A/N: Hello All! So … I'm officially through with classes! Yay! Everyone dance with me! Or at least humor me so I don't feel stupid!
Anywho… I still have exams and such this week so I can't jump straight into "I'm crazy writing fool" mode just yet! But soon! Soon!
Thank you all so much for the reviews! I tried to reply to those of you that I could… and for those anonymous reviewers out there… THANK YOU!
On… with the story! Oh yeah! And from now on the story will most likely be in the POV's of Draco and Hermione (I will label them!)
Recap: She took in the scars and scratches on his face and the unshed tears in his eyes and she felt something swell deep in her chest, something she never in a million years thought she would feel for Malfoy… Pity.
Hidden
Chapter Four
SPG
(Hermione's POV)
My eyes are locked on him. I can feel the dull thud of his pulse as I grip his wrist, a wrist that had previously been mauling the body to which it belonged.
Something about him… as he sat there numbly… it captured me. Even though the man that sat before me was a pitiful shadow of his former self, I was fascinated.
I found myself doing what I can never resist the urge to do—studying.
I studied his tame gaze that was at the same time both lifeless and haunting. I examined the contours of his face—now sallow and sunken from his stay in the ward.
I looked around the room at the small standard issue bed, chair, sink, and toilet (all of which were magically bound the walls). I did not envy his situation… not that I'd ever envied Malfoy.
Okay… so maybe a couple times in potions when he got perfect scores without any effort because Snape was a bigoted bastard… but that's beside the point.
I took a deep breath and reminded myself that I had a job to do—a job that did not consist of standing and gawking at my former enemy… uh, present enemy… I mean patient… oh Hell! Malfoy… I can't stand here and gawk at Malfoy!
Maybe if I work patiently with him for the next few hours, I can get at least one of the millions of questions swirling in my head answered.
I stand up and say, "Malfoy?"
I watch curiously as he breathes deeply, closes his eyes, and… did he just GROWL at me?
Seriously? Was that a growl or am I crazy?
"Malfoy?" I ask again.
And this time I'm certain… he is definitely growling at me. I place my hand on his trying to calm him again, when he lurches into an all out bark.
Draco Malfoy… Mr. I'm so rich I could wipe my pale little ferret ass with hundred dollar bills… is barking at me… like… like a dog.
If only Ron could see him now.
That was an awful thing to say! Stupid! Bad Healer! Awful Person for taking advantage of a helpless patient! I should slap myself!
SLAP
Holy bleeding hell mother of Merlin, that hurt!
And wait a second… I DIDN'T EVEN DO THAT!
Which means… Malfoy/ Ferret/ Raving Lunatic/ Dog Boy… just slapped me.
It's taking every single bloody ounce of my maturity not to slap the little cockroach across the face.
Merlin, why me? Really? I'm a good person, aren't I? I helped Harry defeat Voldemort. I fought for House Elf Rights. I don't drink… except those few times when I was really really pissed off. I don't sleep around… except for those few times when I was really pissed off, got totally pissed, and well… yeah.
But do I really deserve this?
I garner all my will-power, tackle Malfoy to the floor, and scream, "Calm down Draco!"
And again, he miraculously complies.
Reluctantly, I'm beginning to realize, that it may be for the best to part with my habit of calling him Malfoy… or Ferret… or cockroach… or bastard… or any other name for that matter, and just call him Draco.
I sigh… realizing that I've quiet literally tackled my patient to the floor (-1 for Hermione Granger, 1 billion for who ever the fuck decided to make Malfoy my patient). I obviously lose.
I pull myself up off the floor and groan.
Malfoy's laying flat on the floor, and I try to tug him up by his hand, but he's dead weight.
Mumbling obscenities under my breath, I wrap my arms around his waist and prepare to heave him up off the floor…
"If Harry could see me now…" I mutter.
(DRACO'S POV)
I feel… pathetic. I'm like some weak little toddler hiding from the monsters that go bump in the night. Here I am hiding in a dark and twisted cavern of my own mind trying to escape the voices in my head.
Stupid fucking father and his stupid fucking spell.
Draco Malfoy is not pathetic. I am not weak and I am certainly not… pitiable.
I fought it. I fought it for months. I thought, surely if I could escape being captured by Voldemort for three bloody years, I could handle a couple voices.
But this spell…. It's different. It's not like the imperious… I can fight that off. I have absolutely no control over my body… it's like my mind and body have been completely detached and I no longer have control.
It's an ironic punishment for a Malfoy—always calm, collected, and in control—to be at the mercy of stupid fucking voices.
Like I said… I tried to overcome it. But it was like watching someone else (some crazy motherfucker) living in your body. It was worse than watching that reality television crap that those muggles watch (yes… I know what t.v. is! When you're on the run, you don't have much choice about where and with whom you seek refuge).
After watching yourself beat, uh, yourself and do insane things for so long, you start to think that maybe it would just be easier to really go crazy. You start to long so much for an ounce of normalcy that you're almost willing to sacrifice your own sanity for the sake of familiarity.
The more I tried to fight it, the more hold it had on me. When it became so difficult that I nearly surrendered to it, I decided that my Malfoy ways would just have to burn in hell. Damn my pride and damn my control—I decided to run.
And that's why I'm here, hiding like the wretched creature that my father made me.
What were the voices like? It's hard to say. Sometimes I heard the voice of my father… or Severus. Sometimes I heard Dumbledore on that tower, I heard him offering me protection over and over again. Sometimes I could hear Potter…. And believe me that annoyed me to no end. Then there was Granger…I had far too much of her annoying know-it-all tone.
Other times… it wasn't a particular voice… it was just THE voice. I believe it even had a name… figures, even the voices in my head are so fucking cocky.
But the voices were nothing… some of them brought back memories I'd rather not face, but I could deal with that. Others annoyed me to no end, but I could deal with that too. It was knowing that the voices controlled your body completely and having to watch it that made you want to sell your sanity for a second of silence.
I shudder when I think about what my body may be doing at this very moment, while I'm sitting here holed up in some cramped room in my mind, unwilling to come out. As strange as it may sound, even though I can no longer hear those commands or watch helplessly as my body gives in, I can still feel it. I can feel the spell as it infiltrates farther and farther into my mind. Damn my father! Damn him!
But hell… I can handle it…after all I'm a Mal—shit. That doesn't work anymore now does it? I'm not a Malfoy anymore… and I won't ever be.
But I'm still Draco. And I can still handle anything that stupid spells throws at me.
So I may have to chill here in a subconscious chair in a subconscious room in… well… my subconscious, but I'm still me.
I'm still cool, smart, and damn sexy. But I know I don't have to convince you all of that.
Bloody Hell! Who am I kidding? I miss my body! I miss tasting food and seeing the sun. I miss reading and even studying. And damn do I miss sex!
Hold on.
Wait. Am I going crazy? I must be… I've finally cracked. Any minute now I'm going to do something crazy like I don't know… weaving baskets upside down and underwater.
I must be crazy… it's the only explanation because… because I can't feel it.
If I didn't want to get my hopes up I'd swear the spell was gone.
I tentatively open the metaphorical door of the metaphorical room in my mind and then I find myself running.
But I'm not running because I'm scared. I'm happier than I've been in years.
Imagine a subconscious little Draco skipping through the figurative hallway of my mind—quite a sight, eh?
I'm getting closer and I can actually hear my own laughter. Laughter not caused by some spell, but by my pure undulating joy.
And that's when I hear her voice… Granger. She says something about, "If Potter could see me now…"
And suddenly I'm terrified. The spell… I can't feel it… but I just heard Granger's voice plain as day. Maybe I really am crazy. Maybe this spell has just gotten smarter and tricked me. I begin to panic.
That's when I see through my own eyes for the first time in Merlin knows how long.
And I see her. So I'm not just hearing Granger's voice in my head (well I am… but his time she's really there)!
I want to scream and kick and shout, but all I can manage to do is mutter with a voice that hasn't spoken intelligible words in months, "Granger?"
Her head snaps up to meet mine… and I see… bloody hell, she's studying me! Stupid bookworm. Well… smart bookworm…. Oh whatever!
Then I see recognition followed by surprise in her eyes.
"Malfoy?" she asks.
She's knows…. She knows it's really me. I can see in her eyes that she understands that this me is different from the other me… the crazy me.
I can't believe I'm going to say this… but Thank Merlin for Hermione Granger's brain!
All thoughts of why Granger is here fly from my mind.
I open my mouth to tell her all about my father, and the spell, and demand that she help me (while throwing in a couple of insults of course), but then everything changes.
In a moment, everything comes rushing back at me and I can feel the spell like a pressure pushing in on me.
And I know the spell's back. But this time I'm not running. Something is happening… something about the spell is weaker, and there's no way in bloody hell that I'm going to hide away again.
A/N: I'm not very happy with this chapter… but I needed to get it out there so I could continue moving with the story. I know the whole bit about him being in his mind is a bit confusing; hell it's confusing to write it.
But soon, we'll be jumping right into the story… this was the last of the "set-up" chapters.
About the other story…the seer story… I can't get the freaking thing out of my mind. I'm thinking about that story rather than sleeping at night, it's ridiculous. But I can't make up my mind about several things. Would you all prefer a humor/romance or a drama/romance? If there's anyone who is interested, I'd love to have someone to throw around some ideas with and maybe get some opinions.
Anywho… I was disappointed with this chapter… hopefully you all weren't. Feel free to review and give your opinion and/or suggestions!
Love, Peace, Potter!
SPG
