'Hey, is that thing on

A/N: So, here it is, Joey season one! I've decided to keep this format, seems that most people like it. There is a poll on my profile page if anyone is particularly for/ against one format. Thanks for all the great reviews!

Disclaimer: Not mine…

……

'Hey, is that thing on? Oh, it is… maybe later then. What? Nothing… For now. Right, introduce myself. I'm Joseph Tribianni, but everyone calls me Joey. I prefer it that way. I'm an actor, not really working right now though. Would you have seen me in anything? Well, I was in some show called 'Freud!' you might have seen that being a psychologist. No, I didn't understand it either, but a job's a job. Oh and I was supposed to play Al Pacino's butt- scratch that, I did play Al Pacino's butt. Not like you can tell the difference…

'This year? Woah, that's a long time to remember a lot of stuff. Um, I- no, that's not important. But Rachel is! Yeah, she came along about a year ago, I think I was drinking coffee at the time. And I hit on her, until Monica told me not. What can I say? Rachel is hot. You would've done the same… You wouldn't have because you're a woman, unless… No? Good. Yeah, so Rachel. She's hot, but we all know she's off limits. Why? For one, she's a friend, you aren't supposed to mess with those rules! And there was another reason- oh yeah, Ross is madly in love with her. Don't tell either of them I said that. He keeps denying it, so she may never know.

'Have I got a 'significant other'? What's that? A girlfriend? No, why're you asking? Oh right, experiment thing. You know they're not paying us for this? Thought I was going to make some easy money- "You just have to tell them about you, Joey," Ross said. He didn't mention money at all, but I thought… Never mind. Did you ask me something?

'Love life? I wouldn't call it that. I like to play the field, y'know, like a hockey player- and I score a lot. If hockey was like women I would be an awesome player. I've never really had a proper girlfriend, I don't want to be tied down. There was Angela though, but she kind of disappeared. There was Ursula, Phoebe's identical twin. I don't really know what happened there- I mean, I really liked her, I remembered her birthday and everything. Then, one day, I find Phoebe pretending to be her sister so she could break up with me. Apparently Ursula lost interest or something. There is this one girl, think her name's Melanie, I might use the old Tribianni charm on her… Actually, that's a good idea.

'My friends are really important to me. They all help me through stuff- like when I found out my dad was having some kind of affair with this animal-stuffer woman. I did my best to help him and I even told my mom, 'cos that's what I thought she would have wanted me to do. Turns out she didn't and I got whacked around the head with a big ring. They were a lot of help when my family thought I had VD too… Yes, that's why I look familiar, but you shouldn't believe everything a poster tells you!

'Anyway. Chandler's my room mate, he's a great guy. He can be annoying with all his jokes, but he's always there for me. I don't make a lot of money most of the time, but he never says anything about me not paying rent. Well, he hardly ever says anything. He's my best friend. Ross is a pretty close second, I help him out with his girl problems and in return he tells stories that are as boring as hell. But he can be pretty funny- it's pretty funny watching him drool all over Rachel actually. I told him to grab a spoon and the spoon's still there, he's just watching it while the ice cream melts. No, you wouldn't get the spoon thing, you weren't there. I was drinking beer at the time though. So, that's Ross for you. He has sister, Monica, we're good friends. She's hot and makes the best lasagne, but she can be a little weird. Like, I learned never to go to her place on a Thursday afternoon because that's cleaning day. It's not like she doesn't clean the apartment every day anyway, Thursday's just special for some reason… I think it was Thursday, maybe it was Wednesday? No, it's Friday because that's the day I get two pizzas. So, hot and crazy. Speaking of crazy, is Phoebe. I love Pheebs. Not in that way, but, sometimes I feel that she gets me better than anyone else. Maybe because I get her better than the others. Phoebe had a tough life growing up, she has so many stories. I know her really well, but I guess she has a lot more to say. Oh, and she's hot too. Why do you think I dated her identical twin?

'So, that's the gang- and Rachel, obviously. We do some weird things sometimes. Like, when Ross's monkey escaped- no, I'm not speaking "metaphorically", whatever that means- we had to chase him down to the crazy guy who lives downstairs. And, we tried to teach the girls poker once, then they got bored of it. Me, Chandler and Ross still play though.

'Ross had a kid the other week. I mean, his lesbian ex-wife gave birth to a baby. They called him Ben. I missed a lot of the action though, I was helping some other woman give birth. No, I'm not qualified, but she needed help. Don't know why I did, she was a Celtics fan, but she was on her own and I just… ended up being there for the birth of her child… No way do I support Celtics! New York Knicks rule!

'Am I done? Okay… Is the camera off? Good… How you doin'?'

….…

A/N: Oddly enough, Joey doesn't actually use the 'How you doin'' line until he demonstrates it to Phoebe in season 4. I think. But I couldn't resist doing that at the end.