It's nearly 8:30pm by the time Lucy is down for the night. Mum and Dad finally left at about 4pm. I didn't think Mum would ever actually leave, she kept fussing over Lucy, telling me the same things over and over until Dad put his foot down and made her get in the car. Lucy remained totally oblivious to it all, not batting an eyelid as her -our mother disappeared from view. The Doctor stayed in the background as much as he could but he couldn't avoid a massive hug from Mum who was acting like she was going away for at least a month, not two days.
We have spent the rest of the afternoon in an uncharacteristically domestic scene, playing with the baby, talking about old times, joking and laughing and just enjoying each other's company. I'm not sure either of us can really believe we are actually together again. The undercurrent of sexual tension that had become part of our relationship is stronger than ever. Every touch, every glance feels charged with electricity and I think we both know resolution is now only a matter of time.
The Doctor is not in the kitchen or living room or anywhere else when I come downstairs from settling the baby. The only clue to his whereabouts is the heavy velvet curtain over the French windows in the dining room that's moving slightly in the breeze. I can't help but smile to myself as I flick the baby monitor on and grab a coat.
He is standing on the deck that overlooks the garden below. The sky is clear and totally unspoilt by light pollution. It took Mum and me a little while to get used to the pitch black of night time in the county but I spent many an hour staring up at the stars, thinking about the Doctor, wondering what he was doing, my heart aching to see him again. And now he is right here, staring up at those very same stars.
He doesn't turn his head as I open the door wider and step out into the freezing cold air but the slight change in his body language tells me he knows I am here. I stand next to him and mirror his pose. The stars are super bright tonight and the moon is huge. We stand in comfortable silence for a while, both lost in our thoughts. "She asleep?" he asks eventually.
"Yeah, she was out like a light, think we wore her out." I sneak a glance sideways and catch him grinning, then his face changes and he's looking at me with such tenderness and pride.
"You're so good with her Rose, you'll make a wonderful mother one day." I'm blushing, I'm actually blushing. When did I become all coy and girly?
"Well I can't believe how quickly she's taken to you, you're her new favorite person." He looks more than a little chuffed at this and a wave of adoration surges through me.
A silence falls between us again for several minutes and when he speaks again his voice is thick with emotion. " I almost gave up when I lost you Rose. I very nearly lost control." He rubs his face with his hands and takes a breath. "Losing you made me question everything, everything I was, everything I am, everything I ever did……" He pauses and his voice is so quiet I can barely hear him. "Everything I should have done."
He's
fiddling with the wooden deck rail, tracing the grain with his finger
nail, back and forth back and forth. "I've
always lived my life according to my beliefs and values, some of them
long held, passed down through generations of Gallifreyans, some of
them gained through 900 years of life experience. Nobody has ever
challenged those beliefs and values the way you have Rose Tyler."
He
still doesn't look at me, his apparent fascination with the wood
grain still too strong. "I've
always kept a professional distance with my companions. Oh I've
grown to care about them, deeply in some cases. I would have risked
my life for every one of them but there was a line I never ever
crossed. I honestly believed it made things easier when it was time
to say goodbye. I missed them all of course but I moved on, I had to.
But when you were gone I realized that I'd wasted so much time by
stubbornly sticking to my principles as my feelings for you grew and
grew, because you see…."
He
is standing in front of me now. He reaches for my hands and holds
them, his eyes still doing their best to avoid mine. "I
realized that loosing you didn't hurt any less because I wouldn't
cross that stupid bloody line with you." His
eyes lift to meet mine and the undiluted love I see there is
overwhelming. "But now I have
a second chance and I'm not going to waste another second."
His hand brushes gently down my cheek and then his head is tilting and his lips are moving closer to mine and then he's kissing me, oh my god he's kissing me, soft, gentle, chaste kisses, again and again and then firmer, his mouth opening to get a better angle. His hands are in my hair, mine are on his hips. He shifts closer and I feel the tip of his tongue teased my lip for a second and then…. Oh god this man can kiss. My heart is thumping and my knees may fail at any minute but I never want to stop kissing him. Eventually though we break apart, gasping from lack of oxygen and a rather large amount of lust. He rests his forehead against mine, while we both catch our breath, then he's kissing his way down my face, over my check and round to my neck, then he whispers softly in my ear. "I love you."
