A/N: Due to the fact that I want to continue my other stories and start new ones, this will be the final chapter/round of my auction. Thanks to all my lovely reviewers, participants, and the random characters I added to make this parody crazy and funny! Hope y'all enjoy!


The five girls came back into the room after an extremely long break.

"This is the final round, right?" Chickie asked, looking at her complimentary leaflet describing the program.

"Sadly, yes. But at least we're get to bid on Clopin now!" Whatever exclaimed.

"HELL YEAH! HE'S MINE!" Chess cheered.

"No, he's mine!" Opal declared.

"Save your bickering for the bidding, ladies," Mr. Frogspawn said calmly, returning to the podium. The girls became rapt with attention. Now was their moment where all friendship would be put on hold. After all, one of them had to win Clopin! Mr. Frogspawn approached a tube-like curtain with green polka-dots on it.

"Alright, now first up for auction. She's quite gorgeous, a Gypsy--"

"Get on with it! We already KNOW its Esmeralda!" Lenny grumbled.

"Wrong!" said Mr. Frogspawn, "it's Quasi's mom!" And sure enough, the mother of the hunchbacked protagonist was revealed. She was smiling sheepishly.

"But she died in the movie!" Lily pointed out.

"Frollo died in the movie too! But we're auctioning him, right?" Mr. Frogspawn replied knowledgeably.

"I guess you're right," Lily sighed.

"Bidding starts at 20 dollars!"

"But that's not fair!" Quasi's mom said grumpily, "Just because I only got 5 minutes of screen time doesn't mean I'm worthless!"

"Oh what the heck, I'll buy her for 40 bucks!" Lily offered. When no one else objected joined in, Mr. Frogspawn smacked his gavel.

"SOLD TO LILY!" he boomed.

"Sweet," Lily exclaimed as Quasi's mother sat next to her, "but nothing will be sweeter when I buy Frollo!"

"YOU MEAN YOU FANCY THAT OLD FART THAT KILLED ME?!" Quasi's mom shrieked.

"Basically," Lily said.

"Ha ha, you're going to end up buying all the dead people from the movie!" Opal giggled.

"Be quiet before I take the gemstone of your namesake and shove it up your ass!" Lily threatened.

"Huh?" Whatever asked.

"Never mind! Next up for auction is the beloved protagonist of the story. He may be ugly but he has a heart of gold, QUASIMODO!"

The hunchback was blushing with embarrassment. He'd never seen so many girls in one room in all his life.

"Is that my son?" Quasi's mom asked.

"I'm your son?" Quasi repeated dumbly.

"Have a heart and reunite the mother and son, Lily!" Chess exclaimed.

"But I have his figurine set!" Lenny pointed out, "I'll buy Quasi for 150 dollars!"

"SOLD TO LENNY!" Mr. Frogspawn shouted.

"Quasi's my favorite character though!" sniffled Opal. As Quasi took a seat by Lenny and started to play with the figurines, Opal and Quasi's mom crowded around him.

"Can I have your autograph?" Opal asked, holding out her Lisa Frank autograph book she had from the age of 4.

"Okay," Quasi said as his mother attempted to smother him with kisses. He conveniently had a quill and ink and he scribbled his name into the book.

"Next up for auction, ESMERALDA!" Mr. Frogspawn said. Reddish smoke began to disperse throughout the room as Esmeralda stood in her Festival of Fools dress.

"She's so pretty!" everyone chorused.

"Bidding starts at 300 dollars!" Mr. Frogspawn stated.

"320!" Chess cried, swinging her paddle back and forth

"340!" added Opal.

"360!" Chickie squeaked.

"380!" Chess screamed. No one else moved. Opal, however wasn't going to give up that easy.

"400!" she said.

"480!" Chess exclaimed.

"Going once? Going twice? SOLD TO CHESS!" Mr. Frogspawn said. Esmeralda danced gracefully over to Chess.

"YAY!" Chess squealed as she hugged the beautiful Gypsy. Djali's bad behavior was immediately changed as he licked both the girl's cheeks.

"NEXT UP WE HAVE THE ARCHDEACON!" boomed Mr. Frogspawn, revealing the clergy man. Whether he was overweight or had on innumerable robes, no one could tell.

"I'll have him for 100 dollars! Pretty please?" Chickie pleaded.

"Alright, SOLD TO CHICKIE!" Mr. Frogspawn said, "Next we have the evil, the old, the ugly, JUDGE CLAUDE FROLLO!"

"I beg to differ on the ugly part," Lily said defensively as everyone began to boo.

"Oh come on, everyone knows I'm the most evil Disney villain around!" Frollo whined.

"No, there's Cruella DeVille! She wanted to slaughter innocent puppies to make a fashion statement!" Whatever sobbed.

"Even I find that twisted. You wouldn't see ME wearing Gypsy skin on my back even it were hotter than the baker's bread!" Frollo declared.

"Bidding starts at 5 dollars," Mr. Frogspawn stated.

"Come now, I'm worth more than that!" Frollo said.

"Regardless, you're coming home with me, baby!" Lily grinned, throwing her Visa card at Mr. Frogspawn and practically dragging Frollo to the audience.

"Alright. Next on our list we have a man. A man who's so courageous, so handsome and soooo dumb, it's PHOEBUS!"

Opal started to giggle as Phoebus grinned despite the fact that Mr. Frogspawn had openly insulted him.

"I HATE PHOEBUS BASHERS!" Whatever declared. Whipping out her wallet, she took out 600 dollars and handed them neatly to Mr. Frogspawn.

"Don't even bother saying how much you'd auction for him. Even though some people may think he's stupid, he is an overall decent character!"

And with that, the authoress took hold of Phoebus's hand and led him off the stage to sit with her other purchases.

"You didn't even bother bidding for my husband?" Esmeralda shrieked, shaking Chess by the shoulders.

"What? I already got your goat!" Chess stated obviously. Suddenly, the lights went off and numerous others began to flash around like they were at a circus.

"What the hell?" Opal cried.

"And now, the moment you've all been waiting for! Put your hands together for the amazing, the acrobatic, the truss-wearing Gypsy king CLOPIN!"

At that moment, the screams that rang throughout the room were so loud they could've caused anyone within a 350.6536321 mile radius to lose their hearing. If you have no idea how that sounds, just imagine the Jonas Brothers, Miley Cyrus, NSYNC, the Backstreet Boys, and any other pop-star singing sensation to be teaming up with High School Musical to perform at an all-girls elementary school. That's what you would've heard, if anything at all.

"Bidding starts at 1000 dollars!" Mr. Frogspawn declared. The authoresses were screaming so loudly he could barely figure out who was bidding what. Clopin looked at the situation with amusement, but with great fear as well. He would rather have the die defending the Court of Miracles than at the hands of raving teenage fan girls. Suddenly, two figures entered the room.

"Hello, everyone!" said a humorous adult voice.

"Hey, it's Robin Williams!" Opal exclaimed, running up to hug the acclaimed actor.

"Who's the kid with you?" Chickie asked as the other authoresses began to crowd around him.

"This is Jack. He can name all the capitals of the 50 states!" Robin said, rubbing the kids head affectionately, "he went to St. Jude Children's Hospital when he was diagnosed with leukemia. And due to the medical advancements his survival rate increased by 94 percent!"

"That's impressive!" Lily said admirably. She looked back at Clopin, then to Jack and Robin, then back again.

"Are you guys thinking what I'm thinking?" she asked.

"If you're thinking about letting me buy Clopin and declare my undying love for him, then yes! I know what you're thinking!" Opal said.

"No! Why don't we donate Clopin to St. Jude?" Lily offered. The other authoresses stared at her as if she were on crack.

"I know we love Clopin, but just think! He can entertain kids 24/7 and we can always visit! Not as a patient, but we can hang out with him and make the days brighter for kids with life threatening diseases!"

"You're right. After all, the good Lord wants us to help those who are less unfortunate then us!" Chess said.

"OK! It's a done deal!" Whatever said, shaking hands with Robin Williams.

"Hooray!" Lenny cried. Soon, everyone was hugging one another in happiness.

"Hey! Who wants to go out for ice-cream?" Opal finally asked.

"Despite the fact I'm lactose intolerant, why not? A man can only live once!" said Mr. Frogspawn. As they began to depart, he handed out goodie-bags of items that hadn't been auctioned off.

"Sweet! I got a loaf of bread from the baker!" said Chickie.

"And I got a miniature version of the triplet bells Quasi rang!" Whatever said.

"I GOT PUPPET!" Opal shrieked with glee.

And with that, the auction concluded with a happy ending where they all lived happily ever after.

THE END


A/N: And so, this concludes the HoND auction. I hope y'all enjoyed reading it as much as I had writing it. Also, the whole thing with Robin Williams and Jack isn't made up. It's an actual St. Jude commercial I saw on Youtube. Please R&R and check out my other stories! I only need to finish one more and then I can concentrate all my energy onto even more stories and to It's A Small World After All.