Author's Note: I love angst. I really do. But every once in a while, I get the urge to write crack humor. So, to relieve the angstiness of this collection, please enjoy my first omake entry.
Noise Marie was a large man. Consequently, he liked large things. His room at the headquarters of the Black Order was, to his knowledge, the only room with a king-sized bed. If he were ever to buy himself a pet dog, it would be a Great Dane. When at a party with other exorcists, he preferred to drink his beer directly from the keg.
Right now, Noise Marie was indulging his penchant for large things. Komui had installed new baths for the men of the Black Order, patterned on the Asian style of public bath houses. Noise Marie had heard of public baths before – they had become popular in England a few decades ago – but he had never found an opportunity to visit one. This would be his first time.
Stripping off his clothes in the atrium, Noise set them in an alcove. He opened the sliding door into the bathing area and a fog of steam boiled out to meet him. It was deliciously hot, and Noise could already feel himself beginning to sweat as he pulled the door closed behind him.
Noise Marie also tended to dislike small things. He had never developed much interest in women, for this very reason. They were all so small, so fragile. Noise felt like he could break them like twigs, if he so desired. How could you be attracted to something you could break? No, Noise was far more attracted to men – large men. Winters Sokalo, now there was an attractive man. Built like a rock, and with the body of Hercules. If it hadn't been for Winters' sadistic streak (and the General's unhealthy obsession with blood), Noise might have even developed a thing for the man. But instead…
"Yo, Noise!" Daisya Barry pulled open the door to the baths and sauntered in. "What'cha standin' around for, Big Man? Did you want to try this out or what?" Daisya slapped his hand against Noise's naked butt. Noise grunted.
No one in the Order really understood what had brought Daisya Barry and Noise Marie together. They seemed like polar opposites in many ways. Noise: always quiet, polite, and reserved. Daisya: cheeky, insolent, and usually more concerned with playing tricks on his friends than with completing his assignments well. And there were a few in the Order who had picked up on Noise's… largesse.
When Noise didn't move toward the baths on his own, Daisya began shoving at him. Ineffectually, of course – Daisya was far too small to shove Noise around. But the corners of Noise's mouth twitched upward, and he let himself be led. Some Order members probably thought their relationship was strange, yes. But then again, they were all missing one crucial piece of information.
Noise Marie liked large things, and Daisya Barry was hung like an ox.
An extraordinarily large ox.
