A Novel Idea

Chapter Six

"Klinger, you're not a'sposed to put yourself into the story!" Radar complained after he finished reading.

"Says who? I don't remember that rule. We're not supposed to write about Korea or the war. Nobody said nothin' about keeping our names out of it." The hairy corporal stalked off before Radar could say anything more.

Radar sighed and shook his head, thinking, Amateur! He remembered a lot from his correspondence course with the Famous Las Vegas Writers School, but he also remembered that Colonel Potter had said, "Just be yourself." He thought long and hard, and then he smiled and started to write.


Harvey walked into Gloria's apartment with a strange woman by his side. "Gloria," he said, pointing at the woman, "this is Edna, and she's a sykick."

(Radar didn't think that looked right, so he had to spend the next 10 minutes searching for a dictionary, finally finding one in the Swamp. Then for another 20 minutes he tried to find the word he wanted in the S section. Then Cap'n Hunnicutt came in and asked if there was something he could help with. After Radar explained, B.J. said, "Look under P." Talk about a lot of time wasted trying to get help from the dang dictionary!)

"She's a psychic?" asked Gloria. "What do we need her for?"

"She's going to solve your case. She does that—she can use her ESP to tell who's committing crimes when the police are stumped. And like that."

Gloria gave him a weird look. "But nobody's trying to kill me anymore, remember?"

Harvey said, "I know, but the press will keep on bugging you about this until the person is caught, so we might as well get him caught, don't you think?"

"Oh, all right," Gloria finally agreed. Wanting to be neighborly, she got her guest a Grape Nehi from the fridge. "What do you need me to do, Edna?"

"Just give me your hand, child," the psychic said in a low, spooky voice. "I will get my visions from the touch of your hand."

Gloria thought that sounded like a bunch of hooey, but she held out her hand anyhow, and the psychic took hold of it. In no time at all, the psychic began to get all shaky and red in the face, and Gloria said, "What? What is it, Edna?"

"I know who was trying to kill you! A man named Charles Lamb was hired to kill you, but it wasn't his idea. Honest. The person who hired him was…"

"Who? Who?" asked Gloria, practically jumping out of her skin.

"That farmgirl you used to be best friends with back in Ottumwa, Iowa, when you were growing up. Her name is something like Susan or Sarah…"

"Sally?"

"Yes. Sally. She's very jealous that you grew up to be such a big movie star, and so pretty, and popular all over the world, while she still has to work on a farm in Ottumwa, from dawn until late at night, working her fingers to the bone. She's very jealous, and she wanted you dead!"

Gloria sat back and let out an "Oof!" of surprise. She hadn't even thought about Sally from Ottumwa in years and years. "I can't believe it. Poor, poor Sally."

Harvey patted her on the shoulder. "More like sick, sick Sally. We have to report this to the Iowa police, and they'll take her into custardy

(Radar didn't realize the misspelling.)

and she will have to go to jail, Gloria. She did a bad thing and she has to pay for it."

Gloria sat there and shook her head, sad to think that an old friend of hers had tried to have her killed and that she would have to go to jail, and then who would take care of her farm?

Harvey turned to the psychic. "Thank you for being the hero, Edna. People with ESP are very special and gifted and shouldn't be taken for granted. We appreciate your good work."