Arturia didn't go to school the next day, nor the day after. The blossoming of new (or old) memories continued, and rather then suffer through them in class, she decided to let them haunt her in the privacy of her apartment instead. Cabin fever struck on her second day of absence, prompting her to wander around Fuyuki instead.
A half an hour of moving through the city only made "the Remembrance" worse. Her past experiences in Fuyuki as Saber came to her very easily now as she took in familiar surroundings of the city, and she found she couldn't help but remember her time from before. She found herself retracing steps she had taken as Saber, 'date' spots she had visited with Shirou as well as locations she had visited during the Fourth Grail War.
Much of the time she had spent in the first two Grail Wars were now available to her, freely spilling forth and immersing her brain with new knowledge. She remembered nearly everything now.
Her time as King Arthur, however... Those memories came to her with much less frequency. Only vague details and glimmers of faces hovered in the back of her mind. Slipping into her memories of Saber was easy, but her the King's memories were eluding here. She was sure the Fuyuki's familiarity was a lot to do with how quickly she was remembering it.
She stopped to admire the view ahead of her. Just across the railing, was a downed ship was jutting out of the water, brutally split into two. She couldn't quite place it, but she knew it was significant somehow.
She sighed, and began considering her past, as well as her future. She remembered Shirou clearly now, everything they've been through... Oh, Shirou...
"I want the Holy Grail, but I will not kill Shirou for it," she said firmly. Those fools...
"Do you understand you knave?" she spat angrily. "I want Shirou more then such a thing."
"I do not need the Grail if it will soil me."
"I already have all that I want."
"Lets go," he said firmly, the steps of the Ryuudouji towering above him. He gave her a stern, confident smile. "This will be our last battle."
She returned him a stern smile of her own, though hers was tinged with a touch of sadness. Gilgamesh and Kotomine would end tonight, and she knew, even in victory, it would be the end and of her and Shirou as well.
That selfless fool, she would miss him so. But they still had one duty they must do.
"You were my..." she echoed, reaching out to the golden light. "...You were my scabbard, right?"
"Its name..." she said, hearing his name echo beside her name. His voice filled her with strength. They reached for it together, grasping it in the same instant.
".. is Avalon!"
They golden light bathed them both, and in that moment, they were one and truly invincible.
"I need to tell you something before I go..."
"...Shirou..."
"I... love you..."
Her knees wobbled as tears leaked from here eyes. God, she wanted him so bad. What should she do?!
She punched the rail in frustration.
This new part of her, the part that was Saber, wanted to go to Shirou immediately and embrace him. That stupid selfless fool, and everything that he had sacrificed for her, the bond that they shared, and the duty she had freed him from... Saber wanted nothing else. With his help, she had moved on from her ambitions to change history. Freed from that duty, there was only one thing left in life Saber wanted: Emiya Shirou. Just him and only him.
Another part, the part that was Arturia Pendraig, didn't want anything to do with him. With these new memories, Arturia Pendraig felt threated, her old self becoming engulfed by Saber. Her plans for life were kind of boring, but at least more of a challenge then what Saber wanted. She was going to take over the family business, the Pendraig real estate Empire. She didn't plan for boys or romance, though they certainly didn't interfere with that... Still, shouldn't help but feel by perusing Shirou, she was stepping into Saber's shoes and throwing Arturia's away.
"Arg!" She lashed against the rail again. Who was she? Was she Saber? Was she Arturia? She didn't know, and she felt she couldn't move forward in her life unless she decided. She grumbled, hunkering down at the rail and continuing to watch the watery scenery in front of her.
"Nice view," a new voice beside her said. The newcomer leaned against the rails with her, joining Arturia in gazing at the wrecked ship. Arturia didn't need to look to know who it was.
"Hello, Rin," Arturia mumbled, greeting the newcomer.
"You remember me," Rin stated. She flicked her long brown hair behind her. "Shirou said as much."
"Yes," she grunted. She didn't really have patience from another "blast from her past" at the moment.
"You look down," Rin stated.
"Yes," Arturia mumbled again, wiping tears from he eyes.
"So what's the problem?"
Arturia closed her eyes as she considered the question. "I don't know."
Rin blinked, confused. "What do mean?"
"I'm..." Arturia took a deep breath before continuing. How to put her troubles into words? "With these memories... I don't know who I am. Or who I want to be. Am I Saber? Arturia Pendraig? Pendragon?"
"Well, that's your problem right there," Rin replied casually. "Those are all just different names for the same person. You shouldn't be making a distinction; you're still just you."
"I don't think that's true," Saber said, shaking her head. "As of yesterday, I've instantly lived another life very different from my own. I can't help but feel my old self washing away. Like I stopped being Arturia and started being Saber instead. And the frightening thing is, I don't know who I'd rather be."
"You be you," Rin stated simply. "I don't think it'll ever be as simple as flicking a switch to 'Saber' or 'Arturia.' And besides, 'Saber' is much more decisive then you're being right now, I think. And she never cried."
"I am plenty decisive," Arturia sniffled, wiping the tears from her eyes. "And... well... You're right... I never cried before. Still, the girl I was yesterday... Is she gone? It still feels that way."
"You just need a little time to sort things out," Rin counseled casually, dismissing Arturia's concerns. She casually patted the blond on the back and handed her a tissue. "Look at it this way: We are NEVER who we were yesterday."
"...We aren't?" Arturia asked, a bit dazed by the question. She sniffled slightly, and wiped her eyes with the tissue.
"Of course not," Rin replied, smiling. "A person is the sum of everyday they've lived."
Arturia paused for a moment to consider that. "...A sum of all my yesterdays, then? Both the King's and my own? That..." she trailed off, trying to find her words. She found herself comforted by Rin's philosophy. No, she wasn't the same girl she was yesterday, but that didn't mean she was suddenly lost herself either.
Arturia Pendraig wasn't washed away, just different now. Saber wasn't taking over her life, just becoming a part of it.
She could...
She could live with that.
"That puts me at ease," Arturia finally managed. There was a few moments of silence, both girls unsure of what to say. The cries of gulls could be heard over the low whisper of the crashing waves. Arturia continued to glare at the downed ship a head of her, when a flash of realization hit.
"I cut that boat in half," Arturia said suddenly, finally realizing the significance of the ship. She had destroyed it during the Fourth Grail War.
"Amazing," Rin replied, her tone bored and completely unimpressed. "Could you still do that?"
"No, I don't think so. I don't have a sword..." Arturia answered quickly. She closed her eyes, trying to remember those ancient days. Excalibur... Bedivere had thrown it back to the Lady. And the way her strength flowed through her... Mana and power crackling inside her, obeying her every whim... She was powerful then, but now she was mortal. Normal. She had no need for it anymore, anyways.
"I have to head for home." Rin said, pulling herself from the rail. "One last thing. Remember, you're in a place, surrounded by things from Saber's life. You, as Ms. Pendraig, have no life here to speak of."
Arturia considered those words, and looked down, feeling a bit hurt by them.
"Ah, I didn't mean it that way!" Rin blushed, noting Arturia's hurt expression.. "I mean, if you want to get in touch with the 'girl you where yesterday,' you should call home or something. Talk to your family or friends." Rin casually shrugged as she picked her school bag from the ground, and began marching away.
"Remember what I said," she called over her shoulder. "Oh! And don't make Shirou wait too long! He's hurting too!"
"Later, Arturia-chan!"
Call home... Family, friends... She wasn't sure, but Rin's plan seemed like a good one. She had finally made it back to the apartment after an eternity of wandering and considering Rin's words. She had a huge nap, and it was very late now. Late enough to call Britain... To call home.
She needed to, she realized. Especially now, more then ever, she needed to hear her mother's voice.
She couldn't... Could she? Grandfather wouldn't approve, and the staff might not even connect her.
She sighed... But it was worth risking.
Making her decision, she dove for her phone and quickly dialed the operator. This was going to be long distance...
"Hello, Ms. Larissa. It's Arturia... I was wondering..." Arturia began, clutching the reciever "... I was wondering, if perhaps, my mother... Yes. Is she lucid enough to speak?"
"Yes, I understand," Arturia replied again. "I know not to mention him, but please, I just need to hear from her. Could you? Thank you!"
She clutched the receiver in her hand tightly, nervously chewing on a bang of hair. Her eyes wandered nervously, waiting for the reply on the other end.
"Yes, yes, hello, Mother!"
"Yes, it's Arturia! It's good to hear your voice, I've missed you!"
"Um... I've only been here for a fews days or so..." she began, and was cut off suddenly with a new question. "Uh... yes, I have started making friends."
"They're... they're very good people," Arturia answered awkwardly, thinking of the friends she made - the ones she didn't even know she had. Shirou, Ilya, Taiga, Rin... She smiled lightly. "You'd like them,"
"Yes, I do. I like them very much," Arturia replied, chuckling.
She began to tell her mother of them - of her "new" friends. A pang of joy blossomed in her heart as she spoke to her mother of her new old friends. In that moment, Arturia Pendraig met Saber for the first time.
Though still strange to each other, the two woman her memories had split her into were no longer strangers. They shared the same smile, and hesitantly, continued down the same path together.
Author's notes: This was a tough chapter to write, but it was mostly for my benefit. You see, I wrote myself into a corner. Saber is a defined character, with a defined history. Arturia Pendraig is not, and I have to define her history on my own. I've been having a fun time doing that, and I really like the reborn Arturia! When I set out, what I wanted to write was a continuation of Shirou and Saber's romance. She'd remember she was Saber, and I'd throw out Arturia's character and write Saber instead. The more I wrote, the more I thought about it, the more I realized that wasn't right. Or natural. So I though, maybe I'd just keep running with Arturia. She'd just be her and no Saber. And I realized that wasn't right, either, because for the plot to go where I want it too, I still needed Saber. I needed her to be both.
So that brings me to my current predicament. I have a good sense on how to write Saber and Arturia separately, but writing them together as the same person? That shit be hard! I needed to demonstrate she's still Saber and still Arturia at the same time for the her character to work in my head. It was easier then I thought. It works for me now, and i hope it works for you too.
Anyways, about one or two more chapters before this Act ends. Maybe three.
