Bleeding Mascara
Chapter One: Made of Scars
This one had it coming. This one found a vein, this one was an accident, but never gave me pain. This one was my fathers and this one you can't see. This one had me scared to death, but I guess I should be glad I'm not dead!!
I sit alone in my room doing the same thing I do almost every night now. Towels to my left, gaze to the right, and my weapon of choice in front of me. Tonight that weapon is my mother's letter opener. Not that sharp so it should give me pain. Its funny it barely hurts anymore. They hurt afterwards, but during the stride I don't feel a thing.
Tonight's for what he did, for what he promised. Should have known he wouldn't follow through with it, but I hoped he would. Would have been the first time I saw him all year. I didn't even see him at Christmas last year, or Thanksgiving this year. He canceled like he always does, to busy with his rock star life to spend one day with his daughter.
I'm going to make it deep tonight, have it feel all my pain. No short strides, no just prick the skin. No, its long and deep tonight. When I'm laying back on the floor with the towel catching my blood, that's when ill feel again. When I feel the pain of not having a caring father, but right now I'm numb. I'm ready, ready for the letter opener to touch my arm. Ready for the blood, ready for the scars, I'm ready for it all.
Sometimes I wish someone would see, see the scars up and down my left arm. Wish someone would care enough to make me stop. But that won't happen, so till then I'm going to be 'Ashley Davies the cutter, the drug addict, the fuck up.'
This one was the first one, this one had a vice. This one here I like to rub on dark and stormy nights. This one was the last one, I don't remember how. But I remember blood and rain, AND I NEVER SAW IT COMING AGAIN Yeah, Cut right into me. Yeah, Cause I am made of scars. Yes, I am made of scars
