Klaud Nine hated wearing black.
Why hadn't she brought an umbrella? It seemed like such a stupid thing to forget. It rained so often here, at the new headquarters. Of course it was raining. It was always raining now, ever since the day he…. Since that day. It was almost like the world was cryi…
The thought refused to finish.
She picked at the cloth of her blouse distractedly. Wet. Clingy. Uncomfortable. And black. She hated black.
It seemed so quiet here. Even with the crowd of people. Even with the steady patter of the rain. Quiet. Peaceful. No distractions. She was clear-headed. She knew she was.
Klaud's gaze wandered down. Black wooden box. She hated black. Her eyes slid over it, slid off it like the water sliding off its waxed surface. There were people around it. So many people. Her eyes drifted back toward the box, and she snapped them away. Latch onto something. Look at something. Don't look down.
There was Lenalee, kneeling next to the… kneeling on the ground. The girl's face was hidden behind her hands, and her shoulders shook.
What right does she have to cry over him? Anger. All he ever did was try to seduce her. She should be happy, shouldn't she? Klaud felt the cracks widening. Her eyes moved away quickly.
Behind the girl, behind that little trollop, her brother. Even he wore black today. Same coat as always, same little beret, but all in black. She hated black. He rested one hand on the girl's shaking shoulder, but his eyes were hard. Like steel, that one, however much he might pretend otherwise. He knew what it meant to be an exorcist, knew better than most of the exorcists themselves.
A little further on, Tiedoll. Tiedoll was weak. Tiedoll always cried. How could a man like that become a general? Always wearing his feelings on his sleeve. Klaud knew better. Klaud was strong. Her eyes fell to the box again, and the cracks widened a little further. No. Look away.
Clustered around Tiedoll, his students. Big Noise, who looked so much like Winters even if they acted nothing alike. Noise was trying to restrain his master, keep him away from the… the box. His own face looked oddly contorted.
Chaoji was there. Chaoji, whom she hardly knew. He stood a little behind Noise, his eyes vacant. Klaud didn't know if it was because he didn't care or because he didn't understand.
Kanda, too, standing a little to one side. Kanda, always apart from everyone else. He held his arms folded across his chest. He stared at the box, eyes never wavering. Klaud didn't know what he felt. Maybe Kanda didn't himself. She wondered if it mattered.
Beside her, a rustling. The Bookman, standing with his apprentice. The old man turned to go, slipping back through the crowd. He had more important work to be doing, she suspected. Surely they all had something more important to do.
The apprentice, Lavi, ignored his master's departure. Klaud looked up at him, and he met her gaze without hesitation. She felt her lungs draw breath in surprise. He seemed absorbed and distracted at the same time. Respectful and yet… not wholly there. Like he was teasing apart a knot, trying to untangle something in his own mind. He stared back at her. His eyes made her feel uncomfortable, like they were seeing inside her, beyond her. Forcibly, she broke away from his gaze.
Her eyes drifted down again. She picked at the cloth again. Where was her umbrella. Her hair felt so heavy. She felt so heavy. She looked at Lenalee again. Kneeling. Why wasn't she kneeling like that? Another crack widening.
No. She was strong. She was different. Her eyes fled from the girl, sought something else to lock onto.
Three other exorcists. Allen, Krory, Miranda. Her eyes skipped over Allen instinctively. Not his student. Don't look there.
Miranda and Krory stood together. His arm was wrapped around her shoulders, and her arm around his waist. They leaned inward, drawing support from each other, even as their heads bent away. Careful to share comfort. Careful not to share grief.
Allen drew her eyes like a lodestone, and again she tried to force them away. There was Reever, and Johnny, and the other members of the science divis…. Why were they all wearing black? She hated black. It always reminded her of…. No.
Her eyes drifted to the box. They didn't leave. She watched as the rain fell around it, fell into the hole that had been dug for it. How could he fit in a little box like that? How could he be comfortable in there?
Her dress was so wet. Her dress. Why did she have to wear a dress? She never liked dresses. But her mother had told her to wear them. Her mother had made her wear them. And then her mother had… had…. And there was another black box, and she had worn her dress. Her mother had always told her to wear a dress. Maybe if I wear a dress, Mommy will see and she'll be happy with me again. Maybe if I wear a dress, Mommy will come back.
She tugged at the dress. Wet, it clung to her chest. It clung to her hips. It was so uncomfortable. Why had she forgotten the umbrella?
He had always asked to see her in a dress.
The cracks widened. The world shattered.
The ground was wet. She was sitting on a tangled heap of legs. Arms were clutched around her chest. She couldn't breathe. Her mouth opened, gulping for air. Too much rain. She was drowning. Why couldn't she breathe? Why did her eyes hurt? She felt her vocal cords stretch, strain, so taut they could snap.
"I wore my dress," she tried to whisper. "I want you to see it."
She loved her dress. She was so pretty in her dress. Black was her favorite color.
Why wasn't he there to see it?
