Haha, I wonder if anyone would still read this...I'm so bad with updating. . The truth is, I had this done about a week ago, but I didn't have time to submit it. (hides) Anyway, so many votes. . Thank you all SO VERY MUCH. I thought I was gonna faint when I was adding up all the votes. You guys are great. (bows)
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.
Before the ultimate clash between Hyuuga and Uchiha could commence, the next host for the following award cleared his throat.
"Hey, old man!" Naruto exclaimed, waving his arms crazily. "Long time no see!"
"Sarutobi," Orochimaru grinned, "How's the afterlife treating you?"
"Ha-ha," the deceased Sandaime rolled his eyes, "Very nicely, actually. Of course, you wouldn't need to know about heaven since you're going to a very, very different place." His dark expression changed immediately as he put on a wide smile and said, "The next award is the Most Accomplished Award! I know that many of you young shinobi have progressed very well and are still progressing! It does my old heart well to see how far you've gotten! Why, I remember back when I was still living in this world—"
"JUST TELL US WHO WON ALREADY!" screamed a very impatient voice from the audience. Probably Naruto. Or Sasuke.
"Fine," Sarutobi said, looking offended. "The nominees for the Most Accomplished Award are Naruto Uzumaki…"
"Damn straight!" Naruto nodded with satisfaction.
"Sabaku no Gaara…"
"Well obviously!" Matsuri said, gazing at Gaara lovingly. "You'll definitely win, Gaara-sama!"
"Maybe," Gaara said obliviously.
"Haruno Sakura…"
Sakura offered a small smile. "Don't think you'll win this one, Naruto," she said. "This one's MINE."
"Eheh…Good luck, Sakura-chan," Naruto said nervously, inching away from the pinkette.
"…And Tsunade!"
"Ooh Tsunade-sama! You got nominated!" Shizune said excitedly, turning to the current Hokage. She frowned.
SNORT. "Wha…?" Tsunade, pink-cheeked, wiped the drool from her mouth. "Whazzhappening?"
Shizune slapped her forehead and sighed.
"And the winner is…" Sandaime announced, "…Sabaku no Gaara!"
"YAY GAARA-SAMAAA!" Gaara's fangirls squealed as they waved foam fingers and giant signs that read "I HEART GAARA-SAMA" in the air.
Naruto groaned and slammed his head against the table. "Why does…everything happen to him…?"
"Well…he is Kazekage…" Sakura said, clapping politely. But I'm the apprentice of the Sannin and Hokage! I'm a genius medical ninja, damn it! Doesn't that count for something?! SHANAROOOO! It seems Inner Sakura hasn't left the planet quite yet…
"Excellent job, Gaara," Sandaime smiled, handing him his award. "I'm sure you have a stunning speech to give everyone!" He passed the microphone to Gaara.
Gaara stared at the crowd for a second then smiled the tiniest smile in the world. It was so small, only the people in the front could see it, and of course, his fangirls that can sense every tingle of satisfaction in their precious Gaara-sama.
"EEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Girls were fainting everywhere.
"All that for a smile?" Kankuro gaped, clueless.
"Thank you very much," Gaara said into the microphone. Then he walked offstage.
"Not much of a speech…" Temari remarked. She raised an eyebrow at the CONSCIOUS fangirls who were squealing and giggling. "Ridiculous, huh Kankuro? Kankuro?" She turned to her brother who was sulking in the corner muttering: "Gaara this, Gaara that, what about Kankuro?" Temari sighed.
It was then a ray of light broke through a window and a tall figure descended from the heavens. There stood…ZABUZA!!
"Evening, everyone," Zabuza said with a wave. "This next award is for—HEY! YOU!" He pointed at Suigetsu who had the blankest look on his face. "He stole that sword from my grave, bastard! Don't you know a damned thing about the consequences of grave-robbing?! You'd better put that back where you found it, punk!"
"Yeah, so?" Suigetsu smirked. "What're you gonna do if I don't, old man?"
"I'll take my sword back myself and shove it up your—"
"Pst! Zabuza!" Jiraiya hissed. "You know the rules! Just present the damned award, will you?!"
Zabuza grimaced. "The next award is for the Most Memorable Death," he said emotionlessly.
"That's pretty depressing," Sakura whispered to Ino.
"Well yeah, but this'll give Asuma-sensei a chance to win something he deserves!" Ino whispered back.
"Nominees are Haku, Sarutobi Asuma, Jiraiya, and Deidara."
"Slow down! Give them suspense!" Jiraiya ordered.
"I will not," Zabuza growled.
"Good luck, Asuma-sensei!" Chouji said.
"Anyone want to wish me luck?" Deidara said. "Sasori? How about you?"
"No."
"Aw, you're just mad because you weren't nominated, aren't you?" Deidara laughed.
Sasori glared at Deidara. "How dare you."
Deidara frowned when Sasori turned his back on him.
"And the winner is," Zabuza said, eyes darting across the scroll, "…Jiraiya!"
"ALL RIGHT!" Jiraiya cheered as he hopped up onto the stage to receive his award. Shoving Zabuza out of the way, he took the microphone and spoke loudly, "Thanks everybodaay! This was the right choice! The death of someone as great as I is always memorable! No contest!"
As Jiraiya continued to babble on, Asuma, though he would never admit it, was trying to burn a hole in Jiraiya's big head with his glaring skillz. It wasn't working.
"Oh, that's all right, Asuma-sensei," Ino said, patting her former sensei on the back. "We'll always remember you, right guys?"
"Of course!" Chouji nodded. He looked over at Shikamaru who had pretty much conked out several awards ago and jabbed him roughly in the stomach.
"ERK—Yeah, yeah!" Shikamaru nodded abruptly.
"Gee. Thanks guys," Asuma said half-heartedly.
"And furthermore—" Jiraiya continued.
"GET OFF THE STAGE!"
After Jiraiya was sufficiently chased off the stage by barrages of flying kunai, shuriken, and dinner plates, Pein came onstage again. Instead of the spiky-haired Pein, however, his form with the ponytail with a different number of piercings showed up.
"The next award is the Best Akatsuki Member Award," Pein said, "reserved for only Akatsuki members."
"OBJECTION!" Naruto shouted, slamming his fist on the table. "What's with the award for ONLY the Akatsuki members?! That's too specific!"
"You didn't have a problem with this last time…" Kakashi reminded Naruto.
"Oh. Yeah. Never mind." Naruto sat back down as if his outburst was nothing.
"Moving on…" Pein coughed. "The nominees are…Tobi…"
"Tobi's a good boy!" Tobi clapped, "See, Zetsu-san? I got nominated like I told you!"
"…Great, Tobi…" Zetsu sighed. "Why don't we eat him? Because he's so unappetizing. Besides, I'm not hungry."
"Itachi…"
"Naturally," Itachi said.
"LOSER!" Sasuke called, making a face at Itachi. "You got NOTHING on me!"
Itachi frowned. "Are you high, little brother?"
"Shut up!"
"…Myself," Pein said, looking satisfied, "And…Hidan."
"That's right! The gods have blessed me," Hidan nodded.
"Screw your gods," Kakuzu said gruffly.
"Jealousy is a sin," Hidan said, crossing his arms. "I can't believe you're my partner."
Kakuzu rolled his eyes, "I was going to say the same thing!"
"And the winner is…" Pein frowned. "…Tobi."
Silence filled the room.
"YAY!" Tobi tripped over himself on the way onto the stage, but he was too happy to care. He skipped up to Pein, gave him a BIG hug, and waved his award in the air. "Tobi wins! Tobi wins!" He started to do a victory dance, but Pein kicked him off the stage and back into his seat. What a bummer.
However, Tobi was able to bounce right back into his carefree mood.
"Look, Zetsu-san! Tobi won the Best Akatsuki Member Award! Is Zetsu-san PROUD?!"
"…Sure…Tobi…" Zetsu said painfully. Who the hell votes in these awards anyway?
"Looks like you've been losing a lot lately, eh, Itachi?" Sasuke smirked.
"Shut up, Sasuke." Itachi was about to open up a can of whupass on Sasuke, but he stopped himself for various reasons…One being that the next award was about to be presented by none other than Yondaime Hokage.
"Hello, everyone," Yondaime waved, "This award will be presented to the one with the best goal! Every shinobi has a dream they work towards, and yet this one rises above all with this individual's strength and determination! The nominees are…Hyuuga Hinata…"
A wave of blush spread over Hinata's face and she smiled quietly.
"Ah…Your dream to get stronger, eh, Hinata?" Kiba grinned. "That's definitely worth being nominated for. Hell, it's worth winning."
"M-Maybe," Hinata stuttered.
"…Rock Lee…"
"Yes! My goal to become an excellent ninja without ninjutsu and genjutsu will PROSPER!" Lee stated.
"Lee! You make me so proud!"
"Gai-senseeeeiii!"
Yeah…Let's just skip this bit…
"…Uzumaki Naruto…"
"Yeah! I'm gonna be Hokage!" Naruto proclaimed.
As he didn't state it enough already, Sakura slapped her forehead. Now they're gonna award him for it too?!
"…Uchiha Sasuke…"
"Well, well," Sasuke said.
"Get over yourself, Sasuke!" Naruto ordered.
"And the winner is…Uzumaki Naruto!" Yondaime announced with a grin.
"WOOHOO!"
"Here's your award," Yondaime said, "I'm proud, son."
"Thanks, I really—did you just call me 'son'?" Naruto said, wide-eyed.
Oh crap, he's not supposed to know yet! Yondaime thought. "Of course! All citizens of Konoha are my children! It's a Hokage thing."
"Oh, okay!"
"Smooth," Jiraiya chuckled.
"Man…I'm sorry, Hinata," Kiba said, "Looks like Naruto beat you this time…"
"O-Oh, that's all right," Hinata said, smiling. "I-I think Naruto-kun deserves to win. H-His dream is better than mine…b-by far. C-Congratulations, Naruto-kun," she said as Naruto passed.
"Thanks, Hinata! So what do you think, Sakura-chan? Pretty cool, huh?" Naruto said, showing off his award. "I'm the first one of our team to get one!"
"Sure, Naruto," Sakura sighed.
"Congratulations," Sai said. "That reminds me. I've never been to these awards. Is there an award for biggest—"
"SHUT UP, SAI."
I really wanted to see the clash between Hyuuga and Uchiha, but we all know that's never gonna happen now. Yondy made his appearance! YAY! Naruto's so dense. And Gaara's the new Sasuke. :D It's too bad the girls don't know how he'd look in an ACADEMY. Who else saw the Konoha Gakuen Den Special? I couldn't stop laughing at the Sand Sibs. XD (Sorry, Kyoko!) 'Course, they were just a bonus to Orochimaruko and Kabuko. (shiver)
And now for the next round of awards...(because image is OH SO IMPORTANT!!)
PRETTIEST KUNOICHI
HOTTEST SHINOBI
SEXIEST VOICE (suggested by Amaya Zorifuki)
CRAZIEST FACE
BEST GLARE (because I think the evil in Gaara's glare has died down quite a bit)
Sheesh, I hope there'll be some votes. XD Sigh...Can't really expect much, after such a long wait, after all. Well, until next time!
-HM
