N: Wow. Sorry it's been a long time on this one guys. I kind of lost my mummy muse in college life. But I think it's back!
In leiu of the third enstallment of the Mummy series coming out in a few days, I thought I'd better update. I've had most of this written for quite some time and I honestly just forgot about it.
Anyways, this pretty much has little to do with the last part besides the fact th
at it occurs on the same day.
Enjoy and please review!
The "Pleasure God" Fiasco and Other Bedtime Stories
Part Deux: Night
Chapter 1
A Regular Soirée
Rick O'Connell:
Ah, yes. Nothing like a little alcohol to get the old mouth running. I swear, one little sip and my wife's a regular chatter box. Not that she wasn't before, but let's just say that her tact pretty much goes out the window.
And me? I'm pretty good until I start singing and dancing all over the place, which I don't think I've done since I was fifteen, by the way.
Everyone else around the campfire was pretty well behaved. Well, almost everyone. Jonathan and 'well behaved' don't belong in the same sentence together.
"I love the stars," Evelyn stated, dreamily. "Don't you Rick?"
"Yeah, sure, Evelyn. They're beautiful."
"Oh? And I'm not?" Evelyn asked, glaring at her husband.
"Stop talking, now, chap," Jonathan warned. "You'll never hear the end of it."
Evelyn turned toward the fire and pouted.
"I say we tell campfire stories," Ella said, popping the cork off a bottle of Gin.
"Don't know any," Jonathan said.
Ella looked at everyone else seated around the campfire. Everyone except Evelyn either shrugged or shook their head in response. Evelyn just continued to stare at the fire, mumbling something about a divorce.
"Okay, then," Ella said, cheerfully, "how about we just talk about embarrassing stuff."
"Like what? First dates gone bad?" Rick asked.
"Yeah. I'll start," Ella said before clearing her throat. "When I was in college, I was really in danger of flunking out. I was desperate for some extra credit, so I asked my professor what I could do," She began. "So he says to me, either you can volunteer as a model, or take on a special project."
At this, I raised an eyebrow. I could just see where this was going.
"So, I ask what this special project is, and he says to meet him in his office later and bring some painting supplies."
"Something tells me you didn't just paint his portrait," I added.
"No, we ended up covered in paint, sprawled across his desk, doing you-know-what." She waggled her eyebrows to add emphasis.
"Good lord, woman," Jonathan piped in, "I hate to ask, but how does one remove paint from their nether-regions?"
"I could tell you how we did it-"
"I think I've heard enough, sis," I interrupted, officially disgusted. Sorry, but hearing about my little sister's romantic endeavors is not one of my favorite bedtime stories.
"Rick," Evelyn said in a singsong, slowly turning her head from side to side. "Why does the sky look like it's spinning?"
"Uh, hun?" I put a hand on her head to stop her from moving it.
"Oh," she smiled at me, and then leaned on my shoulder, "thanks, dear. That's much better."
"Right." I smirked at her and decided it was time for one of my famed tales. "Did you hear about the time- "
"I have a story!!" My wife shouted, jumping up from her seat and nearly knocking me backwards in the process.
"Ow," I muttered as I righted myself and rolled my eyes.
"Evy, no one wants to hear about your bloody boring romance with Daniel," Jonathan stated, emphasizing his statement with a feinted yawn.
"Oh! Jonathan, I have more class than to didul – diggulge - divulge that information."
"Well then, let's have it," my brother-in-law imposed.
"Oh, yes, of course. You see, this one time, when I was a child, I snuck into the back room at the museum and sneaked a peek at the newest eshib- ezzeb- well you get the idea."
"That's it? That's your exciting story?" Jonathan asked, eyebrows raised in amazement.
"Well, I'd like to hear you come up with a better one." Evy said, glaring at her older brother in distaste.
"On that note, and because I really don't want to hear about Jonathan's escapades either, I'll tell one." I cleared my throat, leaning forward into the fire. "Back when I first joined the Legion, while we were in France, Beni and I decided to visit a local brothel."
"Richard!" My wife shouted, as she proceeded to smack me across the face.
"Ow, Evelyn! What the hell was that for?"
"You know exactly what that was for!" She shouted as she stood started to storm off, rather clumsily, I might add, and realized she should sit back down.
"Okay," I rubbed my cheek where she struck me. "As I was saying, I hadn't quite got the hang of the French language yet."
"Oh, this ought to be good," Jonathan said, rubbing his hands together.
"Somehow I ended up telling a prostitute she looked like a foot."
Everyone laughed at this, including my wife. Sometimes I swear she has a split personality.
"Well, there's your problem, ol' chum," Jonathan said, grabbing a roasting stick and playing with the wood on the fire. "You need to learn how to talk to women."
"I don't think so, Jonathan," I said, looking to my wife, who may have been drunk at the moment and a little bit crazy, but she was still the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen. Unfortunately, she didn't hear me say that last bit out loud.
"Oh! I'll have you know, Mr. O'Connell that you can be replaced at any time," Evelyn all but shouted.
"That's not what I meant-"
"Let it go, ol' man, let it go," Jonathan said, nodding his head in my wife's direction as she was deep in conversation with Kamaria.
"Anyway, this woman tells her employer what the 'Yank' in the corner said and stalks over to attempt to break every bone in my body." I thought I heard Evelyn mutter something like 'serves him right', but I could be mistaken.
"Beni and I manage to weasel our ways out of it, by explaining to him we didn't speak French, but not before the big guy broke my nose and Beni's wrist. He did try to offer us a discount, though."
And then it happened. Ardeth, the silent man from the desert of Egypt, spoke. "I take it you told him you were too 'broke' to accept the offer?"
There was an uncomfortable silence as everyone around the fire tried to comprehend what the hell had just happened. And then, one by, we started to laugh.
AN: More to Come!
