Hey everyone. This chapter has a bit of a… suggestive theme to it (nothing happens, don't worry). So if you get easily offended by the topic of… reproduction, then I wouldn't suggest reading it. But it is all good fun. And I don't mean it like that guys so stop being so perverted. SO yeah. This is the chapter that the explains why the "T" is the rating on this.
Thanks so much to..
jonasbroswitchfoot: maybe you should be worried about me. I haven't updated since my great grandma Shirly died. Which is before I was born… so that doesn't totally make sense… I WAS on national TV. Pretty cool. And thankies so mucchy!
MarauderNicki: Thanks so much! And erm… I didn't exactly update soon but I DID update as soon as I COULD. Hah.
smokinoken951892: yeah, I probably was hyper when I wrote that. But of course, I always am hyper while writing this fanfic P there's just something about Oliver writing in a diary that makes me excited… and not like that.
drummer8907: ahaha, thanks :) And yeah, I did the whole room thing on purpose. You will find out in later chapters. And 11 years! Congrats!
Okay. Now just read. Oh yeah. How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days chapter 5 should be on soon:)
February 7th
Later than the last time I wrote,
On floor
Blooshy blooshy goosh goosh flooshy flooshy doosh doosh. That's what I am, Journal. A blooshy blooshy goosh goosh flooshy flooshy doosh doosh. But we'll just shorten it to doosh. Yes, I am quite the doosh in this here family.
Guess what lame thing I said to Miley over the dinner table?
Okay so Miley and Lilly were having this long, ornate (yes I DO know the word ornate, Journal. I'm not as stupid as you may think) conversation about the production of babies. You know, they are made by mechanics… who have… erm… a tumble in the rumble… during their work schedules! Yes, I am talking about S-E-X word.
"Yeah, I want to wait till I'm married because of… blah… blah… blah… blah blah blah… blah… blah blah… blah… blooh blah… blah? BLAH?! BLAH!" Yes, I ended up staring at Miley with my mouth open like… like a stunned opossum. Lilly agreed with whatever she said, and Miley asked, "Do you agree?"
I opened my mouth, intending to say "Yes, Miley, I do agree with your opinion…" but what came out was, "I don't know. I heard sex is great, you know. I wouldn't mind having it." I said directly to Miley.
I mentally slapped myself on my forehead, leaving a big, ugly red hand mark. Wait… that was a slap from Lilly.
"Ugh!" Miley said, throwing her baked potato remnants at me, landing on my head. "MY HAIR!" I bellowed like a wounded rhinosaur. (A/N: a rhinosaur is a mix between a rhinoceros and dinosaur… I actually said that once. I am THE Rhinosaur Princess. Those whom review shall receive a free piece of Laffy Taffy, flavor of his choice. Only while supplies last)
She got up and stormed off, leaving a goggling Lilly. "What did I say wrong?" I asked her. "UGH!" She said, throwing her hard roll at me. Ew, Journal. Not that kind of hard. "OW!" I said, and watched an aggravated Lilly strut off after Miley.
I looked longingly at my half eaten steak, mashed potatoes, roll, steamed veggies, and half a sandwich (bologna, cheese, and peanut butter… yum). Then I looked after my girlfriend who was blowing steam out of her eyes. Not literally, Journal. Gosh, and you say I'M stupid. Geeze. Oh I got the phrase wrong? Ears… right. Psht, why would steam blow out your EARS?! Only a dingdong would think that…
Then I realized what I should do, Journal. I dumped my plate of food into a large, white vase that was once filled with flowers until I knocked it down on Lilly's spaghetti and meatballs. I had to buy her another plate, too. And Miley's meal. And mine. Gahh. Why oh why didn't mom and dad give me more money?
Anyway, I grabbed the vase and scurried like a bunny getting chased by a fox on Animal Planet after the two girls.
"WAIT UP!" I hollered like… a… a… erm… a… goose… getting hit by a car.
Guess what they did, Journal? They ran. Harder. Faster. The most they had ever done before. EWWW, nasty! I don't mean THAT. Seriously, can you really picture Miley and Lilly having… hard core… lesbian sex? Scratching that out… now
Anyway. They just ran away. But then Miley ran back to me! I opened my arms expecting a hug, but instead she grabbed my vase and dumped its contents on my beautiful, luscious brown locks. They're sexy. Beg to differ, and you can receive a free blow in the head. EW, I did NOT mean it like that!
I'm hungry. My stomach has been growling off the clock. I want my food . But all the remains remain on the floor of the Main Hall. Unless Barbie the always-angry janitor cleaned it up. Barbie is a man, sadly to say.
Anyway. Journal, I feel weird. Yeah, you heard me, big Journal!
No! You aren't fat! NOOO
Anyway.
We're going to see hula dancers tomorrow. Is it true that they're really hot? Oh I hope Miley doesn't read that…
Oh we're good by the way. Me and Miley.
Miley and I. Whatever is grammeticly correct.
I think my spelling is getting worser.
And my grammer.
Anyway. Lilly is on the phone with a secret someone and Miley prying at her to find out. It's Jackson, obviously.
Why else would Lilly be totally… secluded?
"Why won't you tell me?" Miley asked as Lilly threw her hand up for silence, and then turned and walked off to the bathroom.
I'm gonna go find a vending machine. Be back later.
Later
In bed
Ahhh nothing better than Cheetos and Hershey bar sandwhich! Oh, and we mustn't forget grapes. Grapes make the world a better place.
Anyways.
Miley still feels the need to ignore me.
Dear Ollie's diary: Oliver misses Miley!:( Poor Ollie Wolly Bolly Golly. Byebye! Hugs and kisses with extra hugs and kisses, Lilllayyy
Okay thennn. Why does Lilly always feel the need to come up with stupid nicknames: Ollie Wolly Bolly Golly. And why does she ALWAYS leave me hugs and kisses? The only good hugs and kisses she could give me are those little chocolate candies.
But I still only like those from Miley.
I mean, kisses and hugs. And not the chocolate ones. But, alas, Miley won't talk to me so there's no point in hoping for them anytime soon.
Uh oh. Miley's calling for moi. I'll be back later. Be good, boy.
Um... right-o.
Later
Bed again.
Ahhh. Miley apologized for being a weird highness. Hmmh…
She rewarded me with kisses and hugs. But heavy kisses and fewer hugs. And I don't mean the candy.
She made me happier than she even knows . And I actually DO mean it like that this time, Journal.
She was sitting on my lap… ahh… and she was in her BIKINI and I was in my SWIMTRUNKS because we had just gotten back from the pool.
So yeah. Very little… erm… clothing today while we did that. Which erm… left me happier than ever…
She's sexy… I'd like to…
Later again.
Bed still.
Sorry. I had to stop writing for awhile. I couldn't stop thinking… erm.., perverted thoughts.
I actually tore out that page and shoved it in my shoe so no sneaky Tiger Lilly or Miley Cat may "accidently" read what lies between that perverted page.
Ahh…. I wish that I could replay that entire thing over… and over… and over…
Later. Yes, again!
Bed again. Sorry I had to erm… take a shower. It totally worked, too.
I'm whipped. Or is it wiped… worked… whatever.
STOP LAUGHING, Journal! Jeesh!
Anyway. I think I'm gonna go to beddy bye so I can go to Dreamy La La La Land.
Nighty nighty, sleepy tighty, sleepy loosey, loosey goosey, nighty nighty.
My god I cannot believe I just said that.
Bye, Journal.
As usual, reviews are greatly appericiated! So please... leave some! If i get at least five then I'll update ASAP. If I get less than five, don't expect a new chapter for a month or so. So yeah. Just click the button! Make me happy! Lol..
