Spoilers: I really, really want to see the X-Files movie! Because, of course, that's totally relevant.
Disclaimer: I've redeveloped an obsession with ABBA. What the hell?
Author's Note: Sorry about the lack of updates…I've been on school camp for half the week, so. And fretting about a possibly nonexistent maths test for the remainder of it.
And Bones is coming back on! I am so, unbelievably excited right now! This is (finally) the episode where Sully comes, I think. So I should have some fun. But, really, we're only up to there. Australian broadcasting is really irritating. But not now!
Brennan's head moved cautiously between the two men. The corners of both their mouths were twitching in fleeting smiles. Sweets looked shocked but triumphant. Perhaps a little amused.
Booth just looked happy. Brennan could not, for the life of her, figure out why.
"What did I say?" she asked, sounding a little surprised. "Why are you both smiling? Why are you both silent?"
When they continued their silence, mouths growing ever closer to smiling, both staring at nonexistent objects on the opposite walls, Brennan changed tack.
"Say something. It's unnerving when you're both silent. God knows you talk enough…" she grumbled, sitting back heavily in her chair and crossing her arms. She pouted, frowning at Sweets, who happened to be conveniently in her line of sight.
Suddenly, she felt Booth's mouth on her cheek. Then Sweet's eyes on her. Then a tingling warmth replacing Booth's lips. Wide eyed, she turned to Booth. Confusion was etched in her face.
Booth just kept smiling, now staring at her rather than the invisible spot on the wall. She didn't dare look at Sweets, fearing the smug grin she knew he was sporting. Before she could speak, Booth interrupted her.
"Thank you, Bones," he whispered, reaching over to touch her cheek, tracing where he'd just kissed with the back of his fingers. Removing his hand, he turned to Sweets. "Can we leave now?" he asked. His voice was now perfectly calm, quiet. He smiled sweetly, and even with his education, Sweets had trouble deciding whether Booth was playing him or just contented.
Still, he was almost too shocked to speak. He needed to see the other two agents anyway. And Lord knows they'd be one hell of a lot easier to deal with. He cleared his throat. "Uh, yeah, go."
Booth smiled again, and took a still-confused-looking Brennan by the hand, quickly replacing it on her back when she'd stood up. Sweets shook his head at their backs as Booth leaned down to whisper something apparently funny, and probably directed at him, in Brennan's ear.
Kill me now, he thought as the second pair waltzed through the door with awfully smug looking smiles. Kill. Me. Now.
"So. How has it been going for you two?" Sweets began, glad to have a simpler case.
Alex looked at Laura and gave her 'The Signal'. Laura immediately launched into a tirade about Alex's annoying habit of stealing her razor, while he launched into his own rant about Laura's insistence on putting nutmeg in the coffee every morning.
While Booth and Brennan had been in their session, which had lasted well over an hour, they had managed to get rid of Cullen for enough time to rehearse an entire hour's worth of meaningless nonsense to get out of actually being psychoanalyzed.
And judging by Sweets' expression, they'd almost succeeded in five minutes.
"Okay, okay! Guys!" Sweets commanded. Alex and Laura looked at him blankly, but instantly shut up. "Thank you. Now. Agent Rice, if you'd like to go first."
"Oh, please, call me Kirk," he amended without pause. Sweets looked baffled, while Laura stifled a giggle.
"Kirk? It says here your given name is Alex," Sweets read confusedly.
"Yes, that's right," Alex nodded. "But ever since I was a kid, I've had this affinity with Captain Kirk from Star Trek. See, when I was a kid, I fell out of this tree, and landed flat on my back. And that night, I saw an episode of Star Trek where Captain-"
"Alex – Kirk," he amended, earning a giggle from Laura. "I'd love to hear about that some time, but there are more pressing matters…"
"Oh! Of course! Onward with the pressing matters!"
"Shut up, Alex," Laura butted in. "Stop being ridiculous. Just come over here and kiss me, you sexy beast!"
Sweets just about fell off his chair. What the hell is going on in this house?!
"So, how did it go, you two?" Cullen bombarded as soon as Booth and Brennan rounded the corner. Booth took his hand off Brennan's back, and walked around the counter to the coffee pot. He was going to need a lot more than this if he was going to get through the day alive.
"Fine," Booth shrugged. Brennan hid a smile from Cullen, but Booth just caught it out of the corner of his eye and grinned in response. Cullen was a little lost, but hid it as expertly as he could. He was used to being lost with these two anyway.
"Did you get anything resolved?"
"Resolved? Nothing needed resolving…" Booth trailed off casually with another shrug. Cullen looked skeptical.
"Something always needs resolving with you two. Arresting family members, being kidnapped, left at the altar…"
"How do you know about that?" Brennan demanded.
"Doctor Brennan. I know everything that happens with my agents," he replied calmly. Brennan looked annoyed, where Booth looked amused. If only he knew… he laughed to himself. Instead of saying anything, however, he simply ignored Cullen as politely as he could.
"Bones, want a coffee?" he offered, handing her a mug regardless of her answer. She smiled at him.
"Thank you."
"You're welcome, Bones," Booth said, winking. Brennan rolled her eyes at his cockiness. All Booth really wanted to do was get rid of Cullen. They had things to talk about.
Again.
"Bye, Sweets!" Laura said impishly, sweetly. Alex slung an arm around her waist, yanking her close, but making sure he was out of Cullen's sight. It was fun with Sweets, but just plain dangerous with Cullen. As the car drove off, Alex and Laura burst into fits of laughter as she slapped his butt.
"You're a sexy beast, Alex Rice," she growled. He again tugged her closer and began pretending, debatably, to gnaw on her neck. Booth and Brennan sat in the lounge room, made uncomfortable by this display.
"That's a little disgusting," Booth finally decided, scrunching his face up. Brennan laughed.
"Yeah," Brennan agreed, still not able to take her eyes off the two. Booth's face lit up next to her and he nudged her shoulder with his.
"Hey Bones. I bet you twenty bucks he's the one to pull away."
"So what did you two do to Sweets?" Booth asked as soon as he'd recovered from losing twenty bucks to his partner.
"Oh, you know, this and that," Alex said with an evil smirk. Laura looked up at him almost sexually and grinned. Laura turned her attention back to Booth and Brennan.
"Well, we figured since you two seemed to be having all the fun, we'd join in," she stated simply but happily. Booth and Brennan looked confused.
"What do you mean, 'fun'?" Booth scoffed. Brennan shot him a confused look. It was Alex's turn.
"Oh, come on!" He paused, holding out his hands, palms-up in an indicative gesture. When he was met with questioning looks, he rolled his eyes. "Geez, you two have sexual tension up the wazoo!"
Laura nodded in agreement.
"What? Hear that, Bones? He's like a male Angela…"
"What's a 'wazoo'?"
"It's an expression, Bones."
"Why? Who would create an expression so meaningless?"
"You know what, Bones, just…just…shush."
"See!" Alex exclaimed suddenly. Booth and Brennan turned to him. "Sexual tension." Laura nodded again.
"This-" Booth indicated between himself and Brennan "-is not 'sexual tension'. And why would you think it would be fun?! Not that it is. Not fun, I mean. Sexual tension. Not that we have any to have fun with."
Alex raised an eyebrow. It appeared to him that Brennan was the only one in the room not currently totally confused. But then he decided she was probably still musing over the definition of the word 'wazoo'.
"Oh, really. Talk about your blind love…" Alex muttered with a bemused shake of his head.
"Love? How did we get from sexual tension to love?" Brennan demanded. Apparently she's discarded 'wazoo', Alex thought cynically. "I mean, if I were sexually attracted to Booth, it wouldn't necessarily mean I love him. Not that I am sexually attracted to Booth," she added quickly.
Booth feigned hurt. "Not even a little, Bones?" he pouted playfully. Alex and Laura stared at each other in amazement. How the topic of conversation could be so blatantly illustrated without the offending parties even knowing was a mystery to them.
"Well, not as you're thinking, no."
"What does that mean? Why do I think differently than other people?"
"Not everyone. You and I think differently. I can separate sexual attraction and emotions. You, Booth, cannot."
"That's-"
"No, it's not. In any other situation, you'd be a superior mate, but because of our…situation-"
It was Booth's turn to cut in. "So you're saying that if we didn't work together, we'd have slept together by now?!" Booth asked incredulously. Alex mouthed ten on Booth to Laura and she nodded, accepting his bet.
"Well of course not. If we didn't work together, we'd never have met," she stated logically. Alex rolled his eyes dramatically.
"How do you know? Maybe us meeting was fate," Booth challenged, quite aware of the fact that he was losing the argument.
"I don't believe in fate."
Both were silent, seated on the couch, staring at each other.
Laura smirked at Alex.
"Okay, so if we had met…" All three faces turned from the TV to Booth.
"Booth, we've-"
"Humor me, Bones." He held out a hand imploringly. She was silent, but crossed her arms haughtily. "If we had met, and we didn't work together, are you suggesting that there is a possibility that we would have…" He waved his hand around.
"Had sex? Yes. More than once? Probably not. I think there would have been a high probability of a one-off thing, but that would depend on other things, too."
Booth was shocked for a minute before he spoke. She was really saying…
"What things? And I don't do 'one-off' things."
"Do we have to go into this now?"
"When's better?" Booth pointed out, gesturing around the room. Brennan only pointed not-so-subtly at Alex and Laura who were not-so-subtly staring at Booth and Brennan.
Booth looked pointedly at them, and they rolled their eyes simultaneously and wandered into the kitchen. He then turned back to Brennan with an 'any-other-excuses?' face. Brennan sighed in defeat and slouched down in the couch a little further, as if to ward him off.
"So?" he pried.
"So what?"
To her surprise, instead of answering, he laughed.
"What?" she asked, now a little offended.
"You…" he chuckled. "You're all cute and pouty," he teased. Brennan rolled her eyes.
"Grow up, Booth."
"Hey, I'm not the one who's pouting, Bones," he said, holding up his hands in surrender. "Now, answer the question." Brennan didn't miss a beat, and wanted to get the conversation over with as soon as possible.
"Yes. We probably would have. Happy?" she snapped. The question was rhetorical, but Booth couldn't help but answer.
"I don't know. Happy and…unhappy," he said carefully. She looked at him questioningly, worried that her subconscious was just misinterpreting his words to fit its own agenda. "Well, you know…" he stuttered.
"No, Booth, I don't." She watched him squirm for a few minutes before continuing. Revenge was indeed sweet. "What did you mean, Booth?"
He cleared his throat. "I, uh…um…" He stopped, as if legitimately thinking of a response. She watched him, making sure he wasn't going to run. If she had to answer, so did he.
Suddenly, for the second time that day, she felt his lips on her skin.
Only this time, his lips were on hers.
His hand moved to her cheek, but he pulled away only a millisecond before her neurons began to kick in. Still, it was long enough to leave them both surprisingly breathless and giddy. He closed his eyes for a second before speaking, a smile playing on his still-tingling lips.
"You know what?" he whispered conspiratorially.
"What?" she managed.
"I think Sweets missed us."
Couch scene? Do you love me still?
