A/N: I played for two hours today and my mom barely talked to me more than one word. :3 I'm happy. Chewy's asleep on my bed. It makes me wonder if he's hurt from getting wedged in the door while trying to run outside before I'd notice or if he's just tired. He doesn't seem like he's hurt and I'm sure Papa would have said if he was, and I checked him myself and he didn't bitch or make hurt noises when I prodded him, so I'm just going to assume he missed me desperately and is tired.
Also, when I quickly made up an appearance for my little scout, I realized while looking up Sailor Sues that my scout looks almost exactly like a good version of Sailor Galaxia. Except she doesn't have super long hair like Galaxia, her uniform's slightly different and her eyes are like that of Gilgamesh from Fate/stay night. XD;;
Act II
Usagi and Mamoru, the scouts and the generals found themselves a nice place to rest out in the middle of no where in order to figure out a way to take back Tokyo from the Sailor Sue Horde. They noticed that the universe had burped again and saw the great dark cloud come from it, but were too tired from running to care for the moment.
"We have to find a way to get rid of all these Sailor Sues," said Makoto.
"Good luck trying," mumbled Neprite.
"You don't have to act like an outright cocky bastard all the time you know," said Makoto, glaring at Nephrite.
Nephrite looked to her and smiled very faintly. Makoto blinked at him and looked away. "You always did like to point out my bad points," said Nephrite, smirking faintly.
"That was a different me than now," said Makoto.
"I know."
"Enough flirting, you two," grumbled Jadeite as he lay on the hard ground. Both hit him over the head with the Idiot Board before sitting down again to pointedly ignore one another.
Rei eyed Jadeite disdainfully. "What in the entire universe did my past self see in you?" she said.
"My charming wit and good looks?" drawled Jadeite.
"Why on Earth would I think an ass like you is witty and good looking? At best you're just an irritating reminder of how much an idiot my past self was to even think you might be palatable," said Rei as she glared at him.
He sat up, rubbing the bump on his head from being hit with the Idiot Board and looked to her grinning with a very large and charming grin. "Because you like a guy to step on and I like it when you step on me."
Rei went bright red and set him on fire with one of her attacks before stomping off to go cool down away from him. Mamoru sighed at him as Jadeite ran around wailing and waving his arms around, fire crackling away on his arms. Ami doused the flames with her water powers before sitting back down to look at her compact computer.
Kunzite relaxed on the ground as the people around the small fire that Rei had made for them to use did their own separate things. Minako looked over at him and blushed heavily. He was certainly very handsome still, though, thankfully, on their side now since Beryl was gone. However, even normal the generals still had their personalities as they had before. This was not conducive to seeing them as actually good guys at all.
"Staring is rude, you realize," said Kunzite without opening his eyes. He smirked as he finally looked over at the flushed face of Minako. "But you're welcome to if you want. I won't stop you, princess of Venus."
"I'm not princess anymore. I'm just Minako Aino," said Minako as she looked away from him. It was really hard not to look at him and drool, especially with his demeanor.
"Fine, Minako Aino," said Kunzite, "I certainly don't mind the name change." He smirked faintly and closed his eyes again, settling back once more. Minako stared at him once more and grabbed the Idiot Board from Usagi. Then, she hit her head against it several times before handing it back.
"What was that about, Minako-chan?" asked Usagi, wide eyed at her friend.
"Attempting to get back what sanity I have left to me! Oh god, he's so sexy!" she cried.
"No crying," said everyone around.
"Shut up!"
Kunzite simply smirked devilishly at Minako's antics without acknowledging her.
Zoicite, however, found the whole thing really boring and wanted someone to pay attention to him. Ami was buried in her computer work that it irritated him. He pulled the computer from her and leaned over her, putting on his most charming smile for her as he leaned down to her face. "You've been so engrossed in this stupid little thing that I'm beginning to wonder if you like it more than being with humans."
"It's not stupid and it helped us get rid of that other Zoicite, or have you forgotten?" said Ami fretfully. "Give it back, please."
Zoicite eyed it and poked at it. It was a small blue device that was entirely handheld. When he tried to poke one of the keys it sent a shock into his finger and forced him to drop it. It disappeared in thin air then and Ami looked at him with a mix of distrust and annoyance. "If all you're going to do is pester me, then please leave. I have much more important things to be doing than to play with you."
"Oh, so you knew I wanted to play a little, eh?" said Zoicite, grinning.
Ami went pink and brought the computer screen up again and once more buried her nose into it. Zoicite eyed it like it was the demon taking what attention he was getting away from him. He once more leaned down into her face and grinned at her. "You're still trying to ignore me…"
"I am not!" gasped Ami. She then fell off the stump that she had been occupying. Zoicite chuckled and put his hands on his hips as he watched her scrambled back onto the stump and turn away from him.
Nephrite smacked him with the Idiot Board and sat back down, pulled Makoto onto his lap as he did so. Makoto put up a royal fuss, but he quelled her with a hard kiss that caused her to flush deeply. Zoicite, meanwhile, was once more on the ground with a large bump on his head thanks to the now famous Idiot Board. Usagi, meanwhile, plotted to market the board as a means of eliminating morons from the universe via natural selection.
The sounds of the Sailor Sues started to resound through the clearing that the group had made camp in. The guardian scouts surrounded their princess and prince once more as the generals looked vaguely interested in the problem at hand. However, there came a great wind that blew them over. Over their heads flew several dozen Sailor Sues to their ultimate doom of landing very hard on rocks and against trees.
When the coast was clear the group stood back up and looked around for the source of the mighty wind. A sailor scout hopped out from the tree line and landed in front of them. She had long golden hair that ended in a reddish tone to the middle of her back and bright red eyes that had cat like slitted pupils. In the middle of her forehead was gold star and on her cheek a gold star could be seen as well. Her sailor uniform was white with gold sailor flap and a pair of skirts over one another, a red one under a gold one, connected to the uniform. Her gloves went up to the middle of her upper arm and were white as her boots went up to her knees and were white. Around her ankles and wrists were circular rings of gold, each holding a bright gold star on it that made a jingling sound as she moved around. She struck a pose and pulled out a five foot tall fan that was covered in gold as well.
"Who the hell are you?" said Jadeite.
"I am Sailor Nibiru! I come every 3,600 years to uphold all that is decent in the Sailor Moon fandom!" she said and winked cutely at them. Then, she tossed the fan up into the air and it became small in a puff of a cloud before dropping down into her hand and she stowed it away into her uniform.
"Hold on, she's got to be one of those crazy Sailor Sues!" said Makoto.
"Yeah! We don't know of any Sailor Nibiru!" said Minako.
Nibiru giggled and held up a finger to them, grinning brightly at them. "That's because all your race memories are erased and covered over by false memories. After all, the Anunuaki of Nibiru created humans on Earth as slaves to mine for gold so that the planet Nibiru would have a fixed atmosphere once more! Then, they had you humans worship them as gods and thus we get Gilgamesh being part god because he was part Anunuaki!"
The others just stared at her dumbfounded. She giggled and shook her head at them. "Never mind that," she said brightly, "I'm just an extension of the writer in a super cute, Gilgamesh from Fate/Stay Night relative type, form! Even if I look like she accidentally copied me from the good version of Sailor Galaxia!"
Once more, while Sailor Nibiru seemed to gleefully just smile at them, the group stared at her with incredulous stares. Where the hell did this crazy girl come from? Once more, the zombie like sounds of the Sailor Sues cropped up and moved closer. Sailor Nibiru got a serious look on her face and winked at them before pulling the fan out and making it giant once more. "Watch this!" Then, with a huge amount of effort, she swung the opened fan and blew every single one of the Sailor Sues away with a great big wind.
The scouts, generals, Usagi and Mamoru simply stared at her still. "Why exactly are you here, Sailor Nibiru?" asked Ami.
Nibiru smiled at them, this time a genuine one that wasn't cute or blinding. "Because I want to protect ya'll from getting hurt from the big bad bitch that's in the sky. I also like to torment the Sailor Sues when they turn into a hive like this."
And cue.
The sky grew black and a cackle rang out. The cackle grew louder as a cloud of black mist lowered down just above their heads and another sailor scout leaned over, grinning insanely at them. Dramatic music played over her cackle as her personal orchestra appeared from no where and seated themselves amongst the shrubs.
"I AM SAILORANUBIS AND I DON'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT PUTTING A SPACE IN MY NAME BECAUSE I AM SO EMO IT HURTS!" she cackled.
Nibiru smacked her over the head with the giant fan, knocking her to the ground in front of the scouts on her face. Nibiru sat atop the black mist cloud and laughed. "Hey, cool! This is like my own personal flying carpet!"
"GET OFF OF MY EVIL CLOUD OF CONFUSION, YOU CHEERLEADER LOOKING TART!" snarled Anubis as she picked herself up and pulled out a fencing sword.
"Should we stick around to watch the fight?" asked Usagi.
"Nah, let's get out of here before they take notice of us," said Mamoru. "Kunzite, Zoicite, Nephrite, Jadeite, get those Sailor Sues out of our way."
"Yes, Master," they said and pulled out their weapons. Unfortunately, when they did so, the throng of Sailor Sues headed for them turned to squealing little fangirls and trampled them. The generals cried out in horror and agony as the girls pulled at their limbs and hair to get a small token of them. Mamoru watched in stunned silence as the scouts looked on in mild interest.
"Hey! Get your hands off Nephrite!" shouted Jupiter. "SUPREME THUNDER!" A bright flash in the dark and the sues surrounding the men were evaporated. The generals scrambled back over to the scouts and hid behind them for safety.
"We girls can't handle this on our own, huh?" said Rei. "FLAME SNIPER!" Her flame arrow shot out and took out several more of the Sailor Sues, burning them up.
"My hero!" cried Jadeite as he clung to her leg.
"GET OFF OF ME!" shouted Mars as she shook her leg to force the man off of her.
"NO!" shouted Jadeite.
Anubis had enough of the playing. She stood up and threw her hand up at Sailor Nibiru. "I've had it! Take this, you cheerleader looking bitch!" She threw her hands up in front of her and pulled them down, grinning. "JACKAL'S CRY!"
The sound of a hundred hounds howling all at once resounded around the area. The scouts, generals, Usagi and Mamoru covered their ears against it while Nibiru threw her head back and howled along with it. Sailor Anubis stared at Nibiru very hard. "HOW DARE YOU MOCK MY MAGNIFICENT NON-SUE POWER!" she shouted.
"Because I was born in the Chinese year of the dog!" said Nibiru with a broad grin before she waved the massive fan and forced Anubis to her knees.
Anubis snarled and looked to the scouts, her main target. She hated the scouts and absolutely loved the idea of tormenting them until they screamed. Such pretty screams would be very pleasurable to her happy dark world inside her mind, where all that was black and insane reigned true.
Before she was smacked over the head with the fan and forced once more onto her face.
Anubis growled and pulled herself up again, glaring at Nibiru. No matter what trick she tried, Nibiru simply countered it or blocked it with that giant fan. Therefore, the only way to stop Nibiru from ruining her happy, black, dark, super demented and sadistic plans to torment and kill the scouts and the princess and prince, she would have to kill the source first.
And the writer, who, at this point, had been tiredly plodding along and trying to keep her brain moving quickly, said, "Oh shit."
With that, she disappeared in a cloud of black and the Sailor Sues fell to sleep. Nibiru frowned deeply and put the fan away. "Sorry, guys, but it seems I'll need your help this time," she said.
The scouts destroyed the rest of the Sailor Sues that had attacked them and looked to Nibiru. Usagi blinked at the girl with big eyes. "Why would you need our help, Sailor Nibiru?"
Nibiru smiled brightly and scratched the gold star on her cheek. "Well, it looks like we're going to have to break the fourth wall because Sailor Anubis, with the space in her name, is going to kill the writer of this crackfic."
"Crackfic? What are you talking about?" asked Minako.
"Crackfic as in a work of fiction that might as well have been induced by smoking crack," said Nibiru. "Now, you lot are coming with me!" Then, she held her arms out and bright wings of white appeared and wrapped around the scouts, the generals, Usagi and Mamoru and forced them all to disappear.
