Thanks for the reviews guys. :) I'm sorry that I suck for not updating sooner, I know I'm useless. I've had exams, and been away. But I'm back now :)

So here's a new chapter, let me know if it's any good. :)

Disclaimer: I still own nothing or nobody connected to CSI.


Chapter 4:

Catherines POV:

I can feel the pounding of my heart in my chest as I walk further into her room. I guess that was the hardest part, actually making it through the door. I don't think I've ever felt so nervous. I won't be surprised if she shouts abuse at me and tells me to turn my ass around and get out, seeing as for the past two weeks all I've done is stay away.

I realise I'm standing half into the room, but nowhere near the bed and the seats. I also realise that she hasn't yet responded to my greeting. I'm not surprised though, I wouldn't be too pleased with me either.

The pounding in my heart intensifies as I cross the rest of the room and take a seat next to her bed. I don't know what to say to her, everything sort of seems pointless, or fake after the 2 weeks I've not been to see her.

After a couple of minutes I actually don't think that I can bare the silence anymore. I take a deep breath, and decide I need to apologize to her. I just don't know how.

"Sara." I say, it was supposed to come out confident, but it came out as nothing more than a whisper. She slowly turns her head towards me, with a single tear rolling down her cut and bruised face.

I gasp as for the first time I appear to notice her injuries, but I can't seem to stop myself from reaching over and wiping the solitary tear away. Before I could comprehend what I've done, she looks at me and slightly smiles, before turning the smile into a frown. She seems conflicted somehow, whether because she wonders why I'm here, why I just showed affection to her, or whether it was something to do with what Warrick was saying earlier. I don't know, but she truly seems stuck between 2 thoughts at the moment.

She shakes herself out of whatever the thought was, and just looks at me, studying me as if she never had noticed me before. I look back into her eyes, and I see fear, confusion, and a hint of something I can't quite catch in there too. She holds my gaze for a minute before another tear runs down her face. She tried to wipe it away, hoping that I wouldn't notice, but it was too late. I take her hand from her face and smile at her, I know that words are needed around about now, but I just don't know how to say what I need to.

I let go of her hand before standing up and walking to the window. The sky is grey and we look as though we're going to have a huge storm, possibly a bit like the one going on in my head at the moment. After staring out of the window for a moment, I take another deep breath and turn back around, to see Sara silently crying whilst looking at me. I sit back down and take her hand, not wanting to let it go this time.

" Sara I,.. I don't know what to say…." I pause, before continuing… "Well I have an idea of what I need to say, but it doesn't seem enough. Whatever I say will just seem so feeble after how I've acted over the last couple of weeks. I've been selfish and stupid, and if I were you I don't know how I'd forgive me for acting the way I have."

I can feel the tears rolling freely down my cheeks now. Sara still hasn't said anything, but she tightens her grip on my hand, making me look back up and catch her eyes. I know if I don't carry on talking, I may lose the little confidence I have.

"Sara, I…. You probably think I'm making excuses or something, but I was here, I've been here every day. I just haven't had the courage to come in. When you were missing out there, I have never felt more scared or helpless in my entire life, and I hated the feeling. Knowing that there were so many things I needed to say to you, to tell you.

I mean, I know I've never made a great effort to be friends with you, but that's not because I don't want to be friends, on the contrary, but I'm just scared Sara. And then, when you went missing, I thought I'd never have a chance to tell you that I do care, I care more than you'd ever know. And then Nick found you, and something inside me took over. I locked myself away, not even talking to the guys or Grissom, and I came here every day once they'd left, but I couldn't bring myself to come in. And then Nick told me I was a bitch for not caring about you, and he truly believed I didn't care. Which made me realise that that's how it looked. And that will be how you saw it too.

But Sara I do care. I do. Please, believe me. I'm so, so sorry for how I've treated you. I should have just buried my insecurities and feelings and come to see you, I mean you nearly died. That's what scared me the most. And then the feeling I felt when you were alive was just so strong…"

I ramble on, not even knowing if I'm making sense anymore, and I can't seem to stop myself from crying. I can feel my whole body shaking, and all I can say now is

"I'm so sorry Sara, I'm sorry, please, forgive me. I'm sorry." Over and over as if it was my mantra.

After about five minutes, I've managed to control my sobs somewhat, and I look up, and she is crying too. She is still holding onto my hand, and I'm sure I saw a faint smile.

"Cath." She says, her voice hoarse from a mixture of the drugs she's been taking and the crying I've made her do.

I go to apologise again, but she stills me and says.

"Please, let me finish." I nod for her to continue, and hope to God that I'll like what she says.

"Cath, I don't know what to think right now. I have to admit, it hurt when you didn't come to see me, it really did. I guess Nick was right, I did think that you didn't care. But then I don't know, I guess in some ways it helped me not seeing you. I can't explain that to you right now, but I guess deep down I'd hoped you'd have come to see me when the guys did. I mean you didn't even send a card Catherine. If it wasn't for the guys I'd have thought you'd have dropped off the earth."

I'm crying freely again now, I just can't stop the floodgates today. "I'm so sorry Sara."

"Please, let me finish" She goes on, "I promised myself, that, if I got out of that car and the desert alive, I'd tell you all of the things that kept me going. And I intend to stick to that promise. But, at the moment I just can't, because of repercussions, which I guess is why I'm so confused at seeing you today. I'd put it to the back of my mind, but now it's back to the forefront, and I realise I have to go through with the promise to myself, which scares the hell out of me for so many different reasons."

I'm seriously confused. Sara is making absolutely no sense.

"I know you don't get it now Catherine, and I'm sorry, but you will. And I forgive you Catherine. I do, if you'd never have come to see me, I'd still forgive you. There's something inside me that makes me want to forgive you no matter what. So don't worry, I believe you, and I do forgive you."

I smile, and cry harder. I'm so relieved that she forgives me. I know I wouldn't forgive me if I were her. I'm so relieved that I get up and kiss her boldly on the cheek. She touches her cheek, before smiling at me.

"Cath, I'd like us to start again. To get to know each other properly, forget our past, the arguments and everything. It's one of the things I promised myself out there. To get closer to you, to spend time with you. Of course, I thought that'd never happen when you didn't come to visit me, but now, I'd like us to try and be friends. If you want to that is."

I don't think I've ever smiled as wide as I did then. I'd like to know everything Sara wants to tell me, that she promised herself to, and I'm totally confused as to why she'd be thinking of me out there and not her beloved Grissom. As much as I don't want to put a dampener on things, I don't know how I'm going to spend time with her knowing that he's got her. I think I officially hate my previous best friend for getting to spend the night with her. To touch her, to have all of her. I feel sick…

"Cath?" I hear her say, sad and questioningly.

I must have zoned out, and she thinks I don't want to spend time with her. Which is totally untrue. I wish I could spend every second of every day with her for the rest of my life…

I smile, and reply "Of course I'd like that Sara. There's nothing that I would want more." Well… almost I tell myself.

She smiles and says. " I almost feel better now."

I wonder why she means almost. It seems she figured a few things out in the desert, and needs to right some wrongs or something like that. I guess I'm one of those. I admire her. I mean I'm totally and utterly in love with the woman, she couldn't get anymore perfect. Too bad she'll never want me to share her bed at night.

I look at the time and realise I should head home and get some sleep before I have to be back at work, I say goodbye to her, give her another kiss on the cheek, before heading towards the door. Just as I reach the door, I hear her call over.

"Stay." I turn around totally confused. She smiles and shifts over. "It's a big bed for a hospital. I just don't want to be alone right now, please Cath, I don't want you to leave, and I don't think I can cope not knowing when I'll see you again." She is almost pleading with me.

I think my head I playing games with me, because if I didn't know better, and didn't know that Sara was with Grissom, I'd say she felt something for me. Why would she want me to stay and not her lover? I don't want to think about that now, and I'm not one to disappoint, so I walk back over to her.

I slowly get into her bed, trying to avoid her injuries, and she leans into me before falling quickly asleep. As I drift off myself, I can't help but think how right this feels.


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