Disclaimer: as I'm sure you all know Star Trek isn't mine.
Author's note: I'm completly disregarding any information given outside the TV-show, such as the name of Janeway's sister.
The water of the lake was lapping peacefully against the shore, while the stars in the clear, dark sky gave only a hint of the life out there in the distance. From far away an owl could be heard in the loneliness of the night. Backed up against a weeping willow, Kathryn was taking refuge in this void from human interaction.
She desperately needed to clear her mind. Unfortunately, that was a hard thing to do while contemplating her every life decision. What would her life have been like, had she not got stranded in the Delta Quadrant, had someone else been given the assignment of arresting Chakotay and his Maquis crew? Quite likely she would have been married to Mark, maybe even had a child or two. I've often thought of having children. I should have liked that a great deal. Liked it? She'd yearned for it. Now, it would never happen. A distinct feeling of loss filled her. The only question was how she could lose something she'd never had.
Granted, so many good things had happened to her and to her crew in the Delta Quadrant as well, and they'd even become quite a family. Then again, that was all gone now: the closeness to her crew. There were strong doubts in her about the truth of the ancient saying: it's better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all. At the moment, they were all still together at HQ, but soon she'd loose each one in turn as they scattered all over the Alpha Quadrant. She'd already lost Chakotay, just as she'd been about to cross the finish line.
So she'd thought anyway. Just when it seemed possible to accept his relationship with Seven, that maybe happiness without him was possible, he'd indicated that perhaps she didn't have to.
One would have thought that after seven years in space, she'd be sick and tired of looking at the stars, but strangely enough, she wasn't. The stars had always given her peace, especially when viewed from Earth. Despite the stars, however, this night her mind was so chaotic she didn't notice the dark, handsome man coming up behind her.
"Hello, Kathryn. I thought I'd find you here."
"Chakotay! What the hell are you doing here?!"
"Your sister called me. She's really worried about you. Why didn't you tell anyone where you were going?"
"Loreen is going to pay for this." Her head hit the trunk in resignation. "Obviously I wanted to be alone."
"Obviously." He was still standing behind her, but she could feel him watching her closely.
"What do you want?" Kathryn asked, breaking the silence, clearly irritated.
"To make sure I can truthfully tell your mother and sister you're okay."
"How very thoughtful of you." The sarcasm was almost visible.
"Are you?"
"Am I what?"
"Okay. Are you okay?"
"Sure."
"That's not very convincing."
"Please. Just go back to San Fransisco and tell Mom and Loreen that I'm fine."
"I'm worried too you know. So I won't go until I'm thoroughly convinced."
"Well, I guess you'll be here a while then."
"If that's what it takes." He settled down beside her, resting comfortably against the big, steady tree and letting his gaze follow hers through the overhanging branches of the willow to the stars above. "Magnificent, aren't they?" It wasn't really a question.
"Yes, they are."
"Do you miss them? Being close to them?"
"Sometimes. They've always been part of my life. A part of me." Her eyes hit the ground instead. This was getting really personal. She knew he knew it wasn't just the stars they were talking about. How something that was once so comfortable and natural could now be making her feel timid and shy was beyond her at the moment.
Sensing how uncomfortable she was at this renewed intimacy, Chakotay turned his head to look at the breathtaking woman beside him. He cupped her chin in his hand and turned her head to look at him. Though insisting on keeping her eyes on the ground between them at first, she felt the walls start to crumble and reluctantly met his gaze once again. He understood completely, like no one else ever could. Her heart racing like mad, she leaned in towards him, a single tear rolling down her cheek. He didn't stop her. Lips meeting, it was as if they were both back up amongst the stars, and the stars were dancing just for them.
Having endured thus far, all Kathryn's remaining walls crumbled entirely. The kiss, the most wonderful kiss she'd ever experienced, only grew in intensity until they both needed to catch their breath.
"That was wrong," Kathryn said as soon as her respiration had steadied. She had to bite her tongue not to voice the other thought on her mind.
"What? Oh, you mean with regards to Seven." He wanted to finally tell her in words exactly how he really felt, if such a thing was indeed possible, but knew this was not the time.
"Yes."
"I know, and I'm sorry, I know you love her, and so do I, but not like that. Not in the romantic sense. I never have; I've known that for weeks now. On some level I've always known."
"Then why?"
"Why what?"
"Why are you still dating her, still leading her on if you know you're not right for each other?"
"It seems wrong to cut her loose in a world so unfamiliar to her. There's a huge difference between living on a ship with less than two hundred crewmembers, and Earth with billions of people."
"I know. And I don't want you to hurt her. I couldn't accept your leaving her unless you really did have to or she'd made it clear that she doesn't love you either."
"I know. That's probably the biggest reason why we are still together. However, I don't see it lasting much longer under any circumstances. She seems pretty distant herself these days, and I know she's been hiding something the last few weeks. I don't see any outcome but the two of us making a mutual decision or her dumping me, bluntly and efficiently."
"I can't help but hope you're right. And the latter does sound like Seven." She couldn't suppress a small giggle. One thing was certain: Seven would always strive for efficiency. The thought of knowing her charge so well slightly lightened Kathryn's mood.
Silence fell again for a few minutes, until Chakotay spoke once more. "You still haven't told me what made you run away."
"Nothing. Everything…seeing you again. At least, that's what tipped me over the edge."
"How so?"
She related to him what her mind had been going through prior to his arrival.
"I see. So what you do you wish to do now?"
"I think you know what I wish to do. However, what I must do is let you go back to Seven to find out how committed she is to you."
"Won't you come back with me? Seven's been missing you too. Seeing you again might help her cope."
"Even if she figures out I'm her competition?" She eyed Chakotay skeptically.
"But you're not. There is no competition. Seven and I would probably be splitting up with or without you in the picture. We're just not right for each other." Kathryn desperately wanted him to be right.
"Well, if you really believe that, I think I will go see her. I've missed her as well."
"You're coming back with me then?"
"I suppose I am. Been here for the past three weeks and it hasn't gotten me anywhere."
"Good. And please let me know if there's anything I can do to help."
"Thanks. I'll try to remember that." At that, Chakotay stood, then offered his hand to his former CO to assist her in doing the same. To his delight she accepted it. They could both swear they felt a small jolt of electricity at the touch of each other's hands, causing Kathryn first to hesitate, then to rise a little too quickly. As a result, she swayed with dizziness and threatened to wind up back down on the ground before Chakotay caught her in his arms. What had been a mere spark was now a wave of emotions. Kathryn's willpower was just barely enough to keep her from leaning in that little extra to kiss her beloved a second time. "Wow, this is awfully familiar," she joked instead in a desperate attempt to cool the air.
"Uh-huh," was all Chakotay managed. The full moon far above them seemed to push him towards her. He could barely resist. However, he just about managed to settle for resting his hand at her spine and guiding her back to civilization, hopeful that before long they'd be able to continue where they'd left off.
