Disclaimers: Same as chapter 1.

Chapter 3: Marge, Large, but not in charge.

Minister Fudge interrupting the Malfoy's dinner party was not taken as badly as it could have been. Lucius had been rather kind when he aimed his wand at the face in the fireplace and blasted him with rotten garbage conjured from the kitchens. Fudge would not be forgetting anytime soon that the only fireplace he was allowed to use was the one in the Great Hall that the house elves monitored.


Severus flooed back home to his dungeons close to midnight. It had been nice to spend time with his friends. It alleviated some of the depression that seemed to settle over him now that the Potter brat was gone from the school. The same Potter brat who had been ordered by the Ministry of Magic to get married and produce at least two little Potters. The same Potter brat that Severus was IN LOVE with. Now the boy was completely out of his grasp (as if he ever had a chance!)

He was still moping about several hours later when he decided to go up to the Great Hall and have lunch with Albus 'The Old Crackpot Himself' Dumbledore. Maybe if he ate enough lemon drops he would go into sugar shock and... The idea got squelched. Just look at Dumbledore sucking the damn things down- he didn't have a chance in hell of dying from them. Of course if they really were laced with calming draught it would explain why Dumbledore had cans of them stacked around (Dumbledore could well be the worlds oldest living junkie). Maybe if he just swallowed the contents of one can whole?

Lunch was not what he expected. First off, no one had warned him that Minister Fudge would be in attendance. Dumbledore was twinkling like the Great Hall's Christmas tree (which was never a good sign). And Minerva had come to the table in her cat form and was currently twining about his legs shrieking about something. The first words out of his mouth were, "Albus, can't you do something with your pussy? She acts like she is in heat."

Minister Fudge produced a nice gagging sound but only received a level stare from the Potions Master. "What? This is Hogwarts, Fudge. Any bloody thing can happen here. Don't act all surprised about the facts of life."

Fudge regained control and the smile he plastered on his face was downright sinister. "Since you have broached the subject of anything happening here at Hogwarts maybe you will not be too adverse to listening to the reason I am visiting here today."

Severus sneered, "Oh please do go on. I am dying to hear your abysmal idiotic prattle."

Dumbledore's eyes glittered fiendishly when Fudge returned Severus's sneer and added, "You will be dead if you do not honor the Ministry's newest decree." Albus felt it was in the best interest of everyone involved if he were to intervene on the off chance that he could avert the death of the Minister regardless of how stupid and tactless he was. Everyone except Fudge seemed to have received the memo mentioning the fact that Death Eaters, past, present, and/or future usually had some serious social flaws that could result in the death or untimely demise of anyone irritating them beyond boiling point.

He honestly tried to help. Too bad both men ignored him. He finally realized that one reason he had lived to see 150 plus years was the fact that he knew when to 'shut the hell up'.

Fudge, up to this point, has been protected by no less than a legion of guardian angels who toil ceasesly in order to keep him safe. They all took one look at the face of Severus Snape when Fudge dropped his bombshell and they all grabbed up their harps and went back to heaven.

To say Sev took it well would be an understatement. He did a passable impression of a goldfish. That finally faded into the second eruption of Mt. Etna in less than twenty-four hours. Finally he stood up shaking with suppressed rage as he roared, "NEVER MOCK ME AGAIN! I WOULD DIE FOR THAT BOY!"

Fudge did not need to be told for once that he had over-stayed his welcome. He is as nimble as a Billy goat jumping. He was over the table and out the door long before it sank in on Severus that he had just been handed his heart's desire: gift-wrapped, ribbon festooned... you name it. The letter from Aunt Petunia and a copy of the ministry decree stating that Lord Snape aka Severus Oberon Snape was requested to fulfill the request for his hand in marriage per the Wizard Marriage Law of 1266. (Passed in order to honor the Wizards who did battle with William the Conqueror when he gained the throne of England with their help.)

There was only one thing left for Severus to do. He grabbed up the papers and disappeared into the fireplace, slinging floo powder and shrieking Malfoy Manor. Seconds later Minerva reappeared, pulled the half eaten mouse out of her mouth and said, "Well, that went well didn't it, Love?"

Albus merely smiled and popped another lemon drop into his mouth. He held the can out to her and then added, "Yes! I think that went rather well, didn't it?"


Things were not going quite so smoothly at the Dursley house! I warned you all before that Marge was going to visit. And when Marge visits things never go as well as one would hope. (Well unless you are a hinky puck or maybe a boggart- then when things get out of hand you simply sit back and watch the resulting chaos.)

Marge was running late and did not arrive until after the departure of Lord Malfoy and his son. Lord Malfoy had, according to wizarding tradition, presented to Mr. and Mrs. Dursley a small token of esteem on behalf of his good friend Lord Snape in gratitude at their magnanimous request to honor him so. A brief case of tightly compressed fifty-pound notes had gone a long way toward changing Vernon Dursley's attitude toward Harry Potter's choice of life-mate.

Dudley barged out the door and picked up her bags before she could start squawking about Harry. Ripper under her left arm and her carryall under her right, Marge sailed into the house in grand style.

The first clue she had that life had changed was when Petunia looked down and sneered at Ripper. "Must you bring that filthy beast into my home? There are simply hundreds of good boarding kennels to choose from."

Marge puffed up and glared at Petunia.

Petunia held her ground. "Don't you try that look on me, Marge. You may be Vernon's sister, but he sleeps with me!" Pet was on a short fuse with her it seemed.

Marge grabbed up Ripper and headed toward the kitchen door. Vernon and Dudley were sitting at the kitchen table drinking tea and discussing Mr. Malfoy's strange visit with Harry who was flittering about in the kitchen putting the final touches on dinner. As she was about to open the door and set the dog down, Vernon glanced over and said, "Marge, please do not let the dog out back. There is a unicorn in the garden and they might not get on well together.

"There is no such thing as a unicorn!" Marge huffed around a bit, but, she did not let the dog out. "Why is Petunia acting strangely, Vernon? She was positively uncivil to me just now."

Dudley shrugged when his father looked to him for help. "Harry, maybe you could try explaining things to your Aunt Marge?"

Harry shook his head and went back to the cooking. "I doubt that anything I say would make sense."

Marge glared at him. "When are you going to grow up, boy? You should have been drowned at birth. Nasty little runt. It isn't like I would want to hear anything you had to say anyway."

Harry turned to her with a smile on his face. "Actually,  Aunt Marge, there isn't a unicorn in the garden, there are two of them. They followed me here from school. I graduated last week and Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia have agreed to let me stay here until after my 18th birthday."

"More like you could not find a job and are here to leech off my brother until you can find someone stupid enough to support you." Marge smirked as she saw Harry's beautiful porcelain complexion flush a delicate rose color. "Just what I thought. You don't have a job and you are here because they are too good to throw you out like you deserve."

Harry shrugged and went back to deftly juggling pots and pans.  He did not have the heart to tell her that he was only hanging around until school started and then he would be off to do Pre-Med at Oxford University of Magical Studies.

Vernon looked over at her and said, "Don't you think you are being a bit hard on the boy, Marge? Harry had a trying year at school and needed somewhere quiet to rest. In truth, we are enjoying having him here for a few weeks. The boy's no bother at all. He does his share of the work and has been quite good company for Petunia. Hasn't he Love? " The last comment directed to Petunia who had just entered the kitchen.

Petunia nodded an affirmative. 'Vernon, there is a head in the fireplace and he is asking for you. I think you should go speak to him." She drifted back out the door and across the hall to the sitting room.

Marge stared after her, eyes wide as a house elf's. "What in the name of God is she talking about?" Sneering at Harry one last time she got up and followed Vernon's retreating form into the sitting room also.

Her first sight upon entering the room was of Vernon bent down in front of the fireplace talking to someone. She stood in the doorway gaping as Vernon stepped back and a man stumbled out of the fireplace. Two other people dressed in official looking robes of some sort quickly followed him through. Marge let out a high pierced girly type shriek and jumped back.

"What is going on, boy?" She hissed, grabbing Harry before he could make a clean escape into his new bedroom.

Harry was an adult wizard, no longer subject to ministry regulations regarding underage magic. "Let loose of me you vexatious old toad or I shall hex you seven-sides-of-Sunday."


And now my lovelies, do you remember who came through the fireplace? Just maybe I changed it so you could have a bit of fun worrying... Also, did you remember that to be a normal functioning human one needs at least  six hugs a day?