
Slowly, I stand. I reach out my hesitant hand, and I open the balcony door.
I stand, letting this downpour soak my clothes, wetting me deep to the bone.
Rain… Rain… Rain!
It washes away the dirt and grime of the city, making everything shiny again. Will it make me shiny again? Like him? NO… no, no, no! He's not shining anymore!
He's dead and gone, my star, my love, I tarnished him! I turned him into the poisoned sickness of this earth, and he is dirtied and broken beyond what I can fix.
Oh god, oh god…
Will this rain be able to wash away my sin?
I push him down, crushing his lips with my own. He tries to cry out, and his teeth cut into the flesh of my mouth. Blood fills our mouths, fueling my hatred and passion with it's acrid taste.
I trap his hands in my own, pinning him down by the wrists. He struggles, and I hear the popping of joints. I pull away, blood and saliva making a light pink, wet trail from his mouth. I gently shush him, lapping away the remnants of the violent kiss.
He keeps whimpering and sobbing. 'Don't you like it, Shu-chan?' I ask lucidly. The heat is deceiving me, making me think that he feels the same, and only fuels my horrible desires. The alcohol is wearing thin, and I must finish what I have started.
I continue forward, pressing down into him. I will show him just how much I love him, and he will love me in return.
He will. He must. He has too.
Because I showed him.
Rain outside, rain inside. It's falling within him, and myself.
I hear the door open, and I look up.
Shuichi starts skittishly; he hadn't realized I was here.
I open my mouth, and I am crying again.
"I'm so sorry; I'm sorry, please, please forgive me. Please, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. Don't leave me alone, please."
"…I... I'm sorry, but... It's Yuki that I'm in love with…"
